Jump to content
Mental Support Community

Love in General


gone
 Share

Recommended Posts

This topic has absolutely nothing to do with S.P.S. I'll admit. If one of the mods want to move it or delete it I'll understand, but it might make a change of pace from the usual fare.

It's about love. I've mused about and considered this question off and on through the years, usually with a tasty cigar and a cold beer on my deck.

Question: Does a person only get to fall in love once in their life?

I mean a true, totally open completely giving 100% love. Is it a natural instinct to hold back just a little after being burnt by that person you so openly trusted at one point?

Now, I'm watching my first son go through just this, and it's hitting me personally.

(he's 24) He was going with a girl since high school. I always got a slightly bad vibe off her, but I think he was really in love with her. She cheated. He tried to make it work but she ended up having nothing to do with my son.

Flash three years later. While in collage he met the second girl. I took to her immediately, she is smart, grounded, well connected to the real world. (and very cute) She really seems to be in love with him. (No, he's not her first love either, they've both been through this)

He seems slightly distant with her, like he's not going to open up 100%. She's doing her graduate work in Louisiana, she'll make the drive up to southern Indiana to see him. He seems to make little effort to see her.

I've seen this with other people through the years.

So.....if you're not a persons first, totally open complete love, you're doomed to a less intense level of love?

If it's not your first (or you're not someone elses) first, is it always a little less?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thanks Jessie. I kinda figured most folks would feel this way. You know, fool me once shame on you fool me twice type of deal. Probably means 90% of the population are in relationships that doesn't go quite as deep as we'd all like to believe.

Things that make you go Hmmmmmm.....

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thanks Ken! Great points, but I'd point out what they seem to need in this currant relationship seems to be less, at least on her part? Is it the old less is more way of thinking? I'm surprised she puts up with it, but she cares deeply about him.

In your last paragraph you say baggage from 'your' past, but I'm focusing on the baggage from your partners past. Not so much you treating your partner with less, but being involved in a love where your partner can't let you in as deep as you'd like because of a past hurt.

I try to see this in a different light, but it still looks like 'love lite' to me. Don't allow him/her in as deep, don't get hurt as much.

Is this way of feeling even fair to the other person? Is the person holding back cheating their partner of an intense love with someone else?

I'm just musing here...one of many things that go 'round in my head and really doesn't amount to a hill of beans.

More comments/thoughts?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Individuals relate differently, may have different attachment styles, different methods of getting needs met, and different needs for levels of intimacy. Some may desire more closeness, while others may need and want more space and distance. I think it is healthy for each partner in a relationship to relate in the way they are most comfortable, but if different attachment styles are involved the dynamic can be challenging at times. I don't think any of this necessarily means that love is "less" as it might be experienced differently by each partner.

Edited by IrmaJean
adding
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 months later...

This topic has absolutely nothing to do with S.P.S. I'll admit. If one of the mods want to move it or delete it I'll understand, but it might make a change of pace from the usual fare.

It's about love. I've mused about and considered this question off and on through the years, usually with a tasty cigar and a cold beer on my deck.

Question: Does a person only get to fall in love once in their life?

I mean a true, totally open completely giving 100% love. Is it a natural instinct to hold back just a little after being burnt by that person you so openly trusted at one point?

Now, I'm watching my first son go through just this, and it's hitting me personally.

...

I've seen this with other people through the years.

So.....if you're not a persons first, totally open complete love, you're doomed to a less intense level of love?

If it's not your first (or you're not someone elses) first, is it always a little less?

Nope. My girl has felt she loves me more than she ever thought possible. I'm her 3rd love.

Though perhaps the man leads on this, as with many aspects of relationships.

Love is made up of three unconditional properties in equal measure:

1. Acceptance 2. Understanding 3. Appreciation

Senior penor - neat username ;) - what you say isn't untrue... but it is only a fraction of how it is. Love, genuine Love is a force like gravity... is is universal and behind everything in the Universe.

All that Exists came from Love.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I thought that 'all that exists' came from a singularity in space-time called the 'Big Bang' which is a theory supported by background radiation ripples and Red Shift Data.

I'm not too dumb and read a lot of physics too.

I'm talking about the experience living things have, you're talking about the attributes and behaviour of stuff.

Knowing is different to living. Go watch Good Will Hunting : )

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 1 month later...

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
 Share

×
×
  • Create New...