My mind is clogged...

[wannabetesla]

I find it consistently challenging to think straight, or at all period. It's a struggle to read and comprehend what I am actually reading. I find my self having to read something several times over to even process what is there. Even when I do it's like it never even happened. It's as though the information just goes into my head then just disappears. Memories seem to just be random and few. (most of them never even happened because they're just dreams) Independent thought is just as challenging. Typing just this is a struggle. The only times my mind feels right is when I'm partaking in mindless activities such as playing video games or watching television. (I figure that's because my mind isn't exactly the most active at those times, hence "mindless") My mind does not feel empty though, just clogged. It feels like there's a bunch of information in my head... almost to much... but I can't seem to access it, or intentionally add to it. I'll have my moments of intellectual prowess, or information intake, but it just seems incredibly random. Usually it's without trying, and I usually don't even realize it until later.

Now for most of my educational career schooling came moderately easy to me. Whenever I actually put any effort in school I would come out with at least a B. It was like this up until about sophomore year of high school, but after that my grades steadily decline until I almost failed out. Though as I previously stated, it wasn't as if I was getting less intelligent or the subjects just became to challenging, but more like I was losing the ability to be learn. Now I'm 19 going on 20, and the clog has only gotten more and more worse.

Now the only thing I've be able to associate this with is a untreatable... sexual... psychological... problem I have. The escalation of the severity and mental strain of the problem over time corresponds with that of the intensifying "clog". Yet I still seek another cause for it. Probably I'm in denial, for if my unfortunate sexual psychological problem is the only factor that is causing this "clog" and stripping me of my inability to learn so I may advance in life in way that will benefit the society around me then I'm afraid that I will be finally out of reasons to be.

Also I've been having this increasing fear that I'm actually mentally retarded in some way, and that all memories of intellectual success and normality are all built on lies and form the pity of other. That I've just been to dim to notice until now.

And I've been feeling more and more like I am in some idling dream state. Like I am just watching my life happen before my eyes and I have no direct control over what I do or say.

[IrmaJean]

Hello, wannabetesla, and welcome to the community.

I'm sorry you are struggling. How are you feeling otherwise? Any sadness or anxiety? Have you recently experienced a loss or been through anything traumatic? Have you ever spoken with a medical doctor or therapist about this?

I'm not sure what sexual problem you may be experiencing, but are you certain it's not treatable? Maybe it helps to consider everything that is bothering you rather than trying to identify a specific cause and effect.

I'm sorry I ask so many questions...

I have trouble focusing and concentrating at times when I'm very tired, stressed, or feeling sad. I don't know if any of that might fit for you. It helps me to take the time to relax and remember my needs. Going for a quiet walk, sitting in nature and meditation are activities that seem to help me. What helps you to relax?

Take care.

[wannabetesla]

Hello, wannabetesla, and welcome to the community.

I'm sorry you are struggling. How are you feeling otherwise? Any sadness or anxiety? Have you recently experienced a loss or been through anything traumatic? Have you ever spoken with a medical doctor or therapist about this?

I'm not sure what sexual problem you may be experiencing, but are you certain it's not treatable? Maybe it helps to consider everything that is bothering you rather than trying to identify a specific cause and effect.

I'm sorry I ask so many questions...

I have trouble focusing and concentrating at times when I'm very tired, stressed, or feeling sad. I don't know if any of that might fit for you. It helps me to take the time to relax and remember my needs. Going for a quiet walk, sitting in nature and meditation are activities that seem to help me. What helps you to relax?

Take care.

How am I feeling otherwise? I dunno... I mean everything but happy? I dunno... Allot of sadness... And Im pretty sure my middle name is anxiety. There has never been much trauma in my life and what has been never affected me much.

I am certain that it is untreatable. I've done my research. Any attempts have resulted in little to no results. I would love to see a therapist about it but Im afraid it all might just come down to my sexual problem, which I can not disclose to a therapist with out chancing ruining my life.

[Confusedaily]

I suffer from bipolar disorder and panic attacks. It seems at times my life is ruined by them.

You say ur worried about a theripist finding out a

bout ur sexual problem. And it can ruin ur life?

As I read ur story. Seems to me ur ability to not learn is ruining ur life.

theripist are to help. Not harm. Its against their oath. Maybe u need to speak to a theripist and start working thru some of ur gloggyness.

Their are great ones out there. Find one. U trust. T

There even groups for theripy.

A theripist can also help u with the proper diagnoses so u can be treated.

Don't give up.

DONNA

[tracedcomple]

You need a sort of discipline. Make a list of things you have to do, and write it down on paper. Then when you start to lose your mind, read that list, and concentrate on the things you have to do.