I dont know what is my problem

[SammyDescartes]

I used to be creative, sketching , writing stories with O Henry like endings...

Then something dark happened, and I lost my voice (as in creativity)

(Something dark refers to a s**ual relationship between me and another member of my family)

Then I grew up and everything was fine until a point......

My religion forbids me to cut hair due to holy reasons.

Their reasons are not mine and I find this attitude very medieval and restrictive.

I have only kept my hair unil now because I respect my grandparents, also because it has become a part of me now, and altough I dont like it, its the only me I have ever known.

Apart from this , I really try to be humble, and I am really good at my job, and sometimes I am too arrogant for my own good, but I just cant help it. How can you turn off arrogance like a switch. Iis impossible.

But I do want to get rid of it, to be humbled.

I want to chane my life, coz this life doesnt seem worth livin..

Used to have crazy thoughts like givin up , but havent thought like that in a while.

So I guess thats good.

Wonder if thers a plan to overcome this kind of thing

become You2.0, everyone likes me, I am humble and sweet, not sarcastic and arogant

Please help me bring light coz all is dark

[malign]

Hi Sammy, and welcome.

Did you ever get any help with the "something dark"? Was the other person caught or punished? Have you had any help, professional or parental, in dealing with the feelings that inevitably come from something like that?

I had a friend in college who was Sikh, and the eldest son. His religion forbade him to cut his hair (I don't know if that's your religion, and I'm not asking; it's just a story about someone in a similar situation.) He struggled very hard with the restriction. His family had brought him to the U.S. as a child, and he couldn't decide how to live. His younger brother cut his hair (his own hair) and shocked the family, but not as badly as if my friend had cut his. Too, he didn't want an arranged marriage back home; he kept hoping to meet a girl here and marry for love. I'm sorry to say that I lost touch with him, and don't know how it came out. But I do always think of him as a friend; he built and sold me the first PC-compatible computer I ever owned, back when 20 Meg was a lot of hard drive. ;-)

Back to you, though. You don't seem particularly arrogant, so far. Who tells you that you are, and how sure are you that they're correct?

[LaLa]

Hello, S.D., welcome!

First of all; as I see you from what you wrote, you're still full of creative potential and haven't lost your 'voice', it's just hidden in the darkness and thus seems unaccessible to you, but it still "leaks" a bit and is visible in your little jokes (as "You2.0") and your original way of expression.

As you probably know, traumatic experiences, mainly in childhood, may have dramatic impacts and sometimes a recovery is possible only via a long and complicated process of psychotherapy. Have you ever considered this and is it an option for you where you live?

I wonder what an appropriate way of asking you about your "dark childhood experience" would be... So, firstly; are you willing to disclose more about it here? It might, for instance, prepare you for becoming able to discuss it with a therapist, in person, which is much more difficult than anonymously on the web, but usually also much more useful/helpful.

Arrogance is one of the ways unhappiness and dissatisfaction with oneself can manifest. It will be rather easy to be humble and sweet quite often when you will "feel better in your skin"...

I understand that you may see only darkness around you now, but I believe it's possible to re-discover the light, as well as your creativity, ... (Creative actions need also motivation and pessimism, sadness, and confusion may destroy it.)

Oh, M. posted while I was writing...

Take care, S.D.!