Life unsalvageable

[TripsBritannia]

Hi, people. I'm not sure exactly which category my problem(s) belong in, so I'll post here and hope somebody reads these words.

I'm male, in my late twenties, and have no life; I let it slip me by. Since I was a child, I've grappled with overwhelming feelings of inferiority. I was an only child, and found it hard to sustain relationships, or make them in the first place. I remember never feeling intelligent enough, interesting enough, attractive enough. In my teens, I became addicted to opiate drugs to combat these feelings, progressing to ever harder and more exotic substances. I made just about every wrong choice it's possible to make. I gave up on school, destroying any chance for a successful future, I got in fights, I got arrested many times etc etc.

Approaching my twenties, I became ever more reclusive and inactive. Now, things have deteriorated to the point where I sleep all day to hide from the light, because that brings the people out. I avoid leaving the flat at all costs. Groups of people fill me with fear; I've become a complete introvert. The realization I've wasted my youth is crushing, and I'm absorbed with thought's of putting an end to it. In fact, I'm obsessed with the concept of reincarnation.The thought of rebirth, of coming back innocent and young, and making the right choices has a magnetic pull on me. I feel my current life is unsalvageable.

I have not told anybody these thoughts for fear of ridicule, but I had to get this down. Fact is, I feel despair right now, as you may have surmised. Any advice on this would be greatly appreciated.

[IrmaJean]

Hello, Trips, and welcome.

I'm sorry you are struggling and feeling despair. It's good that you reached out for help. Expressing your feelings can be a place to begin healing. Have you considered speaking with a professional? A well-qualified professional should not judge you and may be of help to you.

I hear that you are feeling regret for your past choices. It's possible to make positive changes in your life in the now. It's never too late, Trips. If you were to picture a life that you would want, how might that look to you? How can you be proactive and help yourself find your way to that?

Isolation can increase feelings of loneliness and depression. I understand it's hard for you, but getting out of the house and being around people may help you to connect with life and living. Can you challenge yourself to do that?

We're here, too, to listen, if it helps to talk. I'm sorry you're in pain. I hope you can be gentle with yourself.

Take care.

[CantGiveItAway]

Sometimes I think it's hard to find guidance. And I think it can be comforting to have some people who you can look to, to kinda help move through difficult places in life. Do you have afew people sort of like that? Maybe alittle older, it doesnt have to be someone you know personally... Someone who may have gotten alittle late start, or changed directions for themselves later in life...

Alot of people have had their best years in their 30's or 40's and beyond. I also dont feel its ever too late, to be a happier "you".

I hope you will tell alittle more about yourself... I wanted to welcome you here

[malign]

"The thought of rebirth, of coming back innocent and young, and making the right choices ..."

What if you could give yourself that, without the difficulty of dying first and maybe (probably! certainly?) not coming back?

I was a virgin at age forty. I married soon after, not successfully (understatement), and ten years later, I'm almost free. In between, when I thought there was no way out of that mess, I considered killing myself. I don't recommend it to others.

As long as you're alive, you get to choose how to start every day. Every day you don't die is a new one.

It isn't clear from your post: do you still abuse drugs? Do you have any support (family in particular)? I guess you're not working. Assuming from the "Britannia" in your name that you're British, can you seek (or are you already receiving) help from the National Health?

A friend of mine enjoys a particular quotation from composer/performance artist John Cage. He was known for his "musical" compositions which included audience noise (complete silence on the part of the performers), and other oddities. When asked where to start playing one of his musical scores, he replied: "Begin anywhere". Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life, to risk you wanting to smack me very hard.

[lostunsure]

Hey TripsBritannia. I am not sure I can give you much advice, because I'm having quite a lot of problems of my own right now, but I want you to know that I can get where you're coming from and please don't feel worried about being ridiculed for feeling this way. I am in my early thirties and am constantly regretting choices I made when I was younger, and feel like I wasted much of my youth. I used to drink pretty heavily to escape this empty feeling that follows me around, and the terrible anxiety I feel. I look at other women my age with families and careers and sometimes feel so horrible about myself I want to cry or just go back to bed.

I too am very introverted, although I didn't used to be as much. I just want you to know that, really in the grand scheme of things, late 20's/early 30's isn't that old and there is still a lot you can do. (I have trouble following my own advice, but it's true). We all make mistakes, "waste" days, months, even years, but the more we beat ourselves up about it, the more we just live in a past that we want to move on from. I think it's best to maybe accept the regret, sit with it a bit, don't beat yourself for feeling it, and then try to move on as best as you can. Perhaps what you've been through has given you a certain wisdom that other people may not have.

[Victimorthecrime]

Hey Trips I too was an only child who felt inferior to everyone & made some bad choices that have haunted me. My way of dealing w it: getting sober, earning a livable wage, fitness, and allowing myself to really feel in my daily life and accept both the internalities and externalities that exist for me. I wish the best for you.