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Uncontrollable Mental Pain and Lashing Out


xLucettax
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okay so I've just noticed that I have some sort of issue my parents and family keep barking at me about where they tell me to "stop whining! get over it!"

I notice that there are times that stopping crying, whining and moaning seems uncontrolable because i'm in so much mental pain. Some days I have it for just a few minutes or it could last for days where my mind goes berserk with depression and other horrible feelings that make me feel in so much pain that I cry out in anguish. It really is torture.

I know it's not a normal feeling because I "feel" crazy when it suddenly comes on. It's like a bunch of anger, fear and depression wrapped into a mind bomb that explodes and I suddenly either freak out, cry or yell at others. I do limit myself on the yelling and do try to tone it down, but it's just so bad that I don't know how to deal with it.

But when it's over I look back and think...yeah that was a "crazy" episode I had, it wasn't really me.

I do tend to be really on edge when these attacks happen and tend to lash out/be angry at people who do anything/say anything to me. I'm getting better at just walking out of the room and not getting angry at the people in my house because they don't deserve that. so 19 out of 20 times I'll be very good at "controlling" myself and go to my room and have the episode there instead of in front of others.

It's just frustrating not being able to tell my family what mental disorder this is, so they have more sympathy on me instead of "shut up, get over it." :(

I'm just wondering what this is, and anyone relate?

I've been diagnosed with over 5 different mental illnesses, but can someone steer me in the direction what mental illness this might be so I can research more about it?

thank you.

(schizophrenia, manic episodes, depression, anxiety/panic attacks, OCD, learning disorders, anger management issues, hypochondria,)

I know they wanted to diagnose me as bipolar or have some personality disorder, I had enough symptoms to make them consider it, but not enough to diagnose in those categories.

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You've got a list of diagnoses already; how sure are you that if you add another one, it would change whether the people around you have sympathy? Sounds to me as if "get over it" is going to be their answer no matter what. So, how badly do you need to be around these people, again?

Could it be that you're exactly as you described: angry, fearful, and depressed, and it's just all coming out at once after being held in for a long time? That can't be a disorder, because its name would be too long. :-) Plus, it sounds comparatively normal to me, though perhaps you're being pushed to a point where the expression goes over the top.

Do you have access to any therapy, given the ongoing discomfort and the long list of diagnoses?

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no i'm not trying to add another one, I'm trying to figure out out of the illnesses I have which one it's coming from lol

and yes I need to be around the people because they're my family

xD

naw it's not a build up of any emotion, it's an extreme feeling/show of emotion that comes out of nowhere, it's not normal because I've felt all of those emotions normally and they don't feel the same as this type.....yeah I'm just not good at explain what exactly is going on in my mind because it's just not normal

well if I could figure out what exactly it is, explain it to them, at least I'll have done my part and it's up to them if they want to be understanding or not, but I just wanna try to see if it could help them understand.

Yeah I have therapy, :)

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I know people who've had to leave their families, or at least put some distance between themselves and certain family members ... though of course, that's also conditioned by your age and a lot of other variables.

"Normal", as a word, is overrated. I can see that you mean that these feelings are different, even compared to your personal everyday experiences.

I honestly don't know what the proper name for such outbursts would be, or what combination of issues would cause them directly. I would think that might be something that you could usefully discuss with your therapist? Have you tried to describe these episodes to them, particularly how disruptive the episodes are to your life?

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Oh yeah, well I would try to move out, but it's not much of an option right now unless I want to be homeless xD and I do prefer to live in a house.lol I'm not able to get a full time job at the moment, so I can't really pay for myself and become independent yet.

yeah true, normal is overrated :P

yes I'll talk to him about this next time I go, he'll probably tell me what's causing it, I was just trying to see if anyone else knew what this might be before I go in next week.

googling hasn't helped much with this. :/

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