Dont know what to do?

[ajinnc]

I do not know where else to go but here right now. A week and a half ago my husband started yelling and screaming to me how horrible I am and that the last 13 years have been h*ll for him. He tells me he does not love me nor like me and never wants s*x with me again that he is done and leaving since then he comes and goes like anyones business while I am left with our four children seeing this and asking me where he is all the time? They heard him have this shouting scenario and no I did not yell back or question it as I wanted him to stop and calm down for the kids sake. He is staying out all the time and not coming in at night but he will not leave completely either. I spoke with him last night and we just talked and he expressed to me that others at work wereasking him if he was bipolar during this converstaion he stated to me he believed he might have it but no he will not go see a doctor to find out as he says there is nothing wrong with being bipolar. I told him no I do not believe there is anything wrong with it either but that I do believe to think or feel you may have it that it is wrong to do this to the kids and I and mostly himself. I need youto understand leading up to this I had no clue whatsoeer this was how he felt, we have had several episodes in the past were he acted what I would call manic from what I have read at least. He is a man who worked everyday and would come home after work and spend time with me and the kids he used to be involved with our church and boy scouts and he has let it all go. He says not to manipulate him with the kids when I tell him he needs to help me come up with something to tell them when they ask where he is or when he will be home as I am tired of telling them I dont know. He says he hasnt left because he doesnt want to make a rash decision and he has responsibilities but he is not paying bills and has also went and bought a new truck without my knowledge beforehand in the past week , nor is he buying groceries. So the big deal for him last night was for him to tell me no he doesnt want s*x with me ever again and no he doesnt love me but if I go be with someone else it would solve his problem for him? Does that make sense to anyone? It doesnt to me as I feel if you do not care it wouldnt matter. At this point he continues to sleep in the bed with me and there are other alternatives when he comes home and he wants to know where I am and what I am doing all the time. He also continues to wear his wedding ring. This thoroughly confuses me and with him saying he wont got o a doctor I dont know what to do my children are crying all the time and making him cards and such to give asking him not to leave us. This is breaking my heart I dont know how to help them. So does anyone believe or have any idea what is going on? I came here as I have asked myself the last week and half if he might have a mental disorder. I dont know where else to go or where to turn. Thank you for any help or ideas.

[Guest ASchwartz]

Hi Ajinnc,

Wow, you reported a lot all at once and your report very much tells the story of how upset you have to be feeling.

First, your story makes perfect sense. However, there are real limits to what you can do about the situation. The reason for your limitations is your husband's refusal to seek psychiatric help.

By the way, it is not true that there is nothing wrong with having a Bipolar Disorder. Bipolar symptoms make it difficult or impossible for people to think clearly, control their behavior and use good judgment. Of course, once on medication that all changes. My opinion is that your husband should see a psychiatrist before making any decsions and, if he has a Bipolar Disorder, go on medication and then decide whether he wants this marriage or not.

What do you want? You need to ask your self some hard questions like this one. Do you still want to remain married to this man? Do you think he is good for you and the children? Would all of you be better off without him?

Has he ever hit you, terrorized you, threatened you and has he ever done these things to the children?

You do have a right to divorce him, if you wish to and if you believe it would make life better for all of you.

By the way, have you thought of seeking marriage counseling or psychotherapy for your self to help you with this situation?

What does everyone else think about this situation?

Allan