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Hi everyone, new here, need lots of help


setsuna
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Hi everyone. My username is Setsuna, and my real name is Setsuna. It's Japanese for "a moment/an instant."

The thing is, I'm worried that my name is the only beautiful thing about me. I've had such a dark past, I feel like I've been "tainted" and that I'm a freak for having been the way I was. The things that were done to me...the things that I've done myself...

I hope I enjoy my time here. :)

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Hello, Setsuna, welcome! :)

I've read also your two other posts where you mentioned the things that your brother did to you and some of your resulting problems. There's no wonder that you struggle with mental issues after being bullied and "brain-washed" (I think this kind of bullying and intimidating can be called this way - when somebody persuades you that you're bad, good for nothing etc. during your childhood) :(... It's very good that you're already in therapy - I hope it will help you to profoundly change - to become much happier, more self-assured, and free from the OCD. How long are you already in treatment? How is it going?

In the other thread, you mentioned some very unpleasant (painful and/or disgusting) memories and asked whether it is something to tell your therapist about. I know this feeling, this kind of insecurity from my own therapy - I also sometimes wondered if "something seemingly so trivial is worth mentioning". So I can tell you also from my experience that it can be very helpful to tell (with all details and associated emotions!) - if nothing else, it certainly brings a kind of relief and a good feeling of "being heard". I believe your therapist won't react in a disappointing manner. And if you're lucky, (s)he can even help you to somehow process those memories do that they don't come back so often and with such intensity.

It also seems that you have some "anger issues". It's certainly possible not to be angry at somebody who used to abuse you, but... I'd say that if it's a "healthy absence of anger", then it doesn't go along with anger at others - as it is in your case. It seems that your coping mechanism with your anger (and possibly other emotions) towards your abuser has included redirection or the emotions onto others. But a good, profound therapy can work also with anger and with the attitude toward the abuser so that you can first release all the hidden emotions, get to know and understand them, and then slowly move on - toward a life without anger or hatred, without thinking too often of what happened to you in the past (when triggered by somebody who reminds you of it, for instance), ...

I also hope you'll find here the support you need :).

Take care!

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