How important is sex to a marriage?

[human111]

length is not my problem so i can't say much about this.

[JaiJai]

?...

[human111]

whatever

[human111]

i just don't know how to respond to all of that

[Jessie]

Whilst I would agree that some of us are overly pessimistic about the effect of our smaller than average units I think its evidently wrong to suggest its a predominately mental issue.

The majority of women WILL reject small penises.

Im sorry but there it is- surveys, clips, articles, studies, personal experience all bear that out.

One person winning the lottery does not mean we can all win the lottery next week or even during the next decade.

Whilst you cannot extrapolate from one guys disasters, equally you cannot do so from one guys success either.

The truth is SOME women can overlook it. They are a minority but they certainly exist.

Of course, if you find them, the size can still cause issues- they may become dissatisfied, you may 'act out' due to your inability to satisfy, she may find the strain of having to be tactful about size exhausting, she may simply leave you for a more satisfying guy.

Truth is, being small effects many aspects of life and its inevitable thats going to cause a major mental burden.

To say that size is of no consequence to how girls, peers or society view us is simply a lie.

So its a combo- size effects physically and mentally- and being small is a very painful handicap- certainly comparable with facial disfigurement.

Lastly to suggest that if I wasnt small I would obsess about something else- nonsense!

Prior to being dumped over size I was very confident.

I have various other imperfections that dont really bother me- size bothers me because its destroyed my relationships- it was too important an issue for the perfectly decent women in my life to overcome.

[JaiJai]

?..............

[Wastedlife]

[large nose, inability to be wrong, body odor, obnoxious laugh, shitty job, lack of ambition, height, intrusive family, critisism of her(insert here)...etc etc...

See this is exactly the point all these things you mentioned here can be improved or altered, but you can never do anything about this shittty small penis.

[Perseverance]

JaiJai,

My problem is when I'm single, I could care less about my penis size. I mean it's on my mind but never do i mentally spiral out of control. I've been in relationships since I was 16 so I never really had much time "picking up girls" but for a short time maybe 6 months I fucked around and I COULD NOT BELEIVE how easy it was to get laid. Not only that but my penis size was never an issue. I can recall a girl saying how lucky she was to have slept with me. I almost died laughing. Well maybe not lucky but it was something like that. None the less I was confused. I'm by no means ugly. Some girls have said I'm hot others think I'm weird looking. So anyways, I spend a short time trying to fuck girls mainly because I was trying to forget an ex and to see if I was accepted in the world all my friends seem to be living. This period was stress free. I fucked a few girls had some laughs and that was that. My penis size was never an issue. I'll never forget this chick who was all bummed out we didn't bang even though she blew my small wang. She knew what she was getting. But then I was laughing making jokes. I dunno fun guy... Attractive? The single life with my brain is way easier. But I do not like single life, banging a bunch of chicks to me isn't better than finding someone you can spend time and grow with. I enjoy having a gf a lot. That's where I get crazy. I fear not being the best. I fear her having had better piv intercourse with other men. It absolutely kills me. Like, it is killing me. I feel ashamed to be naked in front of her. I'm embarrassed to lay in be naked after sex, I turn over and hide myself. It's fucking terrible and I should understand that if anything a relationship is supposed to be the exact opposite. She's not going to judge me, hell, she says she loves me. I shouldn't have to worry much right? Love conquers all? Now take some random chick throw her in my bed now my mind is altered. I'd prob play with my dick in front of her and have a laugh. I dunno I know I'm nuts I just don't know how to manage this shit. I've been getting more depressed and I'm putting on weight now. I was at one point very happy. I just wanna get back there and that doesn't include being single.

When I read single dudes on here aren't meeting girls and fucking them I shake my head. Any comments I've received were from DUMB CUNTS. some girls are just fucking stupid and immature. Don't get me wrong some girls slip and say stupid shit.

I also get miserable when I'm not getting what I want. I just wanna eat pussy once a week and fuck more often. Schedules and distance killin the sex life now. I'm lying.... I wanna eat my gf's pussy everyday. :-/

Weekly rant over.

[malign]

Perse, in the situation you're talking about, where you start worrying precisely because the relationship starts to mean something to you, clearly the only change is in you. You have an image in your head of a relationship that's different from just messing around. Most people do, of course, but in your case, the image seems to exclude you, the person you are. Most of what we learn about relationships comes from the ones we observe growing up, and luckily, anything we learn we can unlearn or modify later, just by learning more.

Not just some girls, but some guys, are stupid and immature. That's humanity, and the only cure I know is to filter such people out of our lives. Not completely, of course, how could we; but out of being important to our lives. That leaves more room for the people who aren't stupid and immature.

[gone]

Perse, in the situation you're talking about, where you start worrying precisely because the relationship starts to mean something to you, clearly the only change is in you. You have an image in your head of a relationship that's different from just messing around. Most people do, of course, but in your case, the image seems to exclude you, the person you are. Most of what we learn about relationships comes from the ones we observe growing up, and luckily, anything we learn we can unlearn or modify later, just by learning more.

Not just some girls, but some guys, are stupid and immature. That's humanity, and the only cure I know is to filter such people out of our lives. Not completely, of course, how could we; but out of being important to our lives. That leaves more room for the people who aren't stupid and immature.

Malign, gotta disagree just a little. The only change isn't just you. The whole situation has changed. It's different women, different emotions, different expectations. By the ladies involved also, not just the guy.

The guy isn't the only thing different in a one night stand and a L.T.R. I think it's more complicated and involved than that.

Really, if a guy has the same emotions and feelings in a O.N.S. and a L.T.R I think that's where something's wrong. The two situations are completely different.

[malign]

Well, I was drawing a parallel between a one-night or a long term with the same woman. I agree that's not exactly the same.

Perse hasn't said that his girlfriend is the source of any of his worries, over and above the one-nighters, so I was excluding her contribution (which might not be zero, agreed) for the sake of making the point that most of what he's describing being different is different inside him: the emotions and expectations that he's noticing are largely his.

I didn't say there should be no change in the mental state; just to be aware of those changes and where they're coming from.

[gone]

JaiJai,

My problem is when I'm single, I could care less about my penis size. I mean it's on my mind but never do i mentally spiral out of control. I've been in relationships since I was 16 so I never really had much time "picking up girls" but for a short time maybe 6 months I fucked around and I COULD NOT BELEIVE how easy it was to get laid. Not only that but my penis size was never an issue. I can recall a girl saying how lucky she was to have slept with me. I almost died laughing. Well maybe not lucky but it was something like that. None the less I was confused. I'm by no means ugly. Some girls have said I'm hot others think I'm weird looking. So anyways, I spend a short time trying to fuck girls mainly because I was trying to forget an ex and to see if I was accepted in the world all my friends seem to be living. This period was stress free. I fucked a few girls had some laughs and that was that. My penis size was never an issue. I'll never forget this chick who was all bummed out we didn't bang even though she blew my small wang. She knew what she was getting. But then I was laughing making jokes. I dunno fun guy... Attractive? The single life with my brain is way easier. But I do not like single life, banging a bunch of chicks to me isn't better than finding someone you can spend time and grow with. I enjoy having a gf a lot. That's where I get crazy. I fear not being the best. I fear her having had better piv intercourse with other men. It absolutely kills me. Like, it is killing me. I feel ashamed to be naked in front of her. I'm embarrassed to lay in be naked after sex, I turn over and hide myself. It's fucking terrible and I should understand that if anything a relationship is supposed to be the exact opposite. She's not going to judge me, hell, she says she loves me. I shouldn't have to worry much right? Love conquers all? Now take some random chick throw her in my bed now my mind is altered. I'd prob play with my dick in front of her and have a laugh. I dunno I know I'm nuts I just don't know how to manage this shit. I've been getting more depressed and I'm putting on weight now. I was at one point very happy. I just wanna get back there and that doesn't include being single.

When I read single dudes on here aren't meeting girls and fucking them I shake my head. Any comments I've received were from DUMB CUNTS. some girls are just fucking stupid and immature. Don't get me wrong some girls slip and say stupid shit.

I also get miserable when I'm not getting what I want. I just wanna eat pussy once a week and fuck more often. Schedules and distance killin the sex life now. I'm lying.... I wanna eat my gf's pussy everyday. :-/

Weekly rant over.

I could have absolutely wrote this part. I know EXACTLY what you're going through. My wife hasn't seen me nude in years. I lock doors now, I didn't used to. When I had my heart attack 5 years ago I never allowed her to see me with the sheets off. I didn't ask for her help once during my recovery if it meant her seeing me unclothed. It's just too embarrassing now.

I can remember after we were first married we'd just made love on a summers afternoon. The window was open. You could hear a lawn mower in the distance along with the grasshoppers and bugs buzzing lazily in the background. I was laying on my back. She was curled up half on top of me drawing little circles and lines on my chest and belly that slowly meandered down to my.....everything is etched into my memory. The sounds. The smell of fresh cut grass. Her eyes studying me.

Want to know what makes my head ache? When I think about that now, I just get embarrassed. I don't look on it fondly, I just cringe.

[Jessie]

There is a certain logic to it.

i might be able to expose myself to a stranger.

But I could never be naked in front of people I care about or respect ie friends, therapist etc

I mean it would be inappropriate anyway!- Im just explaining its logical to be more apprehensive about being nervous with the one you love- because you don't want them to see your shameful secret.

[malign]

The logic vanishes if, to them, it's not a shameful secret. I do understand how, if you're ashamed of something, you're more ashamed the more the person who knows matters to you. But what if they don't see anything wrong with it? We return to the question of when is it hypochondria ...

And I hope you guys understand that I'm not in any way trivializing how bad you feel. I just want (and believe) there to be hope.

[Jessie]

BELOW IS A FEMALE SURVEY OF SIZE VIEWS- PLEASE SKIP IF THIS MAY UPSET

BONNIE: Talking of big boys, do you reckon a lad needs to to be packing a real punch in the trouser department to get your juices flowing?

JASMINE: In a word, yes. I know lot of lads reading this won’t want to hear that, but you’ve got to have at least seven inches to get me going. The best sex I’ve ever had was with this lad who had a nine-inch monster in his pants. When I took it out it nearly knocked me out. It was like a baby’s arm holding an apple! But I just couldn’t stop tugging on it and sucking it. When it was time to give him a ride, it took a while because it was so tight. But once it was in words can’t describe how much pleasure I felt.

BONNIE: Blimey! I’m getting wet just listening to you. My biggest was seven inches but I’ve always wanted to try a massive dong – you know, a real porn star-scale love truncheon.

----------

BECKY: What do you think about willy size? Does it make a difference do you think?

CHARLIE: Yeah, I think it is important. It feels better when it’s bigger. You can actually feel it when it’s at least a decent size. Small is just no good. I’m not saying he’s got to be a donkey dick – but at least average.

BECKY: Maybe you just have a slack old bucket minge?

CHARLIE: No way! Guys always tell me how tight I am. What do you think?

BECKY: Yeah, I’d say the same. I have had a really small one before and it was just really shit. Never again!

-------

JUSTINE: Do you think size matters?

LEANNE: Yes! I went out with an older man last summer and he had a massive willy. Everyone I have been with since has been rubbish in comparison!

JUSTINE: I don’t think it matters that much but it needs to be at least average. If it’s too small, it won’t touch the sides – ha ha.

-------

MALIGN

I have made the font small to avoid upsetting some posters

I too want to believe there is hope, but the girls above are from a uk survey in the past 2 months

Im close to micro AND Im deformed - there is a very little hope for me - a you can see from their comments.

I know not all are like these girls- I compute that- but I suspect that most girls do feel this way, inside, about small dicks, but are just a bit nicer about the issue- and that makes me die a little- every time I think about it..

[malign]

Also, I've read those exact quotes from you before. It's not how recent or even from where the survey comes, it's how often you read it and agree.

And after all, what really matters isn't what they think, but what you believe they think.

[Jessie]

one might be old, but the other 2 are new- the source is a uk tabloid newspaper site updated every 2 weeks.

Alas what I beleive they think, and what they actually think, are one and the same- THATS the source of the hurt.

[human111]

...

[u.r.what.u.is]

Since you deleted your post, human, I have deleted my quote and reply...

[u.r.what.u.is]

Im close to micro AND Im deformed

What do you mean by "deformed"? Is it a matter of shape, function, or both? If you posted about this before, please point me to the thread.

[human111]

You're probably fine.

[JaiJai]

?.........

[Jeep]

.

[Perseverance]

As much as I want to think I'm in control of my thinking I know I'm not. I definitely have fucked up thought patterns. I obsess over this and obsessing over anything is unhealthy. I just feel trapped. I want to know in the best she's ever had so I can be set free from all of this. I've been told to accept my size. Fine, I can do that. But does accepting it also come with accepting my size won't please her most she's ever been. I can't accept that and is that what accepting your size means?. This has to be some ancient cave man DNA dictating my level of thinking. It feels so primitive. Competiting at this level when there are so many more important issues.

I've had very brief periods of my life where I've felt free from all this bullshit. What a feeling!!. But that was a long time ago.

I feel like If I find out I'm not the best I'm going to half ass everything I do in life without much enthusiasm. Not enjoyin my hardwiring at the moment.

[malign]

"Accepting your size" means accepting that you could be her "best", even if you're not her biggest. It's that simple.

It all hinges around your definition of what "best" means, or what it means to "please her most". And her still being with you suggests that she thinks you're her idea of "best".