I'm new here I need help

[Rose]

Hello everyone I'm a 15 year old girl, I just need help with this problem which is killing me so here's everything: nearly a year ago I created a twitter account and evolved a habit in stalking celebrities I've stalked so many celebrities and people but never became obsessed and jealous of someone as much as I became with this girl she's funny pretty and everything, I even wish if she was my sister once lol anyways I tried to forget about that and tried to stop being jealous by going out with family or friends and spending time with them but she kept coming in my mind so once I tried to ask her to follow me back but she didn't reply anyways so I started to stalk her on instagram I nearly know everything about her because i stalked her so much and still sometimes because I can't help it and began being jealous of her sister too they're my age they live in a country far a away from mine but same ethnicity the problem here I can't stop being jealous or stop thinking about this daily please help me I try to kick those thoughts out of my mind by saying 'people from Internet whom you don't know don't mean anything or do not affect your life' but it turns out the opposite I swear this thing is ruining my life please someone help me

[LaLa]

Hello, Rose, welcome

I see how this can affect someone's life, it sounds really like an obsession . I'm sorry I don't have "guidelines" how to get rid of it, but I'd like to tell you that you've done the first steps already - you recognized it as a problem you want to solve and you reached out for some help; that's positive .

It seem to me that saying this

'people from Internet whom you don't know don't mean anything or do not affect your life'

is rather like a kind of denial of the problem. It would seem better trying to find out and understand what "people from Internet whom you don't know" mean to you, and that girl in particular, and why you have needed it. There must be a (hidden, not superficial) need behind it and there should be another, healthier and not painful, way to satisfy that need.

What do you think?

[Rose]

Hello thanks for answering me

I think maybe I became obsessed with that maybe because she's of the same background as I am and these thoughts started coming to me like "we're of some similar ancestors and all why didn't I turn out to be like her why is she prettier if I looked like her I would have got more hits from boys like she does and all" and when I also started to think in how to solve it like looking at the things I have and she doesn't it just seems that she's also a funny person and a religious one but sometimes I see stupid and bad qualities in her but I don't know I always have the thought that she's better than me while she has nothing better than I do sometimes i try to satisfy myself that I'm better than her but my mind doesn't just get satisfied, I tried getting help from my sister on this i asked who was prettier she said i was prettier than that girl and her sister etc etc but I still think that she is. I also always get this thought about that she has a better life than I do and also sometimes I wish if I was her and all of these thoughts start coming i just can't help it but I also want to get over it and start living in 'real life' not Internet one but also when I'm not on Internet (I usually don't even spend time on internet just sometimes for a quick glance I do from my phone) what I really meant by 'Internet life' is always thinking of it or the people you know through it like her i have no connection to her in real life, what I really want is starting to think about "real life" and stop thinking about her and everything related to her like kicking her out of my mind forever please help me I want to get rid of this it really bothers me i can't even concentrate on the things happening to me and the situations I'm getting in its like I'm not in this world but in the world of my own fantasy

[malign]

Wow, did you write all that in one breath? :-)

I guess the first question would be, how's "real life" treating you? It would be fairly normal to want to run away if real life isn't going very well. The next question is about an underlying assumption that runs through this whole thing: what are you using to measure with? "Hits" from guys? Someone's opinion of what "prettier" means? How do you know if a life is "better" or not?

It's pretty common in our teenage years (yes, very long ago, I was one too) to try to find out where we fit in, what's good and bad about us (and others). It's only after quite a while (maybe half a lifetime?) that we really understand that it's no good being anyone but ourselves. Even when we would rather not be, because being someone else is just fake. If you find something about yourself that you want to change, change it, but not because it'll make you more like someone else, but because it'll make you more like you.

[Rose]

Thanks for answering me

Wow, did you write all that in one breath? :-)

I guess the first question would be, how's "real life" treating you? It would be fairly normal to want to run away if real life isn't going very well. The next question is about an underlying assumption that runs through this whole thing: what are you using to measure with? "Hits" from guys? Someone's opinion of what "prettier" means? How do you know if a life is "better" or not?

It's pretty common in our teenage years (yes, very long ago, I was one too) to try to find out where we fit in, what's good and bad about us (and others). It's only after quite a while (maybe half a lifetime?) that we really understand that it's no good being anyone but ourselves. Even when we would rather not be, because being someone else is just fake. If you find something about yourself that you want to change, change it, but not because it'll make you more like someone else, but because it'll make you more like you.

Lol yes I think so

About how real is treating' me um well I think it depends, won't deny going through depression but I heard its common for people my age. Nooo I didn't mean that in particular being really pretty is nice and sometimes it makes you feel special or something, you can know from the lifestyle of a person and all

Yes that's right, and thank you again really appreciated this it helped a bit and to LaLa3 3 too, anyways thanks for helping me get through this with some little steps

[malign]

Sometimes it helps to breathe between sentences (or between thoughts.) It slows us down so we get to question what our brains just said. It's easier for assumptions to get past unquestioned if we go too fast. See, this is a thing about being young: you have more energy and so you get more done, but we old people are slower so we have (and need) more patience.

Depression is common in teenagers. Sadly, though, it's pretty common later too (I had it then, and I've had it, well, recently -- five years or so ago.) I guess what I was wondering about real life would be things like parents, friends, school. Too, you mentioned you might be a different ethnicity from those around you; is that a source of stress?

Did you know that, pretty or not, you're already special? There's exactly one of you, anywhere in the world. You're the only one there is, completely unique. Who else can say that? Well, okay, everyone, but that doesn't make it less meaningful. Just by being here, you're already as "good" as you need to be.

[Rose]

Yes thank you really thanks so much I feel good now

And yes being a different ethnicity sometimes gets me lost because you can't find out to where you really belong and all and you're lost between 2 different societies and all

[malign]

Rose, you always know where you belong: there's even a you-shaped hole in the atmosphere designed specially for you. :-)

[Rose]

Thanks so much (: