Do I have PTSD?

[setsuna]

I am really, really sorry to be posting this. But, long story short, I've always had symptoms of trauma, and now I'm sick of wondering "why?" I want to know the truth.

I remember that pretty much immediately after birth, I had to go to the ICU because the doctors saw that I was bleeding in an area where I should not have bled. Long story short, once again, after about two or three days, I was released. There was nothing wrong with me.

When I was a couple of months old, I fell off a cabinet, I think it was at least 5 feet tall. I went to the emergency room again, and I got stitches.

I told you all that I have symptoms of trauma. In the past, they included bed wetting, extreme sensitivity to criticism or rejection, low self esteem, and self destructive tendencies. I also had horrible nightmares as a kid.

Once again, I'm really sorry for posting this since my problems seem to be so small. (For instance, I know EVERYONE gets dropped as a child.) I just want to get to the bottom of things. Is it likely that I have PTSD?

PS I almost forgot, when I was younger I had an intense fear of being hugged by my dad. I was worried that he might suffocate me. When I was really really little, I had a nightmare of someone suffocating me or lying on top of me.

[LaLa]

Hi, Setsuna, don't feel sorry, there's no reason to be sorry about posting and asking - that's why this forum is here .

What you describe sounds really like consequences of past traumas, but we cannot diagnose you. If you want to know if this meets the criteria of PTSD, you have to ask a psychiatrist. But I think the exact (name of the) diagnosis doesn't play such an important role - you do suffer and that matters. I would strongly recommend you getting professional help. PTSD as well as related conditions can be treated. A good therapy can make a big difference in your life.

May I ask you; do you really remember what happened when you was a baby (didn't just somebody told you about it and you remember how you imagined it while listening)? That's very extraordinary!

I'd like to come back to an older question you posted and I didn't notice it then:

My brother was just a big brother, that is, he was aggressive and dominant. So what if it was nobody's fault that I got so much damage out of our relationship?

It's never "right" when someone does any damage to a relative (or friend or... anybody innocent). So what he did was bad and wrong, but I think that at the same time, there's no need to say it was his "fault", blame him, be angry and bitter. He behaved like he did because of some issues, some bad influences, ... It's a usually difficult task - the reconciliation with the damage that our family has done to us, but it's possible to find a healthy approach. This includes not blaming yourself! I hope you don't blame yourself for what others have done to you. It's very sad how you used to be treated and reconciliation doesn't mean thinking it was "right" or "not bad". It means... finding a way how not to be emotionally influenced by that anymore. No blaming or anger or bitterness or contemplation of who was how much responsible, who's how much guilty.

What do you think?

Take care!