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Neot


Neutral
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This is a gift and a curse, the ability to feel others emotions. At a price of your own. As an indigo I can't help but feel only what those around me feels. It makes being happy a pain, when those around see you as bad.

I find it confusing starting a conversation, as my mind keeps talking within its walls. I feel as if I were fighting an army, of every living human. Fighting to survive a conversation too live with no consence of what I've encountered.

Living againsts the norms of society I find I care nothing for sexuality. And at the same time struggle not to masterbate my loniness away. I still am unable to go 27 days.

I had been charged with possession last Friday, my bro, and bro also. I find it troubling to think it had been a set up for me to rat out thirty Guy. As I was told, "Your real bro said he'll shoot you." Actuality, it means he sees me as a "fake" a rat that'll say anything to save himself. Well he's partially right, but I wont ruin another's to gain my own back. I rather get out of that life, since I'm alone in the end.

It is hard remembering my chuinibyou, flirtations texting freak. It ruin my hope at a normal conversation. Instead I spent nights searching the internet for love. I wish I could take back my hopeless romance and find a life. A pervert with no hopes at real relationships. I just used what I already had, a shitty life. Too intertain others into wanting to help me. Although they fell for me, nothing changed the fact I had no ides what it meant to feel love. I just followed the girls queue faking a love afteranother. In till I sealed off that mimicship into a safe. To be thrown away. One can't be themselves by being another.

Years I spent in the school system, too make my grandparents happy. Just to never learn anything. All I ever got was random words. A place to study other humans, seeing how happy such inconsiable friendships made happiness. I never understood how people found that friendship. Was it because I was an only child? Raised in a family of hipocritical church lovers. Where my one true name is, "brat" and the only way to change that is to blindly follow orders. "Too go to college, too become a Christian, too get a better job, too be Nice to them as if that was possible.

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I feel you except I am just incapable of feeling most emotions, but being raised in a Christian environment whilst not being one yourself does make you feel unwanted, my problem with converstaions is my social awkwardness and well, just general oddness, if you need to talk, you have my ear

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Welcome to our community, Neutral. Being sensitive can be a burden but it is also a gift! Maybe right now you need more of your needs met before it can feel like a gift. Is there any chance for you to see a therapist? We all need help working through our struggles from time to time. You are welcome to keep talking here!

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