losing the fight

[blackcloud]

This is my first post here. I've tried being strong and resisting but 2 weeks with constant fear and hardly any sleep has forced me to seek help.

I just feel like giving up, as though whatever I try, whatever I do I cannot win and life seems to shaft me constantly day after day.

I work part time cleaning toilets which feels degrading, this job was only a stop gap until I completed my electrics course, however, I recently found out that the course was bogus and I have been conned out of £6000 with no way of getting the money back (its very complicated),worst part is I had a loan for it so I'm still repaying the money. so I'm left with no career and still cleaning toilets at 25. Due to me being in debt I cannot afford another course, so I'm stuck in this dead end job.

I still live with parents who seem depressed a lot, I haven't had a relationship in 6 years and can't talk to people because my anxiety, I have issues with my appearance. I'm going bald. Tried using minoxidil for my hair and its left me looking old and rough and done nothing positive.

My friends use me all the time and get what they want when they want.

This is not that important, the problem is that all these issues have impacted my mental state so much that I am a nervous wreck every day and have terrible nightmares, only get 3 hours of sleep, and harvest thoughts that people are trying to kill me.

Our neighbours moved out 2 years ago and since then next door has been left abandoned, which has attracted drug addicts and the like. Last night they were around there and I had to lie in bed knowing they were right outside my window. I darent confront the$ because I can't confront anybody anymore. I used to be strong, now I'm so weak.

Sorry if this is all over the place, I just need help.

[IrmaJean]

Welcome to the community, BC. I'm sorry you are feeling so much stress and anxiety.

All of us struggle at times in our lives. It's good to reach out for help and get extra support when you need to. I'm glad that you did.

Anxiety can be difficult to cope with. I have it too sometimes, though much less now than I have in the past. Things can change for the better. Do any activities relax you, such as deep breathing, meditation, or exercise? It helps me feel calm and balanced when I take moments during the day for just myself. I also have found that once I feel more capable of handling different situations, my overall feelings of anxiety have lessened. It also helps to remind myself that every person I interact with is human too and they may also feel insecure at times. So they likely aren't judging me. One place to begin is to practice awareness of your feelings and your self-talk. How do you feel about yourself? How are you treating yourself?

Was the school you took the course in not accredited? I'm not sure what happened, but if anything illegal took place have you considered reporting it? Would it be possible to call the police about the people who are next door?

Take care, and express as much as you need.