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I'm suicidal and I'm scared


WorthlessMe
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I'm 19 and I have already attempted to kill myself (small penis and depression) not going to go into big detail but I honestly believe life is worthless if you're small. It's gotten to the point where I just don't care any more. I just feel destroyed I was never this bad before. Dildos and toys and stuff are worthless the woman might aswell master-bait by herself. I keep asking myself what's the point of living and I can't think that way because the last time I thought that way I tried to hurt myself very very badly. I need some advise from a stranger...I just had to say this, if I didn't I might of did something foolish. I forgot to add I have already been in some relationships and they just didn't workout (Penis size).

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Welcome to our community, Me.

So sorry you are in so much pain. :( There is so much more to you than one body part. Are you able to connect with and appreciate your gifts?

Is there someone there with you who can listen and support you? It's good you reached out here too. Keep expressing yourself if it helps. We are here and listening.

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Hello, welcome!

I'm sorry you're in such distress :( ... I can only agree with IJ's post. One body part cannot determine a person's worth, life, happiness...

You wrote you believe that "life is worthless if you're small". It's a shortcut type of thinking, as well as the idea of suicide is. I used to be suicidal for quite many years myself, so I know it's a difficult struggle, but I also know it's "implicitly" a kind of struggle for a better life, not a real wish to actually die, and it can be overcome; one can live better and try to improve without this "shortcut thinking", wish for and illusional "solution".

Let's look at your assumption: "life is worthless if you're small" It implies that "life is worthy living if you're not small" - but do you really think that the worth of a men's life lies within one part of his body?? (Well, maybe I would agree it the body part was the brain ;).) Sadly, you've had so far just bad experiences with girls, but you're young, you have a lot of time to search for "the one for you", a girl who will love you the way you are (and there's no reason to think that you couldn't have great sexual life - there are many ways (and I don't mean "toys" you've mentioned) how to enjoy "a small man", similarly as there are many ways how not to be satisfied (or even suffer) with "a big man"!! The girls you've met so far are probably too young and too stupid/inexperienced/narrow minded to know! Or maybe they just used your size as a pretext to leave you - maybe they didn't like your relationship for another reason but were so tortuous that they used this cruelly as "an excuse").

Before finding a loving girl, before being ready for a mature relationship, it would be better to focus on yourself, on your depression and self-esteem. It's much harder to attract a girl and even to be in a relationship when you're constantly insecure about yourself and depressed for whatever reason.

If you now exclude your size and "girls in general"; what does make you depressed? What would you like to change about your life? What are the ways you could begin to enjoy it? (If you find ways to improve your mental health, then dating and dealing with your size would be much easier. So why not to start there?)

Feeling depressed as a teenager is... I would say even "quite normal" (given all the characteristics of that period of life), but when it leads to suicidality, then it's much much better and safer to seek professional help. Forums like this one are great, but cannot offer so much; I know from my experience as well as from experiences of many others that a personal relationship formed in course of therapy is incommutable and can be healing. I hope there are psychotherapists accessible to you and I encourage you to find one and invest in your life - by working in psychotherapy to overcome your depression and too low self-esteem linked to it.

Take care!

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