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Sallyjames
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You know something about him that would destroy his life if people around him found out (could cause constant anxiety of not knowing if you will tell anyone or not). I guess he let you get close and didn’t think about the consequences of what might happen at that time. Now he just wants to pretend like he never meet you and just cut you out of his life and ignore the problem and hope everything will be ok...imho anyways

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I'd throw out the possibility that he's afraid of you talking to the new girlfriend, too. Not because you would, but ... in the grips of a fear this strong, a person loses sight of the people they know, and substitutes the people they're afraid of.

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We're just speculating, Sally, based on you telling us he's bringing another woman to the gathering. None of us know about his love life. In fact, he's the only one who does, so it makes sense to ask him, if you care (privately, of course). The fact that you're jealous may actually make him more favorably disposed to you; you already know his secret and it doesn't bother you. But who knows what's going on in his head (unless they ask)?

The same goes for whether you should avoid him: ask. At least, ask if you want to know and are willing to risk the answer, like we all do when a relationship starts. It's never easy, and we all have our problems, our barriers.

And whether it works out or not, it's not really any business for mothers, is it?

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I think the fact he is bringing a girlfriend just tells me he doesn't want to talk with me, I guess she's like a barrier so I don't think I could ask him anything Malign, I concluded that is why he made a point of bringing her to avoid me which Is fine I understand. Just want this weekend to be over.

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Ps why I have you all on the phone haha the size issue was never verbalised between us. It just caused him issues. If I sent him a MSG saying 'I never told a soul' or some variation of, hed know what i meant? would it make his life easier or highlight the problem n make it more uncomfortable... I want him to know it wasn't a problem without making him feel humiliated more... Or just leave it cos he made up his mind already...

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Ps why I have you all on the phone haha the size issue was never verbalised between us. It just caused him issues. If I sent him a MSG saying 'I never told a soul' or some variation of, hed know what i meant? would it make his life easier or highlight the problem n make it more uncomfortable... I want him to know it wasn't a problem without making him feel humiliated more... Or just leave it cos he made up his mind already...

seriously don't do that... it makes it seem like a terrible, shameful secret (it is! but you don't need to articulate that to him- that would be awful)

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If he can't talk about size to you (and never has), it would be a bad idea to bring it up yourself. What if that isn't even the issue? It would also make me wonder whether he's anywhere near ready for a relationship, at least not as near as you seem to be.

I still have a tendency to think it's always better to talk to someone if you want to understand them, but I would suggest doing it privately and with questions ("You seem distant. Is there something wrong?" is one idea.) But you have to be prepared for "No, nothing's wrong; I just can't be with you", or worse. At least, if you ask, he knows you're interested in the answer.

I thought that he might be more interested in you, feel safer with you (be more "favorably disposed" to you) if he knew you were interested in him enough to be jealous. {Since I can't predict any reaction at all, I tried to be vague in my description, just wanted to convey that it might be positive.} He may be using the other woman as a kind of shield, and not be that interested in her, but then again, he's shielding himself against you.

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