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Sibling Problems


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Hello everyone.

Usually I post in the S.P.S. forum, but this problem I'm experiencing has nothing to do with that.

I've grown to appreciate the opinions and even temperedness of some of the folks here.

I need to give a bit of background, I'll keep it short. I don't use street terms and I'm not going to get graphic.

I have 5 sisters, all younger than me. I'm now 57 years old, all of us were born within a 10 year span. We lived in an older farm house. This house only had one bathroom. With 6 kids, 3 or 4 of us trying to get ready for school at the same time there wasn't a whole lot of privacy for me especially. I learned early the shower curtain was as good as a wall.

I'll be honest, my sisters glimpsing me in the nude wasn't rare at all. It was a common occurrence. I wasn't bothered by this. I didn't feel any attraction to them at all. It was like they were honorary boys. I tried to give them more privacy. I knew even back then girls needed more alone time in the bathroom than I did.

We've always had a great relationship. We're all close, but Sister#2 was always a bit of a tomboy. She rode bikes with me, we climbed trees, played 'war' all that kind of thing. As brother and sister we've always been best friends.

OK, enough back ground. I'll answer any questions anyone has on this.

Last Saturday (12/7) we had a small family get together. Not everyone was there. Three of the sisters were there. They'd had a couple wine coolers, we were all telling stories and reminiscing about when we were kids. Sis #2 wasn't there.

It came up that at least the older three girls, and especially #2 had 'peeped', watched me in my bedroom through a closet that both bedrooms shared through a common wall. I guess the way the angles were set up they had a clear view of my bed. It was also laughed about that two older female relatives had watched me through the closet also.

Ok, I thought I had total privacy in my bedroom. Of course I was doing things every young boy that was past puberty does, usually on his bed. Use your imagination.

I thought I had a much closer relationship with all of them than this. I honestly tried to answer any questions they had about boys, even questions they didn't ask mom or dad. I guess the way they talked #2 was responsible for about 99% of the watching over 2 or 3 years. I thought I had a good relationship with her, even when young. It embarrasses be more than a little now to know we were riding bikes and doing things together while she was peeping on me.

I've been trying to get a handle on how I feel about this. I don't even know how to feel about this. I'm madder than hell at the two older cousins. They knew better.

I'm having a hard time sorting my feelings out about my sisters though. This seems like an extreme breach of privacy. I don't know why they did this, especially #2 so many times.

As adults they honestly acted like this was no big deal. Just curious kids being kids. I dunno, maybe it wasn't a big deal? Maybe it was back then but it's not now? Maybe this was and will always be a big deal? It's not like I was being molested by someone older than me.

I just don't know what to think.

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Thanks Victim. I can't make a snap judgment on this. Too many different things to consider. We were all just young kids, you know? I was only 12. My oldest sis was 11, #2 about 10. Can a 10 year old be held accountable? She was old enough to set a small 3 step ladder up to peer over a dividing wall, but I don't think there was malice there. But she was old enough to be interested enough in what she saw to do this over and over.

I just go back and forth on this.

My cousins were 13 and 15 respectively. I'm way past annoyed with them. I can't help but to think their interest was more adult than a 10 year olds.

This was either a secret large enough that three of them didn't never let on a bit all these years, or it was such a small happening in their youth that they just didn't give it any thought. I don't know how females think, let alone young girls. I just don't know how big a deal this would have been. Gigantic secret? Or something so insignificant it's barely remembered?

I really don't want to ruin 50+ years of good relationships. But they weren't the honest....I dunno...open? relationships I thought I had with them.

Back and forth, back and forth, back and forth.

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John, to me the difficulty with every pairwise relationship between people is that there are always at least two sides, both of them valid to the person who feels them. Here there are dozens of pairs ...

But, from your point of view, if you feel violated, you were violated. That's not a conditional thing. It's probably accentuated by the fact that you wouldn't have done the same to them; in fact, you seem to have been a very chivalrous young man (which I see to be a good thing.) One thing I would point out is that this behavior at least didn't seem to be about bullying or embarrassing you: you didn't even know it happened until they told you. At that point, they could easily have kept it to themselves, so I would assume they were speaking up from their own mild guilt feelings rather than an attempt to hurt you now. I'll leave aside the philosophical question of whether it would have been better for them to say nothing ...

As for their side ... for your cousins, their interest was clearly "more adult than a 10 year old's", but also less adult than an adult's. It probably was a thrill, a secret, but probably not their first view of a boy (I even wonder whether the cousins didn't think of the idea first, or maybe even use it on their brothers.) For your sisters, similarly, except they were just children. Although they knew that what they were doing was wrong (from the simple fact that they wouldn't want anyone doing the same to them; "do unto others" at least has that simplicity, that it's hard to say you don't know what "wrong" is), or maybe because they knew, they didn't use it against you in the cruel ways that children often do.

Sister #2 seems a special case, but it's not clear of what. For one thing, you only have other people's word for her doing it more often; that's always worth questioning. But assuming she was more persistent, only she can tell you why. She wouldn't have known much about sex or the boy/girl differences yet; it might have been more fascinating to her than the others; but again, she never seems to have tried to use what she saw against you.

It's not like anyone else can tell you what you "should" do, now. I've known people whose families essentially broke (not broke up, exactly, but perhaps worse, took sides) because two of the children were caught playing doctor, and at least there, the two children had agreed to play. No one asked your permission here. So in a way it makes sense that now only your opinion matters. The relationships with your sisters were not what you thought they were; you just have to decide if they were enough ...

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Thanks everyone for your replies. You've given me more to think about with this.

Right now I'm leaning towards having a chat with Sis#2. I'm trying to sort through some feelings in a total vacuum of information. I think how I feel about this will differ greatly with finding out if the 53 or 54 year old sis can tell me why the 10 year old sis was so fixated with watching me.

It might make a difference. It might not at all.

Thanks again.....

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It would be interesting to find out if she knows ... We all "grow up" at different rates, and we're not necessarily done by age 20, or age 50.

I know you were the one wronged here, but I hope you can approach her with some charity. Her different behavior, assuming it was reported accurately, implies that it meant something different to her, and there's no way to know how she would react to a direct confrontation. In particular, she might refuse to admit anything. She wasn't among those who chose to confess, after all.

And all that isn't meant to discourage you from asking; I think openness is best in the long run. I'm just saying that you might not get what you want in the short run ... (well, or ever, for that matter, but we've got to try.)

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Yeah, I called her and told her I wanted to get together for a talk. She said "yeah I figured you'd want to." She didn't sound angry or confrontational or anything.

Just one thing though Malign. This wasn't really a confession in the classical sense. They were in a kinda happy, sharing old stories and laughing mood. I don't remember how we got on the subject of the 'relaxed' modesty of the shared bathroom. One of my brother in laws told about how he caught his sister hiding in a closet in the bathroom spying on him. Another piped up with how his older sister had hid in his bedroom trying to see him doing the same thing I was. I guess this just segwayed into the observation story.

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  • 1 month later...

RetroJohn:

I know EXACTLY how you feel.

I'm livin' the dream (nightnare).

I'm 18 and still at home with 4 (count-em) four sisters.

3 older, 1 younger. I also have 2 brothers. This means 9 people in a 4 bedroom house.

Read as: NO PRIVACY

The older one is just 12 1/2 months older than I am.

We were both infants together, so our folks would bath us together up to about age 4me/5her

No big deal, we were just little kids.

However, after my age 4 and up to age around 7 or so my 2 older sisters would be the ones actually bathing me.

I can remember these years clearly.

They would both tease me about my little penis. I hated it. I told them to stop.

It never happened.

So now I'm 18 and all through puberty all 4 sisters would tease me about my little penis.

If you have 4 sisters, then you have all 4 sisters friends teasing you.

Middle School, High School...It was hell.

I'm to be moving to college soon. As least I'll find some respite there? Maybe????

I know all of the posters here from the Small Penis Support Group.

So not only do I have to deal with this whole privacy issue and teasing, I still have the core problem of a small penis.

Is not this the definition of a "Viscious Circle"???

I sincerely hope other females have read your post retrOjohn.

I also hope they go to the SPS group to read our posts.

It may be an eye-opener to females that males also suffer terribly from body issues that we have no control over.

Have a good night and a pleasant tomorrow!

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Thanks for your reply Louis. No we were way too young for any teasing, and I didn't know they were even watching when we were all younger. It's odd, but even the two older cousins never said anything. I guess they didn't want to end a 'good' thing. My sisters and I had our spats, sure. But didn't really have any deep down family splitting disagreements. As dumb as it sounds we're still pretty close.

omg you were kids. how is it possible a 50 year old adult cant just rationalize that kids do stupid stuff, and move on? Why do you need answers? You werent traumatized, you didnt know about it. She watched you jerking off...it probably turned her on. Was there something better to watch? What is it you want to know exactly? Talk about opening a can worms...feeling the need for some drama, John? Maybe you should direct your attention to what that's all about.

I really don't know how turned on a 10 year old can get. Curious maybe, but sexually turned on? Anyway, I'm more informed now. I've already talked to her weeks ago. We talked for two hours or so. I'm much more informed about what this one 10 year old was thinking anyway.

Just because one party didn't know they were the evenings sex entertainment doesn't make the whole thing ok. I never spied on them, but if I had drilled a hole in the wall and watched them while they thought they had complete privacy I don't think they'd just shrug it off, laugh and say well boys will be boys. I think they'd want to talk to me about it too.

I believe there's been boys that have gotten into a lot of trouble peeping through walls into girls locker rooms at various schools. I'd point out these girls were just showering and changing, not laying on a bed. Again, the adults didn't laugh and say well, they're just kids....it's ok.

If I tell myself Oh it's ok, there was nothing better for her to watch THAT makes it ok? That really was kind of a dumb thing for you to say.

I'm not looking for drama with my sisters, I'm getting plenty of drama with my wife and relationship right now.

I honestly thought this thread had run it's course. I'm not sorry I posted at all, but it's a shame it seems to have pushed your hot button. Calm down, drink a cold beer and chill out. You can concentrate on whom you're going to try to piss off next.

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I'll clean up what she said a little, I don't need the FBI knocking at my door. You might remember I said we were a little closer than the rest of the kids.

Of course she said she was curious about what I was doing and how my body responded. She also said the two older cousins explained what was happening. She wasn't hot and bothered, she didn't want to rip her own clothes off and immediately start touching herself.

She just said it was obvious how much pleasure this was giving me. She said she really wished she could be a part of this thing that had me enjoying myself so much. She admitted she was fascinated with the changes my body went through, and wished it would happen when I was getting in or out of the shower. She said watching got a little old after a few times, but the expressions on my face showed how important this was.

She also said she tried to think of a way to be closer or actually help. She said I was dense and oblivious to the times we were riding bikes or walking trails when she tried to 'start' something. I guess the cousins had told her of a few ways older girls got a guy thinking in that direction. She said I never paid any attention.

I could have told her that. My sisters weren't girls, I didn't think sexually at all about them. They were just odd looking guys to my libido.

That's it in a nutshell. I still don't like the idea of an audience, it's not something I'd have done in front of them even if they'd asked. But at least I know why now. She just wanted to help me feel good. If this had been a back rub she'd probably have wanted to help with that.

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