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Do We Need to Separate?


malign
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I've been noticing some changes in the SPS portion of the community that I thought would be better brought into the open and discussed.

Any community of people changes over time. People join and people leave. What we would like to prevent would be people leaving because they have trouble finding support in the community they're in. Our site is dedicated to helping as many people as possible, which involves chasing away as few as possible.

However, lately it seems that the SPS group is splitting into two factions. I do not have an opinion about the "quality" of either faction; we're all at the place we are. Unfortunately, the factions are coming into some conflict because they disagree about what they want to hear.

One faction is trying to think more positively and to see where that takes them. The other faction feels that this is a mistake that requires lying to oneself. I repeat, the site takes no position on this debate; I may personally hold an opinion but I have no interest in imposing it on others.

The problem is that the first faction finds input from the second to be draining and holding them back. And the second faction feels that the first faction is implying that they "should" be doing more to change something they see as unchangeable.

Both are entitled to their opinions and feelings. {As if anyone could take those away from them anyway.} But it's painful for the two factions to read each other's posts. So, it occurred to me that perhaps, in order to give both factions a place to feel comfortable on the same site, we might be facing a need to split the SPS forum in some way.

What I'm not sure of is exactly how. We could create entirely different forums, but they're still both about SPS. We could just suggest that new topics include some indication of which faction they appeal to, so that the other faction could decide to read or not. But that would require compliance on the part of every original poster, and some discipline on the part of reader/commenters, not to post their faction's opinion in the other faction's threads.

Or, we could decide that we really can all live together in the same forum, but that will require greater tolerance: the first faction will need to be able to handle people who don't believe positive thinking can help, and the second faction will need to be able to handle people whose positive thinking may seem to imply some kind of deficiency in those who don't feel positive.

I can't make that call on my own. Well, I could, but only I would be satisfied. And I don't expect everybody to be satisfied with any solution; we go back to basic group dynamics again. But I hope that as many people as possible will see that we're trying to find ways to help them, and allow for the existence of other viewpoints.

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I can deal with whatever at this point. I'm not even going to be bothered anymore. I'm moving forward as I always have. Ill continue to offer support and if I hit a bump I know where to come.

If this is a support group then ask all members to abide by that and not shit on someone's post or try to undermine anything good someone has to say. I think it would be good to grow up a little bit and start acting like a man and not a child.

Yea I know this hurts. It hurt me but either you adapt to your situation or you're doomed. That's life and it sucks.

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I really don't get it, what factions? There are maybe one or two guys left who are super pessimistic, is that really such a big deal? I mean, I know this is a mental help site and all, which requires some sensibility on everyone's part, but maybe a thicker skin would be appropriate for both?

It's not necessary to separate anything, but maybe some more professionalism regarding managing this sub-forum would be smart. My reason why I don't post in this section anymore is just how unorganized and random everything here is. Just look at the first page, there are so many threads with not even ten posts, because for some reason certain users here haven't heard the basic rules on how to post in forums, which includes not opening a new thread for every crappy little revelation you might have, added with the fact that users like infrared and firefighter have destroyed my enthusiasm for this place anyway, so there's that.

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First off if I have offended anyone or depressed anyone Im sorry- I do try and be positive and but I know I have my bad days.

I like to vent here as its either that or scream at the walls or cry- but I know that cannot always be pleasant to witness.

But this is my ONLY daily sounding board. I simply will not and cannot vent to my family or friends.

I have a good counsellor but I cannot always be completely candid with her and there are time constraints.

I think a light touch moderation is fine and hopefully we can tolerate each other.

If you think someone is trolling, ignore their posts.

If you think someone is wrong- disagree using polite terms.

Politeness is free... so we can afford to have it

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Jessie you're good. Even if one of your posts have annoyed me at one time I don't consider it a big deal. I understand days sometimes can be shitty. What I'm talking about in particular is when something goes right or is looking up you get someone who wants to tear down the bridge you've built. That's wrong and it happens here. That's why i started getting pissed of these past few weeks. Like "hey my life has been going great" then you get "it's only a matter of time she leaves you for a real man"

I'm not saying those are the exact words used at times but its the overall attitude and its not the way a "support forum" should work.

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Malign, I've noticed the same disconnect happening over the last few weeks. Some of the guys here are trapped in a pit of despair that's hard to deal with or even fight against. But I grow just as weary of the 'tough love' of others that have an immediate in your face attitude.

I've found I've began to simply skip over their posts without even reading them. Both camps are so annoying I don't even bother.

I do tend to read Jessie and a few others posts all the time. They tend to be more......I dunno.....unpredictable? And thoughtful.

Some of the folks here you don't even have to bother reading. One way or the other you already know what they're going to say. But there are a few that I can tell put a lot of thought into what they say before posting.

If you split the community up into two parts, I'll have to read them both because the thoughtful folks fall into both camps.

John

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Splitting it up, would that be like 2 types of dongs?

Seriously SPS is not a happy thing so I am not sure who would be over in the sunshine camp and if grown men & women can't handle reading some negative downer gloomy stuff in an anonymous chat room than all I can say is life must have been pretty sweet up to this point.

Just sharing my thoughts, open to others.

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Malign, I've noticed the same disconnect happening over the last few weeks. Some of the guys here are trapped in a pit of despair that's hard to deal with or even fight against. But I grow just as weary of the 'tough love' of others that have an immediate in your face attitude.

I've found I've began to simply skip over their posts without even reading them. Both camps are so annoying I don't even bother.

This is crucial, I think some members here need to finally understand this. On the other hand you have folks like wasted who are so over the top depressive that even I, someone who is quite pessimistic about this, sometimes has to roll his eyes at some posts, but the same thing I can say about perseverance, who is pretty invasive with his aggressive optimism and forced try to imbue this place with some artificial non-existent happiness.

It's like that time where he posted a positive story, asked for opinions, and was mad about not hearing what he wanted to hear. This is why the quote below is important;

Seriously SPS is not a happy thing so I am not sure who would be over in the sunshine camp and if grown men & women can't handle reading some negative downer gloomy stuff in an anonymous chat room than all I can say is life must have been pretty sweet up to this point.

Just sharing my thoughts, open to others.

I've been reading on this forum for years now, and I still fail to see what is so different, that we need to separate in groups now.

Again, this is a mental help site, but some folks here seriously need a thicker skin.

Just saying, my life is fucking hell and I also attempted suicide with this issue being one of the main factors, and not even I'm being that whiny and burdening.

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It's obvious this is about wasted and myself. This is probably my cue to leave here. Clearly I don't mesh.

Come one, Dude. You should stay, because well you bring hope over here. At least to me, I don't know about the others.

However having that said I would be very interested in hearing about why you're being successful and it would also be interesting to see if we could discuss certain topics and perhaps experiment a little. Like what's the outcome if you do this and that etc etc. You get the point, right? Like I mentioned in one of my thread called "Some theories" I bring up the theory that it's all about what you do and what you have, not who you are, when it comes to getting different responses from people.

Anyway I like your posts so don't feel down if you hear something negative from certain people. I think that if those guys would get their life together at some point, then even they would be really grateful that the information is available to them as well.

Keep up what you're doing and keep on with the improvement.

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I would've expected it to be obvious that if I thought it was useful to name names, or for anyone to leave, I wouldn't have started this thread at all ...

Anyone who puts their happiness entirely in the hands of others has made themselves vulnerable. But the only way for them to heal themselves is to recognize their part in the process. And it would be unhelpful for me to be more specific, because those I would intend to help would interpret my words as disapproval and be unhappy.

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I've only posted on this forum a month or so ago when I just about had had enough of it. There had been a new study out there that had trumped my fragile defense mechanisms and I just collapsed. After reading others' posts on this forum I just became even more depressed what with people advising small penis humiliation, penis extenders, relying on the fact that love transcends any physical aspect of the body, working out to make yourself feel better or just using humor to get over it. There are times when I've thought of writing up a detailed post about everything I'm going through and the I just get lost in circles because there's just too much. The problem with me is I have an answer for everything and that just makes me feel even more crappy. Like the fact that no, working out would not compensate for lack of an average penis. There's a recent study (I'll quote it on this forum once I find it again, I came across it on google scholar 2 weeks ago and cant seem to find it in the history) that shows that men who try to compensate with money, status or other things they can control do not ever feel satisfied. This was out of a good journal by the way. And isn't that what I've been doing all my life? Focused myself on studies. Got into med school. Avoided sexual intimacy. Been going to the gym. It still sucks. A week ago I had a confrontation with my father about this. He too has a penis on the smaller end but its bigger than mine. He asked me to quit thinking about this and I tried to explain it to him that it's not that easy. For a week now I've been scouring through medical literature for short and long term outcomes of penile augmentation surgery. Even though I always feel like I should leave this forum alone for all your benefit, I keep getting drawn to it because it's the first time I've ever been this frank. But it's at the risk of dragging you all to my pit of hell.

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The suggestions aren't made to depressed anyone. They are simply things that have worked for other people.

A lot of them are great ideas and have brought about good results. This ties into the topic here. Some people feel their lot in life as helpless where others have decided to help themselves.

It's easy to play the victim, it's a lot harder to be the hero.... Basically, you can let the cards control you or you can control the cards.

Personally, Perserverence I hope you stay.

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Siddiqui- we get you- we do.

The pain, loniliness, the anguish, the frustration, the shame, the sheet injustice....

Plenty of us have mentioned suicide thoughts and horrible experiences...

I have been very close to the edge.... and you know what.... Im happy Im still here....

YOU WILL have some good days... in the future...

READ some of Cece's old posts...

Surgery is NOT an answer... positivity and self reliance is...

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Cece,

Perseverance is actually one member whose posts I draw strength from. When I came to this forum a month ago, I was very explicit that I do not need pity or empathy, I just need advice or something to help me get over it. But you're right I've found playing the victim is easy and sometimes cathartic in a weird way

Jessie, but how long? I mean consciously I might have convinced myself but its still there in the back of my head and sometimes it just comes out and ruins everything

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Because they have convinced themselves that happiness cannot be achieved. Seeing someone buck their belief system causes them discomfort.

But......just........sigh........why? I mean COME ON!!!! REALLY!!!!

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