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infrared_radiation
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IRR, the problem isn't whether anyone else is listening. I am, at least.

The problem is that you seem to feel like stuff is going to be solved for you. You know you need help, now you have to ask for it, from someone who can give it to you. You're obviously suffering, but you're also in a groove where you're refusing to try to help yourself.

And thank you for realizing how inappropriate violence is, both here on the forum and out in the world. War has never solved anything; it just makes more people dead.

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You don't mind "medicating" yourself with alcohol, but you're not interested in finding out whether doctors can give you any real relief from these thoughts.

They can relieve obsessions far better than alcohol can.

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You've never taken any medication?

Medication wouldn't change your opinions. But it might reduce the intensity to a level where you don't spend all your time worrying about organs or whatever, when you and all the doctors know there isn't anything wrong with them.

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What do you think tormenting yourself like this does to your organs?

Oh, and killing yourself won't damage your liver ...

Maybe life is like that, for you at the moment. You don't have any information about what life might be, because you refuse to go find out.

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I don't know. I honestly don't have a clue.

What I do think is that I don't think there's much worth living for. There is NOTHING enjoyable in life except alcohol

Orgasms are MUCH, MUCH, MUCH, MUCH less enjoyable than alcohol

But I'm not doing alcohol anymore, so now that I'm not doing that anymore, there is nothing worth living for

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Am I a glass half full, or a glass half empty type of person?

Well let's see, am I a glass half full person?

HELL TO THE POWER OF NO!

I am definitely a glass half empty type of person.

That means, rather than focusing on anything that I do have that's positive, I tend to overlook that, take it for granted and focus on all the negatives and the things I don't have.

I would rather, for example, be a small skinny guy with a small penis than be myself. That's how much I hate myself and my circumstances.

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