Small Penis anxiety

[davefan1988]

New member here. Ill make a 10 year story very brief. My ex and I grew up together (same grade in a smalls chool) and started messing around when we were 14, in the spring of 2003. I lost my virginity to her and I was her second (the first I would honestly say she was pretty much coerced into sex and assaulted, but I digress.....) She had my daughter 3 months after we both turned 16 (we are only 4 days apart in age). We stuck together and had our good times and bad, got married when we were 19, had our son when we were 21, and im one month shy of 25 as I write this. My wife and I called it quit on February 15th of this year. I guess you could say it was a long time coming...Things never were quite as good as they "used to be" although there was a lot more to it than just that. Anyways She asked me to move out (as she has many times before) and this time I jus did it. Got my own place. So anyways no more that a week after ending our decade long relationship, she was ready to date. I couldn't believe it. I was still bawling my eyes out. So she dates. Now about two weeks ago she found a guy and shes basically moved in with him at this point. She has slept with this guy, another guy, as well as me (a few times) post-separation. We are not sexual anymore now though as she is in (what she says is) a serious, committed relationship. I have not so much as held hands with another woman yet. I never cheated whatsoever during any of our 10 yeas together. I was finally getting to the point where I wouldn't think about my ex much, honestly indifferent to most of what she was doing. But today she tells me how big her new mans penis is and how good it feels EVERY time. Our sex life (before our daughter came along) was intense to say the least. Like up to 10 times a day, literally. It was hot. As the years went on, things got stale. I blame it on both of us, but now im starting to wonder if maybe I just wasn't big enough for her? Im 6 inches on a good day. I have had problems getting fully hard in the past (this caused more than a few bedroom fights between my ex and I) and it seems terrible now. I can go all day without getting an erection. I think part of it came from watching porn early on in life. I have had times when I watch porn several times a day. It was getting to that point again a week ago, and I decided to give up porn entirely, as I had heard this can cause psychological ED. So ive been porn free for a week, but still no erections. I used to have high blood pressure, but I have it under control (naturally) now. I eat a balanced diet and have lost 20 pounds since the breakup. Im working out almost daily. I have sleep apnea but it is well controlled. Its gotta be in my head, right? Ive talked to my doctor about this, and he found nothing medically wrong with me. I just cant stop thinking about my manhood in a negative way.

[davefan1988]

I mean I guess it goes deeper. I almost find myself wanting another relationship with someone purely out of revenge. I want to make passionate love to that woman, make myself feel better, and then tell my ex how much better my new lover was than her. Seems cruel and immature. I realize it is both of these things. But she did it to me, maybe this is a natural reaction? Of course, I wont ACTUALLY end up doing this...its just a thought/fantasy. Im so scared though of starting any relationship, whether it be for good intentions or bad, im scared im just not going to measure up or be able to please my new partner, all as a result of having my self confidence shattered by my ex. Its going to be very hard to believe any woman here on out who tells me "Its plenty big" or "you're just right". I was told those things for years by my ex and it all turned out to be lies. She was obviously never satisfied. She had to have been good at faking it.

[malign]

Maybe it can both be a natural reaction and immature? We're all human, including your ex.

You said that things were not going well for a long time before the end, so maybe "measuring up" was never the problem? Who says that as long as we're sufficiently skilled at sex, or well enough endowed, no one will ever leave us? There's a lot more to a relationship that just the sex.

[davefan1988]

Maybe it can both be a natural reaction and immature? We're all human, including your ex.

You said that things were not going well for a long time before the end, so maybe "measuring up" was never the problem? Who says that as long as we're sufficiently skilled at sex, or well enough endowed, no one will ever leave us? There's a lot more to a relationship that just the sex.

I know, but the ex and I agree the sexual issues were only a small part of our overall problems. Like maybe 10-15%...Either way, being an insecure male, having an inadequate penis is the first thing my brain leaps to. Especially when I know her new man is hung like a horse and im just....not. Its affecting my sexual health right now, cuz I cant get it up for days on end, and im honestly scared to even get in another relationship, cuz I might get hurt like this again and what if I took my pants off for the first time and she just laughed at me? I couldn't handle that.....Its bad enough to know my ex was more than likely faking any pleasure she showed me in the bedroom for the past decade. I just feel like everything I knew was a big lie and now I need to start over. It sucks. Im basically a 25 year old virgin who cant get it up.

[Cece.dedesl]

If I have learned one fact about break ups over the years, it's people lash out and say mean things to hurt one another.

You say over the years she has asked you to leave but you didn't. This time you did and didn't come back.

Maybe she asked you leave in the past to simply see if you loved her enough to stay. When you finally left, maybe you made her feel insecure and this is her way to make herself feel less insecure.

My ex said horribly nasty things about me, I took the high road. He moved in with another woman the day we separated. I felt horrible for awhile but I knew he had deep rooted insecurities so I was able to get over it and move on.

You'll move on too. Accept responsibility for what where you failed in the relationship but also see her failures as well. Make peace with marriage ending. Your equipment will recover once you do.

[davefan1988]

I don't know guys. I cannot stop my negative self talk and beating myself up over this. I blame myself way too much. My ex cheated on me 1/2 way through our relationship. Although she apologized, she also attempted to justify it because "I wasn't talking to her". Now, maybe im just pissed because shes happy and im miserable and alone. Ive gotten myself to believe im honestly NEVER going to be able to be in a relationship again because, although I have a lot to offer, I feel like once we get into the bedroom, im not going to be able to please her. And EVEN IF I was big enough, I cant get hard to save my life! It seriously has been weeks, and even then I only get semi hard. My ex says Ive never been able to get fully hard, ever. But like I said, dr said im fine. Ive wondered though if I "broke" my penis or something though because I used to masturbate facedown from the age of like 11 to 15. It hurt at first, but I kept doing it and now my penis permanently curves to the right and even feels "loose" from my body. Ive heard about the suspensory ligament being a possible cause, but I don't know if this is the case with me or not. Im just really sad and depressed righ now. As my ex wife is getting railed by some huge stud, and trying things she was never open to doing with me (anal, for one), I sit at home, crying, unable to even get an erection. Its been nearly 7 weeks since we split!!! Going out with other women, my male friends, my family, talking about it, nothing is seeming to break me out of this funk. All I know right now is I hate it and at 24 im way too young to live the rest of my life this way. I just wish my ex wouldn't have told me it basically never felt good. That is so jarring. Im desperately reaching out for anything I can right now to give me hope that it will all be okay and I can just be a "normal guy" eventually. Somebody please help me......

[davefan1988]

And I do have an appointment with a relationship therapist setup for Wednesday. I just feel like it may be a waste of time, but I sure hope to god not. This sucks so bad. Ive considered just finding some girl to sleep with me for a night so I can get turned on, please somebody, get over that hump...but then id probably talk myself into believing I didn't make her feel good either, because that's what ive come to learn over these years. Sometimes things get bad like this and I just don't even know what the point is anymore. Like I should just let it all go. Let everyone else go have their great sex and fulfilling relationships. Ill just stare out my window, removed from it all, and just watch, alone.

[Cece.dedesl]

It's only been 7 weeks. Cut yourself some slack.

[davefan1988]

It's only been 7 weeks. Cut yourself some slack. The more we obsess over anything, the bigger it becomes in our minds.

I think a therapist would be very helpful. I hope you give it a real try. You don't rebound from a failed marriage or insecurities over night.

You have to allow yourself time to grieve the loss and to accept the changes.

Your ex wife is a horrible person for the way she has treated you. If it was me, I wouldn't put to much value in what she says. Listening to her would be like getting tips on sobriety from a drunk. You have to consider the source of the information before you chose to believe it.

Thank you The past seven weeks have felt more like 7 years, but I understand that's probably normal. And yes, im trying my best not to care about what she says. In all reality, I think she may follow in the footsteps of her mother, and drift from meaningless relationship to the next. Just today my ex lashed out at me for no reason, then later on tried blaming me for being rude to her. The woman did it our entire relationship, never taking ownership for her own behavior but crafting clever ways to make it seem like I was really at fault for causing HER behavior.....Anyways, It was a reminder why we arn't together. I don't need that in my life anymore. Im going out with a buddy tonight, so hopefully I don't think about it too much.

[Cece.dedesl]

Good for you! A little guy time will be great!

My ex use to lash out at me all the time too after we divorced. It hurt at first but like you, at some point it just served as a reminder why I was better off without him! Lol

[EricDavis2]

Just a couple of thoughts ...

First off, your penis is not small. All accounts say 6" is average, not below average. (Believe me, I know all too well what size is below average ... I have one).

Secondly, you yourself admitted your sex life with your wife was very passionate. You obviously are way more than adequate to please a woman sexually. You've proven that from most of your experiences in life.

Thirdly, here's a definate fact: when marriages end, most of them end badly. I believe your wife told you her new man's penis feels good EVERY time, it's just her rude way of expressing her anger at your marriage ending. She angry for a some reasons OTHER than that issue, for sure. People say mean things to lash back at someone - words that are intentionally hurtful. And what way better than to question your manhood. That's bullshit.

Finally, the fact that she has just jumped into bed instantly with any random guy shows SHE is much weaker than you. You have feelings. Getting divorced is traumatic - for EVERYONE. Her way of reacting to it is to f*ck around. Don't be hard on yourself. Even though it doesn't feel like it right now, you will be better off in the long run.

[Guest glennj]

It would be nice if women could find another way of expressing anger over a break up. Why couldn't she have said "my new guy cooks a better pasta than you do"

[Sandstorm]

Finally, the fact that she has just jumped into bed instantly with any random guy...

Where did he say that? That's not what I saw him describe. They broke up and she found a new boyfriend, how is that "jumping into bed with any random guy"?

What I find more confusing is why he knows so much about his ex wife's sex life. That's more than a little bizarre.

[4.75hard]

Just a couple of thoughts ...

First off, your penis is not small. All accounts say 6" is average, not below average. (Believe me, I know all too well what size is below average ... I have one).

Secondly, you yourself admitted your sex life with your wife was very passionate. You obviously are way more than adequate to please a woman sexually. You've proven that from most of your experiences in life.

Thirdly, here's a definate fact: when marriages end, most of them end badly. I believe your wife told you her new man's penis feels good EVERY time, it's just her rude way of expressing her anger at your marriage ending. She angry for a some reasons OTHER than that issue, for sure. People say mean things to lash back at someone - words that are intentionally hurtful. And what way better than to question your manhood. That's bullshit.

Finally, the fact that she has just jumped into bed instantly with any random guy shows SHE is much weaker than you. You have feelings. Getting divorced is traumatic - for EVERYONE. Her way of reacting to it is to f*ck around. Don't be hard on yourself. Even though it doesn't feel like it right now, you will be better off in the long run.

I heard 5.5" was average for Americans anyhow. Sure there are racial variations. Thing is, even if 5.5" were average ought you feel bad for having say 4.5? Bearing in mind that average is what it is, the median of largest and smallest? Sometimes i'm 4.5, sometimes 5.75 depending on how horny I am. In truth I dont think it matters as much as we think it does, and I'm not just saying that to placate people. My biggest (or smallest problem) is when its flacid. It really is embarassing because it can sometimes only be an inch , but like I said I can grow to nearly 6. Many guys have 4 inches flacid and grow to only 5. Still I would rather it looked better when I'm in the gym or showers afterward. I have found though that my fears of being laughed at didn't come to fruition, well at least not in adulthood. I think men do have an amount of empathy.

[Victimorthecrime]

5.75 is 21% larger than 4.75.

[4.75hard]

5.75 is 21% larger than 4.75.

Guess I'm a grower not a shower!