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why a man goes silent?


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i've heard something about men's silence. that sometimes they need to be silent and the more you insist on making him talk, the more he retreats.

more than a month ago i just texted my friend and complained about that he is not paying enough attention to me. since then he didn't talk to me even a word. i cannot understand him, i begged him alot to talk and tell me what happend and whether it is related to me or not. but he kept silent. it's now more than a month but he still doesn't want to talk. NOT EVEN A WORD!!!!! it realy bothers me and i don't know what to di about it. how can i make him talk. i'm tierd of guessing what happend and whether he will be back or it's over!! i don't know how long i should wait. please give me some advise and tell me wha to do.

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i've heard something about men's silence. that sometimes they need to be silent and the more you insist on making him talk, the more he retreats.

This dynamic, to me, seems more about a difference in attachment styles than gender. In our earliest relationships with caregivers we learn how to most adequately get our needs met. Inadequate or inconsistent responses from our caregivers may play a role in our subsequent style of attachment and these learned attachment behaviors can repeat themselves in our adult relationships. Some people may have a high need for intimacy and closeness while others may need more space and time alone. I can't say what might be happening with your personal relationship, though, or if any of this may apply or not.

it realy bothers me and i don't know what to di about it. how can i make him talk.

I hear you that it feels frustrating and hard, especially if you don't know why he stopped talking, but there really is no way you can make him talk to you. And would you really want to, even if you could? If it is really distressing you, you might try to reach out to him one more time, though I would recommend not being accusatory in any way. Perhaps express your concern that you have not heard from him in a while and ask if he is okay? If he still does not respond, it may be time to let him go and move on.

I'm sorry this is frustrating and painful for you. :( How can you take care of your needs during this time? I hope you can be compassionate and gentle with yourself.

Take care.

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thanks for all the answers.

i think he is dealing with another problem that he dosen't like to talk about it with me and my insisting made him frustrated. i need to talk to him and tell him that "i respect his silence and will wait for him to be back. and just if our relationship is over let me know that". but i don't know if it is a good idea and i don't know how to tell this that dosen't push him back more that now. what should i do? :(

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One thought is that if you have to say something to him to show that you respect his silence, then you really aren't respecting it.

Sometimes we don't get to know if a relationship is over, but then the old saying about "if you love someone, let them go" applies. If you don't let them go, they'll end up pulling away by force, which hurts even more, and may be more permanent.

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I hear your uncertainty, patient, and I understand this can be difficult. I'm sorry you are feeling distressed. :(

I can't say what might be best as to whether you should contact him or not, but ultimately you can't control his choices. In the meantime, I hope you can focus on yourself and your needs at this time.

Edited by IrmaJean
rewording
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