What am I?

[Daegan]

Hello there, my name is Daegan Lyles and I don't know what's wrong with me. I am constantly angry and I have a burning hatred for well, everything except my friends and a lack of empathy and sympathy. Along with that , I don't care about anything (except me and my friends) and I have this desire, this thirst if you will, to kill. I love animals, but humans I find irritating. I am quite intelligent as well. Now just generic info to help: I am 15, male, and I am currently trying to date my best friend, she's a lovely lady with her own mental issues (more on her in future posts). I am loyal to my friends and them alone, every other person on Earth could disappear. PLEASE HELP

[malign]

Well, I'm tempted to borrow a line from a Bruce Willis movie, "The Fifth Element", and say "You're a meat popsicle", but since it was made before you were born you're probably looking at me like I'm crazy, now. Probably not that different from how people look at me anyway, so ... :-)

I'd suggest offhand removing your last name at least from the post; you don't want people looking you up ten years from now and finding this. Not that it's bad, but that it ought to be private. For instance, people who know you could probably also identify your friend, based off this post.

Finding humans irritating isn't that uncommon, and for a teenager I'd call it normal. Let's face it: we are irritating. Feeling your emotions strongly is also pretty common. You say you lack empathy, but I'm going to bet that you mean empathy for certain people. You probably feel empathy for your friend and her issues, don't you? Maybe you're expecting more from yourself than is fair? Or comparing yourself to others?

You also said you feel loyalty to your friends and that everyone else could disappear. Having noted that "everyone" seems to include your parents, is there a reason for that? Do they treat you badly?

[Daegan]

Nono dear sir, I catch the reference hahaha

[Daegan]

In answers to your questions, my parents abandoned me when I was 5, I live with my grandparents and as of the matter of the lack of empathy: I only have empathy for my friends, and I don't find humans irritating, I was euphanizing how immense the hatred for the human race I feel is. Here's an example: I'm walking down the hallway and school and I spot a fellow; I don't know him, I don't know what he sounds like, i just see him and I immediately think in me head ' I hate him and want him dead' now my dear sir, I doubt this is normal because I feel this way about everyone I see that I haven't befriended. Besides the only I empathize with my friends is because they share similar mental traits with me. I view them as different versions of myself

[Daegan]

Oh in the matter of people looking me up in the future, I have no regrets about posting my full nam eit just means I've come to tuerms with my mental dysfunctionality

[malign]

Well, you don't seem that dysfunctional to me, at least so far. And I hope you'll consider the effects of your name decision on others whom you might end up discussing. Anyway, it's your decision.

So, with strangers you feel intense hatred, but at some point, it's possible for you to befriend some people. Once you befriend them, do you ever feel a return of the hatred? It's interesting that you feel they share certain mental traits with you, and other people don't. Is it possible that most people share (at least some of) those traits, but you never give them a chance to show you that they do?

Do you know how your friends view you? Do they agree about being different aspects of you?

I'm sorry about what happened with your parents. I hope you can see that their decision to abandon their child couldn't possibly be their child's fault; whatever their reasons, only they as the adults are responsible for them. But in the end, it only transfers my question to your grandparents: how do you get along with them?

Do you believe that the feelings you're describing are causing you harm, reducing the quality of your life? If so, would you consider trying to change them, and if you would, how much effort would you put into it? If not, of course, you probably wouldn't need to change anything, except maybe to forgive yourself for being who you are.

[Daegan]

thank you, but we have a few more issues, I am constantly angry, and I mean constantly, plus there is also my bloodlust

[Daegan]

Also my friends know that I view them as shades of myself ,if you will, they're response was positive

I get along fine with my grandparents, and as with these feelings I do believe that they do have a negative effect. I feel lonely and unwanted by society, plus I... I feel this evil brewing inside of me...I can feel a monster in me... a monster that only wants to cause pain and suffering.

[Daegan]

I would like to apologize if I am coming across as a jackass, that tends to happen when I speak or type

[finding my way]

Is it possible for you to get a perspective on these feelings? Gain some insight for why they are happening? You are welcome to explore your thoughts and feelings here.

When we are in the midst of feeling strong emotions, it can trigger responses in others but it can also trigger another part of you to the point of feeling like you start to split apart--- the one part feeling this intense anger, the other part feeling the need to judge this anger and control it, or something like that, and we can get to feeling quite out of sorts with ourselves.

Is there any chance for you to see a therapist? A therapist is skilled at helping a person sort these things out...

Wishing you well today!

[Daegan]

Thank you Finding My Way

I had a therapist, I had one visit then she got sick (with a virus of some sort)and was hospitalized; she took time off and at the end of her sick leave, she got in a major car wreck and has an extra three months off.

Kinda funny, as soon as she meets me she starts having horrific luck

[Daegan]

also more symptoms, I am always tired

to day I learned my aunt dies and we were close but I can't mourn, I'm only thinking 'well shit that sucks'

[malign]

What does mourning sound like? I'm not sure you can "do it wrong." It does suck, and I'm sorry, that your aunt is gone. But mourning isn't something we all do the same way ...

You don't come across as a jackass, in my opinion, which does open up the question of why it's your opinion. You sound like you're pretty hard on yourself, a lot of the time.

If you feel like you're developing into a monster, and you don't want that (I can imagine some people do want to, and they're the ones I worry about), it makes sense to wonder how you can prevent the change. Would you have any interest in talking to a counselor or therapist to find out what you can do about it?

[Daegan]

well, i don't feel sad she dead

and i could use a new counselor

[Daegan]

as of now there are only three things that make the anger go away: pokemon (great distraction and occupies my thoughts), the aforementioned girl i'm trying to date ( i think i love her), and my friends (we have the same problem)

[Daegan]

One more thing I fell I should mention, I feel lonely, so lonely

[LaLa]

Hello, Daegan,

I'm reading this interesting "conversation" and I'd like to remind some important questions which haven't been addressed:

Is it possible for you to get a perspective on these feelings? Gain some insight for why they are happening? You are welcome to explore your thoughts and feelings here.

When we are in the midst of feeling strong emotions, it can trigger responses in others but it can also trigger another part of you to the point of feeling like you start to split apart--- the one part feeling this intense anger, the other part feeling the need to judge this anger and control it, or something like that, and we can get to feeling quite out of sorts with ourselves.

Maybe I could add another one: What makes you feel so lonely? Can you identify what whould solve it?

(It's common that some people feel lonely even though they have friends, so I don't wonder "how it is possible"; I'm just pointing at something to think about (how is it in your particular case and what could you do about it).)

I wish you good luck with finding your peace of mind and getting rid of the lonelyness!

[Daegan]

Thank you LaLa3, but the problem is I don't know why I feel lonely, I just do.

I also have been trying to get some perspective on these emotions and have gotten nowhere.

[LaLa]

I see... It's often very difficult to identify the reasons of our emotions / feelings as well as to get perspective. But failing at the beginning isn't a reason to give up .

May I ask you about the anger? Can you "analyze" it a bit? What are the aspects of mankind or particular people that you detest? What are you angry at the most?

BTW, when I was your age, I also detested humankind and I was convinced that it would be the best if everybody voluntarily committed suicide at the same time - all humans would disappear at the same moment and that would be the only ("just" impossible...) "solution to everything". (I was just lucky I didn't have the will to kill or hurt anybody. But I believe you can get rid of it, slowly but effectively.)

[Rose]

It's maybe that you have anger inside you and don't know how to express it or bring it out, whenever I feel that way i try out my hobbies because they help in bringing out the anger and sadness like drawing or writing a story/making up a story or even a comic sports and music/singing does as well or even writing this post it does really help

Hope this helped

[Daegan]

Thank you Rose, I will try that

[Daegan]

Pardon, my forgetfulness , but I may have already mentioned that I'm an insomniac which makes me always tired and unmotivated;

if so just disregard this post.

[Cece.dedesl]

There could be a harmless and very simple reason that you're feeling this way.... Puberty is very powerful. At 15 you're going through a roller coaster of hormones. I know when I was your age I felt similar things.

[Daegan]

Well, Cece.dedesl, let's just say I 'bloomed' earlier in my life as opposed to now

[finding my way]

How are you doing, Daegan?