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self assurance

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why I are my relationships "fear based"? That is, not that i instill fear into my partner, but that I make decisions based on my fears and insecurities. For example, with my girlfriend, everyone asks me how it's going with her, to which i reply, in truth, wonderful. She is the girl of my dreams. Young, blonde, no kids, smart, college educated. But i get so angry everytime some stupid guy checks her out at the store, flirts with her at the restaurants, or the neighbor kids "visually undress" her. Am I being insecure or overly sensitive? f. I can see the downward spiral of me becoming controlling, manipulating, and mean based on making these decisions based out of fear. For example, if she gets gawked at, I get angry at her and take it out on her. That is not healthy! Ideas? Comments? Insults? HELP!

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  • 2 weeks later...

Did you experience a past betrayal that lead to this reaction or have you always been this way? I use to feel jealousy when I was younger but it was based on insecurities.

I had a mentor of sorts at 19 tell me that "Worrying about something you have no control over is a waste of energy and to react based on fear versus fact would be more detrimental than the facts would ever be."

Those words of wisdom has served me well in my life. Do I still have moments of doubt, of course, I'm human. Do I react without fact or out of insecurities. Not anymore.

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