!Trigger warning! Im 14 and i am a pedophile (if at all possible at 14)

[PedophileNeedHelp]

Hi.

BARE IN MIND I HAVE NEVER HURT A CHILD AND HOPEFULLY I WILL NEVER DO BUT I HAVE WATCED NAKED KIDS "DOIN IT" WHICH IM NOT PROUD OF!

I hate long storys (when i have to read them ) so i will keep this short

I am a pedophile [Deleted]

i feel REALY ducking bad about it after i "finished" and i know that i shoudnt be doin it but i just cant ducking control myself

so here's what i think made me to a pedophile

at around 7-9 my older brother (13-15) said he had a softice under the bed for me and even thou i knew it was his penis i did it. i dont know why i did it but i did. (he gave me a "softice" 2-3 times) so thats one reason i might think i am a pedophile

(bare in mind that i am certain he isnt a pedophile as he in goin to be a father and has had many girlfriends over 18)

another reason may be that around the same age my penis was itching (if i remember correctly) and so i being me and my mother visited the doctar he ofcourse looked at my penis but he told me to ehm... like... grab the skin on top of it and pull t back once every time after i have been on the toilet.

so ofcourse i learny about sex preety early but the problem is that noone not to this day has ever had a real "sex" talk with me. so i found out about it myself.

at first i only watched adult porn but i felt... trying to find the right words... unnormal if thats a word. we'll go with it! but i felt unnormal as i was a child and i could only find adults doin these things so i searched for other kids doin the same thing as i did (masturbating at that time i didnt know what it was called) or as in the porn movies. and ofcourse i found it and got instantly fallen in love with it

so here i am asking you if you have anyway to get me out of this psychopathic brain of mine!

[IrmaJean]

Welcome to our community.

You're a young man who is maturing and you may feel a lot of sexual feelings. I don't think there is any reason to make any assumptions about your sexual preferences just yet.

You mention that you found out about sex yourself. I can't tell you what to do, but I wouldn't recommend learning about sex from watching the internet. Do you have an adult who you feel you can safely confide to? A trusted adult, could be a family member, a teacher, or school counselor might be able to listen to your concerns and offer their thoughts to you.

Do you enjoy any activities? Sports? What about friendships? How is your relationship with your parents? Are they supportive? Do you feel safe talking with them? How is school for you? Any favorite subjects?

I know I ask a lot of questions. Just some thoughts that crossed my mind while reading your post. Share only what you feel comfortable sharing.

I hope you are feeling okay today. Take care of yourself.

[PedophileNeedHelp]

Welcome to our community.

You're a young man who is maturing and you may feel a lot of sexual feelings. I don't think there is any reason to make any assumptions about your sexual preferences just yet.

You mention that you found out about sex yourself. I can't tell you what to do, but I wouldn't recommend learning about sex from watching the internet. Do you have an adult who you feel you can safely confide to? A trusted adult, could be a family member, a teacher, or school counselor might be able to listen to your concerns and offer their thoughts to you.

Do you enjoy any activities? Sports? What about friendships? How is your relationship with your parents? Are they supportive? Do you feel safe talking with them? How is school for you? Any favorite subjects?

I know I ask a lot of questions. Just some thoughts that crossed my mind while reading your post. Share only what you feel comfortable sharing.

I hope you are feeling okay today. Take care of yourself.

no i dont have a adult that i feel conforatable to talk to. the reason is that [Deleted] i am very "locked" up (i hold everything inside me) and i am the "silent" kid in school that never says anything other than when he's asked.

So i dont feel confortable talking about this subject other than when im anonymous (glory to the internet!)

activities as in something other than talking to me friends on skype and gaming and being on lan partys whit my friends...

then yes i just had my first day in a movie lesson (after school) other than that no. (i hate sports )

friendships? i have friends yes but i never meet new people other than when im "forced" to.

like half a year ago (beginning of this school year) i got into a new school where i didnt know anybody other than the [Deleted number] other from my previus class. while they (the [Deleted number] in my previus class) nearly knew everyone as they go to play football, basketball and so on. in short i have friends but we mostly just talk on skype and in the school breaks between classes.

my relationship with my parents is as i would say more calm than other teens as i dont get angry easily but ofcourse i hate them .

if they are supportive? i would say yes as they given me a job (in the same shop as my mom, oldest brother and second oldest brother. im the youngest) but i dont know if they are supportive in what i want todo as i dont really know what i want todo.

if i feel safe talking to them? no way! if you mean telling them something i want to keep secret! they will tell everybody! xD

school for me is great! other than im a little socialy akward.

fav subjects in school? or just in general?

if school then suprisingly geography and... i dont know how it's called in english... you know you learn about what happened in the past.

if in general then gaming? xP

i am feeling okay other than im REALLY afraid right now as my counry has been talking about cp (childporn) and censoring it.

and yesterday i [Deleted]

but instead of coming to the page [Deleted]

[IrmaJean]

Thanks for sharing more about yourself. It's good that you have friends and you enjoy school. Geography and History are your favorite subjects, that is wonderful. It's great to have interests and passions in life. I hope you are able to stay active, have fun, and enjoy being a 14 year old boy.

It must be difficult to be struggling and not know who to turn to for support and help. I am glad that you reached out here. I wonder, if there is any way you might distract yourself with another activity when you feel the urge to watch pornography online? If you feel that you can't control yourself, maybe turn off the computer and try to engage a family member instead? Maybe you could play a game together or just talk?

[PedophileNeedHelp]

Thanks for sharing more about yourself. It's good that you have friends and you enjoy school. Geography and History are your favorite subjects, that is wonderful. It's great to have interests and passions in life. I hope you are able to stay active, have fun, and enjoy being a 14 year old boy.

It must be difficult to be struggling and not know who to turn to for support and help. I am glad that you reached out here. I wonder, if there is any way you might distract yourself with another activity when you feel the urge to watch pornography online? If you feel that you can't control yourself, maybe turn off the computer and try to engage a family member instead? Maybe you could play a game together or just talk?

another family member? that would be hard as my mom works from [Deleted] (sry i always forget if pm is before or after 12 or if am is before or after 12 so i just use the 24 hour clock hope you can translate it to english ) and when shes home she has to make dinner wash clothes...

and my dad... well he never really wants to all he wants to play with his [Deleted] but you know everything can't be positive

and my brothers well they are [Deleted] and he has a girlfriend and she also lives here and they are goin to have a baby AND when i ask him she always says "not right now" which basicly means "no i dont want to"

so it's kinda hard to do something else has i spend nearly all my freetime on my computer. but i still have a life! some older people (older not old ) can thing that i dont have a life but not all 14 year olds have a job! )

but i guess i could try to play some games (videogames)

i have been trying to [Deleted] ... and it has mostly worked but i just cant get hard at anything else! xP but ofcourse i can do "it" without watching "that" but it isnt as pleasure able.

btw thank you for helping me

[IrmaJean]

That has to be difficult when it feels you can't connect with family in any way. Have you explained to your father that you'd like to spend time with him, but you'd like to do something other than fifa? Maybe he might (hopefully) be understanding?

I find self-expression can help me if I'm feeling distressed or lonely. I know you enjoy playing video games. Do you also enjoy anything like writing or any type of art? It might help you connect with yourself on a level and that can feel comforting.

One thing about watching pornography...it can have an effect on brain connections and there may be learned associations with sex and pleasurable feelings. It can also become addictive. Just something to be aware of.

I hope things are okay for you today.

[PedophileNeedHelp]

That has to be difficult when it feels you can't connect with family in any way. Have you explained to your father that you'd like to spend time with him, but you'd like to do something other than fifa? Maybe he might (hopefully) be understanding?

I find self-expression can help me if I'm feeling distressed or lonely. I know you enjoy playing video games. Do you also enjoy anything like writing or any type of art? It might help you connect with yourself on a level and that can feel comforting.

One thing about watching pornography...it can have an effect on brain connections and there may be learned associations with sex and pleasurable feelings. It can also become addictive. Just something to be aware of.

I hope things are okay for you today.

I dont think I feel that lonely i just get mad/irritated sometimes but in general i have a nice family they are just very busy and my brothers are most often anoying (as most older brothers)

but yes i have tried to get him to play something else but he just says no or something and then my mom asks him and he still wont and so on. BUT dont go thinking we dont love each other we are just a bit weird family if i may say so myself

when i was younger i used to draw alot also with paint on a canvas with a real "thing" that holds the canvas (think canvas is the right word for the white thing you draw on)

but now i do like it but i dont... i dont really know... i like cutting paper and making something i love making things but i just kinda dont ...

if you mean that i thing sex is just like on porn then no i know that sex isnt like that but if im addicted i dont really know im afraid that i might be (just sitting and thinking about it for a few seconds...)

and i'll think i tell you something. i watched a "series" dont think you call call it a series when its only 2 episodes both 1 hour but after netflix it is.

and it was about human trafficing... human sex trafficking... (shaking while im telling you this) with girls under the age of 18 one of them was freaking 7-9 they were treated so ducking (dont know if curse words are allowed on this forum) bad! nearly like animals! i hate those men that do that to real kids! but at the same time i wonna do the same as those men were doing... and that 7-9 year old she was ducking put into a container! with a bunch of other young kids! thats just horrible!..... and i want to do that to real people but i hate them that do that... wtf is happening?!? (shaking realy bad not really scared just...)

but one thing is sure i will not watch real kids (cant type it... its just so wrong) [deleted]

... its just horrible...

[Musicman]

PedophileNeedHelp, I am a pedophile who has been active online both giving and receiving support over the last few years. I know how hard it can be to deal with these attractions, and I would like to help. The problem is, at 14, I am really hesitant to call you a pedophile. Don't get me wrong; I'm not denying that you have these attractions. I've been attracted to girls since age 11 and boys since 14. It's just that, I think you're at a time in your life when your sexuality still can change. I feel like talking to you about this stuff could kind of "validate" your attractions, though frankly, I don't have any scientific basis for that. Furthermore, I'm apprehensive to talk to you because as a pedophile, myself, I wouldn't want others to accuse me of trying to groom you. That said, I know how difficult it can be to have these attractions and to not act on them. You've mentioned that you've watched CP. I certainly hope you don't still do that, as it's a really bad path to go down, and it's hell coming back from. Would you say that you are attracted only to younger children, or are you also interested in people your own age and/or older?

[PedophileNeedHelp]

PedophileNeedHelp, I am a pedophile who has been active online both giving and receiving support over the last few years. I know how hard it can be to deal with these attractions, and I would like to help. The problem is, at 14, I am really hesitant to call you a pedophile. Don't get me wrong; I'm not denying that you have these attractions. I've been attracted to girls since age 11 and boys since 14. It's just that, I think you're at a time in your life when your sexuality still can change. I feel like talking to you about this stuff could kind of "validate" your attractions, though frankly, I don't have any scientific basis for that. Furthermore, I'm apprehensive to talk to you because as a pedophile, myself, I wouldn't want others to accuse me of trying to groom you. That said, I know how difficult it can be to have these attractions and to not act on them. You've mentioned that you've watched CP. I certainly hope you don't still do that, as it's a really bad path to go down, and it's hell coming back from. Would you say that you are attracted only to younger children, or are you also interested in people your own age and/or older?

hi thank you for caring

you said you like to talk do in mean like in private or just on this forum post?

either way i would like to get help from someone who is in the same situation (as far as i know yet ) as me.

yeah i have stoped becouse of the so called series on Netflix about human sex trafficking as you may have seen on my reply last to IrmaJea

i dont feel attracted to girls/boys my age only the "one" with small boobs nearly flatchest and soft skin (as i can see) basicly like children

i have been trying really hard not to watch any lolicon and shotacon the last days and so far i have been preety succesful but i wont be able to hold back for ever for what i can see.

[Musicman]

[Deleted]