Luna- Posted June 24, 2013 Report Share Posted June 24, 2013 Remind me again why it is important to go on...? I have forgotten.I seem to be on a slow slide downhill. Nothing happened to cause it. Things just slide, I get out less, I sit on my bed most of the day, I don't wash dishes, the kitchen is a mess, I don't shower very often (Last time was saturday. I suppose that it is not too bad. The time before was tuesday, I think.) There doesn't seem any point to doing any of these things. I spend the days and the nights in the same clothes and can't remember the last times I changed my bed linen.Last weekend it was too much to update the Weekend thread. Yesterday I fetched suicide out of the cupboard again and sat and thought about it all day. Do I have enough medication to finish me off? Maybe if I wait till just after I have fetched my month's supply. Is it lethal enough? No-one would miss me. I could be dead for weeks before anyone notices. This is the grim reality of my life.I have made an appointment with my therapist this morning. Could only get one in a weeks's time. Have not seen him since January, I think. I am only due to see the pdoc in October. My BP is supposedly stable and I only go every 6 months for a med check.But yeah, I forget why living is so important. Why is it again? RoopeOrier, WapfloapLeBep, TrizeEsses and 28 others 31 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
finding my way Posted June 24, 2013 Report Share Posted June 24, 2013 Oh Luna, I am so sorry you are going through this :(These are the thoughts of depression :(Is there any other person you can reach out to? Were you able to be honest and tell your therapist this was more urgent and a week was too long? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
malign Posted June 24, 2013 Report Share Posted June 24, 2013 It's important to go on because everything is finite, even depression.Despite its assurances that it plans to last forever.So take suicide out of the cupboard one last time, go over to the toilet, drop it in and flush.It's true: if you're isolating yourself, no one may notice for a while that you're gone, but that's not even close to not missing you. Maybe they miss you daily, but they assume you're doing what you need to do. One of the hard things, when you're depressed, is to avoid giving others the impression that you want your space.So thanks for telling us, Loonie, and for making an appointment with your therapist. We don't want to lose you. LaLa 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luna- Posted June 24, 2013 Author Report Share Posted June 24, 2013 Thank you finding. You can't really insist with the receptionist, she is a young girl and very sweet but she can only fill empty slots. But I saw your message and then phoned him on his cell, hopefully he will phone me back today or tomorrow. It's hard to be assertive, when really I can't claim that it is urgent. It is acute now, but it is also just another day in a row of bad days. It's not as if I don't know this territory. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luna- Posted June 24, 2013 Author Report Share Posted June 24, 2013 Thanks malign. I don't know what else to say. It all just came to a head. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
malign Posted June 24, 2013 Report Share Posted June 24, 2013 "Coming soon to a head near you ..." :-)If instead of plunging, you've had a gradual slide, it makes sense that it might have snuck up on you. But as you say, you've met this ogre before; you know his weak spots (between the knees is always a good one.) Take care of you, okay? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luna- Posted June 24, 2013 Author Report Share Posted June 24, 2013 You know, it might be finite but it is also recurring, so it always comes back. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
malign Posted June 24, 2013 Report Share Posted June 24, 2013 Life is a cycle. Bipolar is not unique, just larger swings.The good times in between recur also. I know that's not how it feels now, but there's no cycle without an upswing in it too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luna- Posted June 24, 2013 Author Report Share Posted June 24, 2013 My girls are old enough now to understand I think, they will be angry with me. What will happen to my cat? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
malign Posted June 24, 2013 Report Share Posted June 24, 2013 I'm not old enough to understand, my friend. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luna- Posted June 24, 2013 Author Report Share Posted June 24, 2013 Please don't use my name here. I'm sorry Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
malign Posted June 24, 2013 Report Share Posted June 24, 2013 I changed it.It's not I who'd need an apology. It's a decision we each make, and some of us, many times.Please get help now, okay? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luna- Posted June 24, 2013 Author Report Share Posted June 24, 2013 Will you edit it out? I am only able to be open here because I am anonymous on the open forum. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luna- Posted June 24, 2013 Author Report Share Posted June 24, 2013 Thanks. Our post are crossing each other. Thank you for being here, malign. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
finding my way Posted June 24, 2013 Report Share Posted June 24, 2013 The fact that it is coming to a head means it is urgent. Dear one, thank you for reaching out! I wish I could reach over the miles and hold your hand Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luna- Posted June 24, 2013 Author Report Share Posted June 24, 2013 I am hoping he will check his phone before he goes home today. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luna- Posted June 24, 2013 Author Report Share Posted June 24, 2013 Thank you, both of you... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
finding my way Posted June 24, 2013 Report Share Posted June 24, 2013 well if he's like most people he will check it!would you consider calling a friend, Luna? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luna- Posted June 24, 2013 Author Report Share Posted June 24, 2013 But it is just me having a crisis, it's still not really urgent. I mean I have had these before. It feels lousy and then I drug myself and go to sleep. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luna- Posted June 24, 2013 Author Report Share Posted June 24, 2013 My one friend would not cope well with this, I don't want to put it on her.My other friend would want to take me to hospital. That would be really, really, really unnecessary. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
malign Posted June 24, 2013 Report Share Posted June 24, 2013 What part of the word "crisis" is allowed to mean "not urgent"? Just because a thing has happened before, or the thing is temporary, doesn't mean it isn't important. Most torture is quite brief; I still recommend stopping it when possible. :-PThere's a reason they recommend that medical people not treat themselves ... ShooraTrop 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
finding my way Posted June 24, 2013 Report Share Posted June 24, 2013 would it help just to make contact? you don't have to say any more than what you want to say, just talk to another human being and allow yourself to interact... even if it is just about shoes or sandwiches... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luna- Posted June 24, 2013 Author Report Share Posted June 24, 2013 I would just cry on the phone the way I am doing now. I don't want to hassle anyone. Thank you for being here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luna- Posted June 24, 2013 Author Report Share Posted June 24, 2013 He is not going to phone. It's 5.09pm Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
finding my way Posted June 24, 2013 Report Share Posted June 24, 2013 I am so sorry you hurt :( have you been crying before today? you don't have to answer... just wondering if your expressions are different today Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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