nothing new

[nathan]

My gf has turned on me. One day she's happy, fun, and comforting, the next she's draining the life out of me, talking about leaving me. Feeling like a bag of shit. I should have seen this coming. Of course, this happens when I'm done training for awhile and I am on break. I've become qualified as a soldier in the army. It took almost a year of endless training to get here. And when I finished I expected some great feeling of accomplishment, and relief, but yet I felt depressed, and unsatisfied the day my infantry course ended. I felt like I didn't do as well as I should have, I felt like I didn't make any real friends. I felt alone. They kept us awake for 5 days at a time, it was cold, and then hot, physically, and mentally exhausting. I started hallucinating from the sleep dep regularly. and seeing patterns across my vision. I expected to be happier to have finished. Now I am loosing my gf too. For some reason I am full of anxiety now. I am sick of being socially awkward, and being accused of being 'quiet'. Like wtf, I don't understand why or how people throw out this accusation at me so easily and quickly. I think I am going to start calling people I don't like 'quiet'. Just to see how they react. I need drugs to break through my fucking personality, but I get drug tested randomly. My gf says I lack preferences and needs and wants or something, like I am too laid back and blank minded. But I am not a doormat I just really am laid back, after being on army courses for the past year, civi life seems very relaxed and full of comforts and I really am enjoy being able to lay back and let my mind wonder. That being said I am not relaxed at all right now, I am tense, and all worked up....But obviously I wish I had more personality, I wish I could just use my character to taker her a long interesting adventures and take her places she's never been before. Wish I was a good story teller. Wish I was happy and could make people around me happy, but instead I am always too quiet, too in my head, too aloof, too angry, too big and tall, too lost. I don't know what to do.

[malign]

I like the title: "nothing new". Yet, I don't think you had told us about having a girlfriend, much less how it was going.

You know, it can be difficult to see this way, but relationships are mutual. She can say you're too quiet for her, but that might mean that she's too 'loud' (or whatever the opposite of her "quiet" is) for you. Maybe "too <anything>" is relative, and needs to always be followed by "for <the given person>". You may be "just perfect" for the next person in your life; you won't know until you find them.

Not every relationship is meant to last forever. At least you're aware that a girlfriend is possible, even for someone who's quiet. Maybe there are some girls out there who will even like that about you ...

[nathan]

Well hell I don't know, she loves me.

[malign]

Then maybe you don't have to change at all.

Or, if you're saying "she loves me but still wants me to change", you have to decide whether to change or find someone else.

So what it really comes down to now is, do you love her?

If you do, it doesn't guarantee that the relationship will work out, but it does make it more likely.