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Hello I'm Spuffy.

I'm new to this site and this is the first site that I have tried to enter into a support community.

I posted on the Urgent need forum so I won't repeat everything here. I will just say that I am normally a happy, positive, person and since my recent relationship I have lost my joy. I hope that I will regain some of it back here with all of you. From what I can tell this seems to be a "safe place" to reach out?

I am going to my first CODA (co-dependents anonymous) meeting tomorrow night because I have finally decided that there must be a pattern in my life that keeps drawing me into these dysfunctional relationships with these immature, needy, and troubled men. First my ex husband for over 20 years, and then after 2 years I almost married another man with even worse problems. Thankfully, I at least had the presence of mind not to marry this second man, and I only wasted 5 years this time around.

I need help so that I DO NOT EVER do this again, but I also need help figuring out why I did this to myself in the first place. If you read my urgent need post you will see that I really tried to do things in the right way this time, waiting before dating, and then "waiting" while dating, and then taking over 2 years to get to know him, but still I ended up barely escaping with my self esteem in tact, and put up with things that I never imagined I would ever allow.

Even though my profile interests say that I am interested in LIVING LIFE! That is a hard concept to swallow right now. I used to be joyful and grateful now I feel crushed.

Ok, done venting. I'm here to meet others that have survived the same kinds of things that I have so that I can try to get some clarity, and NEVER make the same mistake again.

Please be gentle when you comment. I am very beaten down right now.

Thank you for this forum.

Still trying to smile..Spuffy

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