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idk if someone will talk me out of it


Mutton
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hopefully this time ill cut deep enough to spew blood and fucking die.

so tired of all my anxiety and depression and developing eating disorders and fucking everything up in my life.

should just open up old scars so it hurts even more.

hope i die in pain.

[edited image as it may be triggering to members]

Everyone, when you think life might be turning around, maybe that little glimmer of hope you found will change your life. nope. life fucks us all, takes the smart to figure out we're nothing on a cosmic scale and we're pointless. no point in trying to live a happy life when at the end we all end up the same, with no conscious to remember the life we had. im not suffering anymore. i'd rather take the chance to see if gods real then deal with the shit i have in my life and what's coming up to probably fuck me over. to bring me sadness and torture.

also, could just blow my brains out or throat and make myself suffer till im gone.

Edited by IrmaJean
image may be triggering
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Mutton, please reach out for help. Phone someone or go to the hospital. Do what you need to to stay safe.

We touch others as we live our lives. You matter.

im 17 where am i going to go? im definitely not telling my dad he wont do shit he doesnt give a fuck about me

my mom passed away when i was 14

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I'm sorry about your mom, Mutton. That must be very hard. :( Are you not able to talk with your dad at all? Is there anyone there, other family or friends, someone you trust? School counselors? I have a daughter who is 17.

My dad disowned me years ago, we're roomates at this point. all my family lives in ohio , i live in north carolina. 480 miles away. all my friends left my life. theres my girlfriend but shes in school. we've been together for 2 years and i swear if it wasn't for her i would've already done this.

the only thread i have left is her...

and shes getting tired of me, my anxiety, my constant depression. i bring everyone down. i'm in a constant state of sadness

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Can you try asking your father for help? What about your girlfriend's parents? Would they be supportive?

I'm sorry you're hurting so much. :(

me and my girlfriends parents are pretty close, they're like family to me, but i wouldn't wanna bother them. they dont know that im like this right now and if they did they'd think im not a good influence on emily (my girlfriend). Emilys helped me through so much. but i think her parents would be right. im NOT good for her. i have a car i can drive anywhere i just wanna die though.i just want to.. i dont want to reach out. for me to get out and think the exact same way a few days later.. i just am so tired of this life.

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I hear that you're tired of hurting, Mutton. :( Getting well may indeed be hard work, but things can change. You can feel better.

What do you connect with in yourself when you think of your feelings about Emily?

I'm sorry that things are so hard for you right now. I hope you give living life a chance.

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Here's the thing though: you don't want to die, or you wouldn't be reaching out here.

It's true: you have the power to take your own life. You could if you wanted to.

So why not address why you haven't yet? There must be a part of you that wants to be here, that believes that you won't think the same way, some day, if you keep trying.

It sounds to me as if you're tired of this life, meaning a bunch of things that are currently part of your life, not life itself. So it makes a ton more sense to try to change those other things than to take your life and never have the chance, tiny though you may think it is, that you do have now.

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I hear that you're tired of hurting, Mutton. :( Getting well may indeed be hard work, but things can change. You can feel better.

What do you connect with in yourself when you think of your feelings about Emily?

I'm sorry that things are so hard for you right now. I hope you give living life a chance.

There's not enough time in the day to describe my feelings for her...but i do know that she's perfect for me, relationships at 15, 16, and 17 only usually last a few weeks, if you're lucky a few months. so 2 years seems like forever to everyone that sees our relationship... I feel like I matter when I talk to her, i feel motivated, i want to do something with my life, but that's when im with her... and she's constantly busy and she can't help that, i know. i'm graduated. i did extremely well in highschool and basically skipped my senior year. i have nothing to do till summer ( college ) besides work ( part time )

but back to Emily. the kind of relationship we have is really really rare and i'm so grateful for it... but every other thing in my life makes me want to die. everything else sucks. she'd be absolutely devastated if i did this. that's the only thing holding me back..

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Here's the thing though: you don't want to die, or you wouldn't be reaching out here.

It's true: you have the power to take your own life. You could if you wanted to.

So why not address why you haven't yet? There must be a part of you that wants to be here, that believes that you won't think the same way, some day, if you keep trying.

It sounds to me as if you're tired of this life, meaning a bunch of things that are currently part of your life, not life itself. So it makes a ton more sense to try to change those other things than to take your life and never have the chance, tiny though you may think it is, that you do have now.

I guess you're right. the only thing holding me back is my girlfriend at this point... and that's on a thread because i have a feeling she's losing interest because of how bad my anxiety/depression really is...

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Nope, the only thing holding you back is you.

If you keep externalizing the reasons for dying, in the end you risk dying because of stuff that has nothing to do with you, that's really someone else's problem.

Get to know that other part of you, the one that doesn't want to die. He's in there too.

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Nope, the only thing holding you back is you.

If you keep externalizing the reasons for dying, in the end you risk dying because of stuff that has nothing to do with you, that's really someone else's problem.

Get to know that other part of you, the one that doesn't want to die. He's in there too.

That part of me should come out soon or it's going to be to late

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Don't tell me, tell him.

You know, it doesn't make it easier to dramatize your feelings. Okay, I know you feel like crap right now; I've been hospitalized for my own suicidal thoughts. I know you don't get there if there isn't a lot of things wrong. But if you insist on focusing on what's wrong and how they'll never change, you're going to miss the fact that not everything is wrong and that everything changes.

Well, unless you're dead, then everything stays pretty much the way you left it. Except you get to decay, and everyone you love gets to suffer instead of you.

Can you tell I'm not a big fan of suicide?

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I am so sorry you are in so much pain. You ARE worthy, and you don't deserve all of this.

You say you did well in school. What did you like, as in what subject? What interests you outside of your girlfriend. I am talking about a job or if you could go to college to do something you love?

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