New member here. Ready to fight.

[Jessie]

Yeah I do agree.

I think I was a bit unlucky in that the girls I met were into vaginal sex or simply needed at least average for some other reason.

Ps sorry about the arguments- I bet you feel right at home!!! De ja vous!

[Perseverance]

Yea Jessie we share alot of the same feelings and it sucks. I think there is truth in both yours and cece posts.

I think men know when they're running the situation. I felt it when I played football. I was the defensive captain I called plays. Made plays and I was very good at it. I was running that show. In the bedroom I feel second string. I feel like I do just enough to get by. Thinking about it now I caught a text from my girl while she was on her phone. Her friend asked her how the sex was and my girlfriend wrote "it was good" more I think about it the shittier it sounds. I know when my friends asked me I gave like a "shit man it was awesome. She's so god damn hot blah blah." It was good? Really is that how girls talk. When I read it I was happy because she didn't write it was bad. Def nothing special.

Maybe there is actually something to the crap I write on here sometimes or maybe I am actually a little fucked up in the head over this. Very over analyzing right?

[Perseverance]

Well tomorrow is a day to look forward too. She'll be coming over and it will be a chance to try and figure this thing out and sort of try and redeem myself over my poor behavior last week.

Just not sure how I want to go about it. If we are going to have sex do I pretend to have confidence? Like rip her pants off and tell her what to do. Tell her how much I want her and how I'm going to have her. Probably what I should do except I'm going to feel like a douche when I stick in her. Ugh.

I really need it to be the other way around. I need her to do all that stuff to me. If I feel like she craves me and wants me I'd feel a million times better about myself but its just not the case. As long as I'm the one initiating I'm probably going to feel the same way.

At least not she understands how much I value her pleasure since this is what this is all about for me. (If you read the OP)

I feel like that's the only way I can get out of this. If she give me some sort of praise on how much she likes my penis. How she can't wait to have sex with me. I hate how our sex life started so strong and how it has kind of tapered off. That's not helping either. Like has it worn off for her?

This weekend is going to be a big one for me. To see how she responds from last weeks lil tiff. If anyone cares to offer and suggestions they are greatly appreciated. Especially from any women.

Like I said before I'm definitely not giving up. I have to figure something out. Really going to work on my attitude.

Run, eat better, lift more. Have new experiences. Just do things that can help ease my obsessive thinking.

[Jessie]

im the last one to give advice in this arena.... but I have read that girls like confidence and spontaneity.

and whilst her enjoyment is paramount she will want you to enjoy yourself too.

Best of luck mate. hope it goes well

[malign]

My advice: treat her like the woman you love, rather than a sex object.

That doesn't, of course, mean you can't have sex; it means that if you have sex with your love foremost in your mind, performance won't become so much of an issue.

{Another way <add>to</add> say it might be that if you have sex with her, rather than her vagina, then she'll be having sex with you, rather than your penis. Saying it that way might not make as much sense to you, though; I don't know.}

Edited February 28, 2013 by malign
Added a word

[Perseverance]

Did I give the impression I was treating her like a sex object?

[IrmaJean]

I can't speak for malign, but I think the point is to not pressure the act itself so much. If you think of her and your feelings for her and sharing yourself with her, things may happen very naturally and beautifully. I understand my perspective is very feeling and emotional, though.

I hope things go well. Take care.

[malign]

No, not at all. I mean that in many ways, you're treating yourself as a sex object.

There's a heck of a lot more to you than your penis. She already knows that; it's you that I'm trying to reach.

[malign]

I don't know. Sometimes maybe I try to say something in as slick a way as possible, hoping to break through this typing barrier that we have to put up with. It's possible it doesn't work all the time; I hope it does sometimes.

I don't doubt that you love her. I don't doubt that you're genuinely suffering, worrying about how to deal with your doubts about yourself.

I have absolutely no desire to make you feel worse.

Sometimes I fail at that goal, and if this is one of them, I apologize.

[Perseverance]

Yea I wasn't planning on pressuring the act. I never really do I only do things when it's clear it's a good time to do so.

Malign you didn't make me feel worse i was just wondering if I had to clarify one of my points. Sometimes I'm terrible at getting things across since most of the time when I write about this my head is allllllll over the place. You don't have to apologize.

[Perseverance]

By the way. I really appreciate the feedback from everyone. Feels good to get all this out. Means alot.

[Girlfriend-here]

This weekend is going to be a big one for me. To see how she responds from last weeks lil tiff. If anyone cares to offer and suggestions they are greatly appreciated. Especially from any women.

I think it's important to understand that your mind plays a great role in ur attitude towards ur penis and no matter what she says or does its ultimately you that needs to come to terms with ur feelings. She likes ur penis, shes still with you, thinks ur worth it and it appears that nothing woman say or do to their partners who worry about size makes them feel better. So perhaps sit down with yourselves and work out what illusion,beliefs and bad attitudes are not serving u and learn to excavate them. Replace them with ones more worth while. Trust this woman. Because pushing her buttons is distructive for u, her and the relationship and doesn't serve a purpose, perhaps momentarily u feel good dumping it on her but in the long run it makes all parties involved feel bad.

I'm sorry I may seem brash but I'm annoyed at the guy I'm seeing for not having the balls to give himself a chance at a good life.

Boys out there without woman get yourselves strong ready and healed for when a worthwhile woman does come into ur life other wise you'll push her away. There's a big world out there n a lot of shit going Down perhaps traveling, learning new cultures, beliefs, customs and different religions is a good way to put life back in perspective. I don't think that cruising the internet for information that reinforces your negative core beliefs serves anyone. Perhaps this could be the first place to start. I'm sorry but I just lost a bloody good man because of his penis feelings n it's a dam shame. He needs a kick in the balls.

[Perseverance]

Yea there are things they can say that make us (or at least me) feel better.

If she walked through the door after not seeing me all week (we only see each other on the weekends) and told me how she wanted me all week. Or if she complimented my penis. Told me how much she likes it.

I went with the let her make the move plan this weekend. I lay here in bed right now wide awake with her sleeping next to me. Now tomorrow we have a busy day then shes going to meet up with her friend for a girls night out. So this is looking like we are goin into week 4 without having sex.

Oh the sex must be amazing if she can wait 4 weeks without having sex with me.

You work all week. You don't see me but when you do you don't want to touch me.

Do I seriously have to make the move very single fucking time?!?!? You know I treat her body like its a god damn palace. I give her back rubs. I rub her feet. I perform oral alllll the time. I compliment her. I tell her how sexy and beautiful she is. Tell her how much I love her hair. Her ass. I even open her car door for her. Which by the way I mean and it comes from no other place than a sincere piece of my heart

So you'd think after me spilling the beans on how shitty I feel about myself you'd think she'd make an effort to comfort me and help boost my confidence. Nope.

She could also be oblivious to how bad I really feel. She could just be brushing it off a bit.

Couple quotes that could put my mind at ease.

"I want to fuck you so bad"

"I love your dick" <--- probably during oral

I don't feel like I'm desired nearly as much as I desire her. Which is adding another level of frustration on top of all of this.

I really don't want to get a comment back on making love either. As I've tried to do that and she became bored with the slow sensual type of sex. She's not into it as much as she is the opposit.

Ugh.

[Perseverance]

We just planned and booked a vacation together. We do alot other things and talk about other things that are on a more serious level. I'm pretty confident in her wanting to be with me. I can also attribute her sexual decline ever since she started birth control.

Btw I have extremely high confidence in everything else in life. Except when it comes to sex.

[Perseverance]

Feeling deflated and defeated.

[Jessie]

sorry to hear that... did it not go well last night?

[Perseverance]

Nope. She's not over last weekend. Out weekend went great otherwise. We had ALOT of fun. But once it became a reality that she wasn't interested in being intimate I showed my displeasure. She's annoyed that I have to keep talking about my feelings. She said shes trying to get over last weekend. I don't know what to do. I guess I just have to wait for her to come around. Keep doing my thing try and stand strong and keep my composure a little better. Like I said we had alot of fun and I'm happy with the direction. It just ended on a bad note like it did last weekend. I kinda have a hard time understanding her sometimes and I dont know how to react. I ended it by telling her I don't see this as a bad thing. That we will figure it out and it will all be good. I said this is nothing for us to overcome because we are stronger than that.

So I'm doing my best I feel. I didn't really understand her feelings because she didn't share them. We had fun and I assumed we were in the clear. So with the weekend ending with no intimate contact really threw me off and upset me.

[Jessie]

well hang in there...

women can be as bad as guys at being open sometimes...

[Perseverance]

After a talk sunday she said she just wants thing to go back the way it was and leave that behind us. So the past two days I've noticed she's more upbeat. We are laughing alot more over the phone. Communication has been great. We are holding longer conversations as well. Really feels like she is happy and that things would have continued to get even better until I brought up all my bullshit.

I just get caught up in the what if game. I don't feel any different after all of this and I suppose I never will. If it becomes an issue I suppose ill have to weigh my options on how else I can please her. Guess ill just continue to try and do the best I can and be happy I get to have sex with a beautiful woman.

One thing I think I have on my side is creativity. Always doing new things and keeping it interesting. I think that sometimes could be more valuable than a dude with a huge dong just smashing away. Women get bored easily.

I do get that vibe from her though. That I love you happy to be with you vibe. So I should probably just chill the hell out.

[IrmaJean]

I do get that vibe from her though. That I love you happy to be with you vibe

That is wonderful. Maybe soak up the love?

I think it can become an unhealthy pattern to create in our minds all of the possible scenarios and ways things could go wrong... I also think that kind of thinking can prevent us from living in the now. Accept and embrace the joy...

Take care.