vaginal agenesis.

[dvnJ22]

I saw on TLC's strange sex about a married woman with vaginal agenesis - which means she can't have intercourse. I asked myself if I would stay with a woman with that condition.after thinking about I honestly would. So if I feel this way can't there be woman out there like me? Who feels this way about men? Not that we can't have intercourse, but having to make and adjustment due to someone else's body.

One thing that bothers me and I think mention it before - but I don't believe in sex before marriage, I feel that if I date a girl and after awhile I should probably tell her my insecurity. But then again how long do I wait? And it will be really awkward, I would have to be dating her for at least a couple months to where I feel I talk about anything with her and vice a versa. If I don't say anything then i run the risk of getting married I won't be able to satisfy her.

So I think s its clear in my mind I should say something - how in the world do I do that? And if she breaks up with over this how do I cope mentally with that? I've know women in my congregation that have married guys who are really fat and like orca fat. And have married disabled guys. So I do think I have a chance, when I'm ready I want it find the most compassionate and loving woman. I think that a good fit. I know a lot my age to that are like that.

[malign]

If she breaks up with you because she can't handle how you feel, how badly would you have wanted to spend the rest of your life with her?

To me, the only issue with waiting until marriage to have sex is if it makes you hurry the marriage. If that's what you want, and you find a girl who wants the same, take as much time as you need.

And that means talking to her about anything that might ever come up between you before you walk down the aisle. Yes, it's possible that you'll find out things that hurt you. But trust me: married, you'll find out about each other anyway, including most likely things about yourself even you didn't know.

Don't wait until neither of you can get away easily.

Disclaimer: this is the opinion of a divorced guy.

[Jessie]

i brought up my size issue with a girl prior to trying to start a relationship.

Didnt work for me, but might for others.

There is a sexpert who openly advocates guys doing this so girls can prepare themselves emotionally for the disappointment.

I think its a high risk strategy but I suppose its the ethical thing to do.... just pretty difficult...

[dvnJ22]

Sexpert stuff is crap. How any can be a sexpert doesn't make sense to me. Are they hooker or a point star either way its a scam. However if a girl marries after I tell her, then I'd feel good knowing that I let her and it doesn't bother her. But not telling her, and her finding after marriage.... Then it can go 50/50 either way.

A marriage or a relationship ending becuase of my small penis is my biggest nightmare. It would be a major blow to me and I don't know if I can recover. A rekationship ending becuase of any of the things I feel insecure about not just my penis is enough to send me off the edge.

Thats why I've asked myself many times if I can be happy as a virgin for life. Ideally I thinks it's the best lifestyle, but the social stigma is really bad. The soical stigma of being single and not a virgin is bad enough. I'm not saying this becuase of small penis I but more or less becuase of my mential health.

Societies' obsession with sex has made me so insecure not just about my penis but a lot of things. It's like the norm for sex to the meaning and the end all best all of life.

There's a lot of guys who can just say eff it. But I can't.

[malign]

Dvn, there seems to me to be a contradiction in your thinking: on one hand, you feel that it's society's definition of normal for sex to be the meaning of life, but then you also find a social stigma to being single and not a virgin. Those sound like two different societies, to me ...

And in the end, it's neither society's business, just yours.

And I can understand why it would seem to be devastating to be rejected for any of one's insecurities. But really, that's why they say you have to love yourself first: because relating to others always carries the risk that they might reject us. Yet, in the end, that's just one person's opinion, and we survive it.

[dvnJ22]

I'm very afraid of what people think of me. I really don't know how to change my thinking.

[malign]

What do you think of you, dvn? It's my opinion that that's the place to start.

[dvnJ22]

Well I think I'm fine, but I'm afraid of people thinking I'm a loser.

[IrmaJean]

Well I think I'm fine

It has helped me to remind myself that we're all human. Others likely aren't focused on judging me; they are thinking about their own stuff. Maybe it would be helpful to you to build your confidence some through experience? What do you think?

Edited July 30, 2013 by IrmaJean
wording/adding a thought

[malign]

Well, it's worth exploring what would happen if someone thought you were a loser.

I've had people think that about me (I've had them say it, actually, which is how I know. And I won't even talk about what my ex would call me.) The thing is, someone who would bother to judge someone else in that way ... is valuable to you how, exactly?

Do you go around thinking other people are losers? I doubt it.

See, my opinion is that there are always going to be some people who don't like me, and of course they're going to say that that's my fault. But it's only their opinion that it's my fault. So, I don't feel responsible for their reaction; I think it just means they don't know me well enough (or they might be incapable of appreciating me; still not my fault.) It seems to me that when you say you're afraid that "people" will think you're a loser, you mean objective people you respect. But would you really respect people who thought about others in that way? So maybe "judgmental people whose opinion you respect" is actually a non-existent group ...

And if they exist, how does their opinion harm you? Through the respect you give it; in other words, it's still your choice.