Not doing well tonight.

[ThePetPerson]

It's funny that I'm posting here considering I'm in hospital but when a patient absconds and returns drunk, there are no staff for support.

I've just spent 8 months in hospital, I won't be spending 8 months here too so I'm trying to stay well and keep safe but tonight it's easier said than done.

After binging on chocolate and crisps, I spent half an hour with my head down the toilet. I have torn my eusophagus. Again. I won't be eating again because I can't keep this up. I'm 5'7" and went into hospital at 7 stone, came here at 11 stone. I never really spoke here about having an ED but hey guys, I've had bulimia for a few years.

Struggling majorly not to self harm. I've been left with a bottle of nail varnish. Bad idea. So tempted. I shouldn't. I can't. I won't. I might. I will. Will I? I hope not.

I'll go too far. I don't want this life anymore. Do I want recovery or death? I want recovery, but death is so much easier to reach.

Now to find a nurse.

[IrmaJean]

I'm sorry you're struggling, O.

Did anything happen recently that may have set you off? I hope you were able to find a nurse. Thank you for taking steps to keep safe.

[malign]

What I usually hear when people talk to me about suicide is precisely what you said: "I don't want this life any more." Not life, this life. And usually at that time, it seems to them like this life is the only one. But being able to say this life instead of life, you can begin to engage yourself in identifying what parts of this life you'd want to change. We usually magnify the things that are bothering us so much that we neglect all the parts of life that don't need changing. Quite often, there are really only one or two problems, though they may be quite complex and pervasive. But what you've accomplished is a shift in point of view, from underdog to someone with a plan.

I'm sorry you're struggling, Livvy. Death is always easier to reach. It's life that needs us to embrace it.

[ThePetPerson]

I've been doing so well up to now. So, so well. Everything is looking up. But I'm looking down. I can feel myself falling down that pit of despair.

[IrmaJean]

Self-awareness can be very helpful. You are aware of the warning signs. If you can take steps to help yourself now perhaps you can prevent your condition from worsening. Can you reach out to a nurse there or talk with someone?

[SweetSue]

Hi,

I remember being in hospital myself for long - ok maybe way too long periods of time. Some days were easier than others, but all bought about a new set of moments to try and cope with, not easy when yer barely coping with whats going on for you personally, let alone the environment of actually being in hospital, with others problems affecting yer own.

Try stay strong and remind yourself that you can, and will get through this, hopefully coming through the other side a stronger person with new coping skills to help see you through to happier times.

Coz although it may not feel to you that things could ever get better - they can, and eventually do

Stay strong Pet Person, you can get through these times hun, seriously. And know that your friends here are thinking of you and hoping that you feel better soon

Take care