don't understand

[lousmom]

I am in my early 30's. I used to cut myself in high school and some after. I haven't since I got married and had my daughter, until recently. I don't know what to do and I don't know why these feelings are coming back to me. I feel so out of control and I can't stand that. My family doesn't know, and no one would ever guess if they met me, but I am just so angry and sad and I don't know what to do. It's not all the time, just any small thing can put me in a rage and I hold it in until I can get alone where no one will hear me crying or completely falling apart and then I SI. I live in a very small town and there isn't anywhere for me to go talk with someone so I'm just looking for anything that may help. I don't know why I'm losing control again or how I had it together for 6 years and now I'm falling apart.

[Luna-]

hi lousmom and welcome to the forum.

It sounds like you are in a lot of pain, and I hear your anger too. I have also experienced small things setting me off and then wanting, intensely, to go and hide away from everyone, to cry.

You are welcome to talk to us here about how you feel but it would also help to have someone to talk to in person. I don't know if you are religious? Sometimes ministers do counselling. I live in a small town too and I drive about 90 mins to the nearest big town to see a therapist (and psychiatrist) every few months although it was more often than that, when things were bad. Is there a bigger town near you and might that be an option?

I hope you will feel safe enough to talk about things here.

Again, welcome.

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