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i want to die

The Beholder

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everything in my life is falling apart. i'm getting too old to do anything with my life. i feel like i'm dragging down the only people in my life who matter to me. i can't make friends with people. i'm always terrified that people will find me out and kill me. i have no money and i live in a miserable intolerant place full of idiots, and i can't afford to go anywhere else. i'm broke again and i can't pay my rent. a few minutes ago i was out walking and i could barely keep myself from crying. i felt compelled to just walk out into traffic. i just can't convince myself that there's any point in staying alive.

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Hey Beholder, I'm sorry you're feeling so down. I would point out, though, that just by staying alive, you demonstrated that there's at least a part of you that sees a point in staying that way. But it's not a part that you seem to be able to connect to consciously, with your thinking awareness. Yet it's a part that may have quite a bit to teach you ...

I don't care what the underlying problem is, the idea that dying improves anything about living isn't going to work. And I've been to that point, and others in this thread been to that point ... There is a way. If you can't think of one, get help from anyone out there including a hotline, until you can think of a way.

Personally, I checked myself into a hospital. Your way will probably differ ... but one exists.

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  • 2 years later...

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