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Confused and need direction


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Hey all

I am new to this site. I will start by saying i am 28, and i have some issues like im sure everyone here. I am just looking for a little input. I will start by saying that i have a few personality problems that cause me termoil in my everyday life. I think they stem from other things, but i will get to that. I do not date, not because i am unattractive, that is not the case at all. I have many opportunities to date, but i no longer trust people because of my past so i do not have friends either. My family are my closest people. I have pain in my head constantly, mainly on the left side and it drives me insane. I have been to the doctor over the last year and have been through a slew of medications over it, and it has not really worked. I am very attached to my family, mainly my sister, and sometimes they get fristrated. I think my issue is that i do not want to suffer alone. I did live alone for a wile, but i had this need to have people around me all of the time otherwise i would get depressed. Though this sounds contradicting; in order to leave people alone i drank. When i did that i would keep to myself and play video games and stay out of peoples business.My sister drug me out of alcoholism and we have been best friends. Over the last year i have worked as a Data migration architect, money is not an issue, but i have also suffered this problem in my head and it has been causing me to miss a lot of work and i fear losing my job. My moods change so ofte, i could be happy, sad, when the pain sets in i get very angry, or if it goes on for too long i just want to end it. No pain killers work for me. My doctor did an MRI and was able to determine that i have a large cluster or blood vessels in the front of my brain that are all tangled together, they have probably been that way my entire life. He said this can cause seizure like activity, migranes, mental disorders, and physical disorders. This could explain a lot. I am just at a loss here on what to do, i cannot attend calls with these fortune 500 companies and explain to them how to do my job because my meds make me zonked out, but if i dont take it i curl up in a ball of agony because my head pounds for days on end. My father got me this job and i feel like i let him down. I cannot stand on my own 2 feet anymore and i live with my family. My mother often wants me to move, and understands my situation to a point, but both of them want me to move out. I know that i cannot support myself because i will end up losing my job due to these issues, and it makes me want to just end everything. What do i do? My insurance ran out and i will not get obamacare. Do i just pay out of pocket and get a new neurologist that wont "test" medications on me? Do i try a neurosergeon that may try nerve repair on me? Do i try to get disability? I just dont know what to do... i am on vacation as of today, and maybe i will get fired.. maybe not. I do not know, but i cant take this anymore. I need help.

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