The Beholder Posted June 5, 2013 Report Share Posted June 5, 2013 everything in my life is falling apart. i'm getting too old to do anything with my life. i feel like i'm dragging down the only people in my life who matter to me. i can't make friends with people. i'm always terrified that people will find me out and kill me. i have no money and i live in a miserable intolerant place full of idiots, and i can't afford to go anywhere else. i'm broke again and i can't pay my rent. a few minutes ago i was out walking and i could barely keep myself from crying. i felt compelled to just walk out into traffic. i just can't convince myself that there's any point in staying alive. quamZoota and Boopayacasest 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IrmaJean Posted June 6, 2013 Report Share Posted June 6, 2013 I'm sorry things are so hard for you right now, The Beholder. It's always okay to cry and express yourself. We're here to listen. I also hope you will reach out for help if you need to. Take care. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
malign Posted June 6, 2013 Report Share Posted June 6, 2013 Hey Beholder, I'm sorry you're feeling so down. I would point out, though, that just by staying alive, you demonstrated that there's at least a part of you that sees a point in staying that way. But it's not a part that you seem to be able to connect to consciously, with your thinking awareness. Yet it's a part that may have quite a bit to teach you ...I don't care what the underlying problem is, the idea that dying improves anything about living isn't going to work. And I've been to that point, and others in this thread been to that point ... There is a way. If you can't think of one, get help from anyone out there including a hotline, until you can think of a way.Personally, I checked myself into a hospital. Your way will probably differ ... but one exists. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Victimorthecrime Posted June 7, 2013 Report Share Posted June 7, 2013 Beholder I wish you well and hope that you can find some employment that will fill your coffers with necessary resources to move to a better situation. Start small & go from there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Endlessnight Posted June 8, 2013 Report Share Posted June 8, 2013 I am sorry to hear you are feeling so bad. I hope you realise that there are people that care, sometimes strangers can help us more than those close to us, and though we are strangers we do care. Take care of yourself and don't lose hope. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Beholder Posted September 18, 2015 Author Report Share Posted September 18, 2015 I'm back here again because I don't know what else to do with myself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IrmaJean Posted September 18, 2015 Report Share Posted September 18, 2015 What is happening for you, Beholder? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Beholder Posted September 18, 2015 Author Report Share Posted September 18, 2015 I'm living alone, unable to work, and feeling like a prisoner. I spend all my time on the internet trying to find people who accept me, but people just want to pretend that I don't exist. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Resolute Posted September 18, 2015 Report Share Posted September 18, 2015 sorry to hear you're going through this man; your situation actually seems not unlike mine .i'm afraid i don't have anything helpful to say (as you can imagine), just that we're here to listen.take care. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Beholder Posted September 18, 2015 Author Report Share Posted September 18, 2015 Is your situation also the result of being a paedophile? Do you get death threats from the few people who don't ignore you? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Resolute Posted September 18, 2015 Report Share Posted September 18, 2015 no, it's other reasons; and i don't get any death threats. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TooOld4This Posted September 19, 2015 Report Share Posted September 19, 2015 Beholder, you have friends here, people who have suffered as you have and therefore believe you when you talk about your suffering. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Victimorthecrime Posted September 19, 2015 Report Share Posted September 19, 2015 I want to add my voice to those that are here to support you Beholder. I live alone and struggle to stay hopeful too, to say the least. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Beholder Posted September 19, 2015 Author Report Share Posted September 19, 2015 When I first posted this, I had a relationship. I was betrayed in such a painful way that I came extremely close to killing myself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Resolute Posted September 19, 2015 Report Share Posted September 19, 2015 When I first posted this, I had a relationship. I was betrayed in such a painful way that I came extremely close to killing myself.that really sucks . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Beholder Posted September 19, 2015 Author Report Share Posted September 19, 2015 I just can't figure out how I can find people who accept me, who i can be real life friends with. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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