My partner's sudden extreme emotional attachments & bursts of sexuality - I need help!

[Ajinn]

Hello!

I'm not entirely sure how to classify this situation, or how to look it up online. If I could give a description of the situation, hopefully someone will be able to give me a bit of information. Please keep in mind this is a bit of a sexual topic, so the description below isn't for minors.

I'm a 27 year old gay male VERY casually dating a 26 year old gay male, who has recently come out (4 years ago). He's fairly distant naturally, hard to connect with emotionally, however certain times when we do get close in bed or cuddling watching a movie, he will have these bursts of emotional attachment.

Here is how a scenario would work:

We're laying in bed watching a movie, and he is opposed to having sex throughout the whole night. At one point he slides over and half "lay on top" of me, in a cuddle position, to watch the movie. When this happens, he gets extremely affectionate, squeezing me really tight, digging his head into my chest etc. Like I just saved his life and he's hugging me extremely tightly. (Which I enjoy ... I wont lie).

The cuddling will relax to a normal amount and over a bit over time, he'll then get distant again. Once invited to get closer, he gets that need of extreme closeness with me. Just now, we were fully clothed ... and as I made reference to sex, he ripped of all of his clothes immediately and got incredibly sexual, like a random burst of sexual energy came out of nowhere.

We were not 2 minutes into doing anything, I barely had my clothes off, when he orgasmed without penile stimulation. We weren't having sex, I was just touching him really ... but it was that he got so excited, he came immediately. This isn't the first time it's happen. What happened next freaked me out a bit, which brought me here.

After that he got extremely angry with himself. Grabbed all his clothes, told me to leave him alone when I tried to ask him to relax, and ran out the door and drove off. Hasn't returned a text yet.

So .... now that I've painted a pretty picture ... does anyone have any insight as to what the issues may be? What do I know about his personality is that he's quick to judge himself so nobody else can, he has HUGE self esteem issues, he's sexually insecure, and keeps his heart closed to people.

Many thanks for reading and any insight you can give.

-Incredibly confused.

[IrmaJean]

Welcome to the community, Ajinn.

You've described your partner as having low self-esteem and insecurity. I'm not an expert by any means, but it sounds as though he ejaculates prematurely? Possibly his behavior reflects on his insecurities about this happening? It's really difficult to say. You could offer him reassurance, but eventually he will need to do this for himself.

I think that people have different needs regarding emotional and physical intimacy. A person who feels insecure may desire closeness, but at the same time fear any potential rejection. All you can do on your end is to be gentle, consistent, and supportive with him. This may give him the space to begin feeling secure within your relationship and hopefully, in time, with himself. One thing that is important to remember is to be mindful of your needs as well.

Good luck, Ajinn. Take care.