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What should I do now?


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For the first time in a long time, I cried. Alot. At school and at home, I just couldn't stop. Why? Let me tell you.

Let's start with Ethan, my best bud. He is funny, smart, and a gamer. He out does me in EVERYTHING. No matter how hard I try he does better than me. Writing, gaming, being funny, being skinny, height, smarts, spelling. Anything and everything.

We are quiet different, he's into to a lot of different things than I am. The only reason I still think we are friends is because of our similar group of friends, we share a sense of humor, and are both gamers. I am just a little underdog, and he out does me in everything.

Even girls. Girls like him WAY more. Including the group of friends who are girls, they sit next to him as he makes jokes and makes them, and me, laugh. I burn with envy as I watch him. Everyone likes him more, and they all tend to hang around me only because I am with Ethan.

Another thing I cried over today is that group of friends. They don't really care about me. When I was crying, they just ignored me. They only like me when I don't need them and I am not depressed or angry. When I am sad or whatever, they just ignore me and sit there and laugh at ethan being a bird.

They are just so distant . Rylee, Ethan, Tori, and Jade sit there and be them awesome selves, while I tend to myself, alone. They don't bother to hear my ideas, read my stories, listen to my words. Only when I give them info about something, say what happened between Ethan and Tannor [/edited last name to protect privacy].

This girl I liked, Chelesa, broke up with me because a kid in a nearby town where she used to go to school died. Yes, it was sad, but she said she had a crush on him and she couldn't date anyone else because she was torn up over it.

The next day, she asked out my friend (not ethan, surpisingly) who accepted. I flipped. I wasn't so mad about the break up, I was mad about how she lied about the kid who died. She used a dead kid, (seth) ask a break up tool! Gah! A liar she is.

I posted about it on facebook. Apparently a couple days later, my friend and Chelsea got into some trouble, and broke up for a millisecond, but then got back together. I posted in the comments of that situation about what she did. How she lied. But then my friend Tori, AND MY MOM, both told me to cut it out and to let it go.

The worst part is how right they are. I tried to talk to Tori and Jade about it but the both ignored my messages.

So here I am, tears streaming over the terrible things that have happened to me, and I have no one to talk to about it. I would talk to my parents but they just make me feel bad about my decscions and make me feel worse about myself.

What do I do now? How can I get my friends back?

Edited by IrmaJean
removed last name
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Welcome to our community, dgs.

This sounds very painful for you. I'm sorry you're hurting. :( I'm sorry things are so hard for you and you aren't feeling supported at home. Do you have any family who can listen and support you, perhaps there is a counselor at school you might speak with?

I think we all have a want for belonging, to be seen and heard, and to share meaningful friendships with others. I feel that often myself too. I'm not sure how old you are, but if you are in school, the many adjustments that go with growing up and finding our way during this time of our lives can be so challenging. I think it starts with being okay with ourselves and who we are as we are as individuals. When we can connect with that energy and with ourselves, it's easier to form lasting friendships with people who appreciate and respect us. Do you have interests or hobbies? What do you like about yourself?

I hope you can be gentle with yourself. Take care.

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