HELP

[infrared_radiation]

I posted some stuff in this thread, please delete any threats of violence

But I need serious help to change my attitudes

[infrared_radiation]

I need serious, serious help and NO ONE is listening, NO ONE is listening any more because I just repeat the same things over and over and over again

[Guest]

I will listen if you want to message me... I will listen over and over again

[malign]

IRR, the problem isn't whether anyone else is listening. I am, at least.

The problem is that you seem to feel like stuff is going to be solved for you. You know you need help, now you have to ask for it, from someone who can give it to you. You're obviously suffering, but you're also in a groove where you're refusing to try to help yourself.

And thank you for realizing how inappropriate violence is, both here on the forum and out in the world. War has never solved anything; it just makes more people dead.

[anouarpac]

be happy life's too short my freind

[infrared_radiation]

The desire to <removed> because of forced BIOLOGICAL GENOCIDAL SEXUAL HUMILIATION is overwhelming

Give me alcohol NOW TO NUMB MY FUCKING BRAIN

Edited November 7, 2013 by malign
Removed

[malign]

You don't mind "medicating" yourself with alcohol, but you're not interested in finding out whether doctors can give you any real relief from these thoughts.

They can relieve obsessions far better than alcohol can.

[infrared_radiation]

I'm not going to actually use violence, because if I did the consequences would be dire.

However I am quite often very, very angry.

And what would a doctor do? Prescribe some kind of medication?

That's one thing I have never, ever done.

[malign]

You've never taken any medication?

Medication wouldn't change your opinions. But it might reduce the intensity to a level where you don't spend all your time worrying about organs or whatever, when you and all the doctors know there isn't anything wrong with them.

[infrared_radiation]

I've heard that prescription medication can actually do damage to your liver etc?

I am in an absolute stinker of a mood tonight.

Not only am I wishing I was dead, I wish I could kill other people as well.

I am thinking, life is NOTHING BUT STRESS, NONSENSE, AND WORRY, AND PAIN, AND DEPRESSION. THAT IS ALL LIFE IS

[malign]

What do you think tormenting yourself like this does to your organs?

Oh, and killing yourself won't damage your liver ...

Maybe life is like that, for you at the moment. You don't have any information about what life might be, because you refuse to go find out.

[infrared_radiation]

What do you think tormenting yourself like this does to your organs?

Nothing? What does it do?

[malign]

You think stress, at this intensity, doesn't hurt the body?

{I'm not going to feed your hypochondria with specifics. Suffice it to say, stress is bad for you.}

Not to mention the harm suicide will do you.

[infrared_radiation]

I don't know. I honestly don't have a clue.

What I do think is that I don't think there's much worth living for. There is NOTHING enjoyable in life except alcohol

Orgasms are MUCH, MUCH, MUCH, MUCH less enjoyable than alcohol

But I'm not doing alcohol anymore, so now that I'm not doing that anymore, there is nothing worth living for

[infrared_radiation]

I THINK ABOUT THE YEARS THAT I SPENT, JUST DRINKING ALONE IN MY ROOM, IN FRONT OF MY COMPUTER, EVERY NIGHT FOR MONTHS ON END

I DID IT TO GET AWAY FROM THE SHITNESS OF LIFE

BECAUSE LIFE IS TOTAL SHIT!!!

[infrared_radiation]

I am in a really bad mood tonight, but the awful thing is that these really bad moods happen SO FREQUENTLY

At least once a week... possibly several times a week, I don't count.

[infrared_radiation]

I tried to make myself cry, not sure if I'm too dehydrated to make myself cry or whether I'm just not really crying properly

I'm not even 27 yet, but I feel mentally and physically worn out in every way, every day

[infrared_radiation]

I would go and commit suicide tomorrow.

Only problem is, I'm too much of a coward.

That's the reason why I will NEVER commit suicide, or for that matter kill people: because I'm too much of a coward. Can't face the prospect of permanent, irreversible change.

[infrared_radiation]

One other thing I would say...

I wish I could turn back time.

I wish I was 19 again.

[infrared_radiation]

Am I a glass half full, or a glass half empty type of person?

Well let's see, am I a glass half full person?

HELL TO THE POWER OF NO!

I am definitely a glass half empty type of person.

That means, rather than focusing on anything that I do have that's positive, I tend to overlook that, take it for granted and focus on all the negatives and the things I don't have.

I would rather, for example, be a small skinny guy with a small penis than be myself. That's how much I hate myself and my circumstances.

[infrared_radiation]

There is an entire phamaceutical industry that makes mega bucks off of "anti-depressants" and things like that, by making people become dependent on them.

Is it really worth becoming dependent on some shit like that?

[IrmaJean]

IRR, what can you do to proactively create positive change in your life?

[infrared_radiation]

I posted new updates

[infrared_radiation]

I posted new updates again in that thread

[infrared_radiation]

I posted new updates again, is anyone listening