dvnJ22 Posted May 7, 2014 Report Share Posted May 7, 2014 Besides it will hurt my family. Anyone? Cause I can't think of any. AAFrancesrari, Lenafug, Acancycink and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smallstar Posted May 7, 2014 Report Share Posted May 7, 2014 Because maybe if you hold on long enough one day you'll be glad you're still here? It's impossible to know your future. I hope you're okay. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dvnJ22 Posted May 7, 2014 Author Report Share Posted May 7, 2014 That's not good enough! Its just flase hope, this was my point life (for me) is not worth living. The only reason I have not commited suicide is fear, and that will pass away soon. I know how I'm going to do it too, I just have to work up the nerve. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dvnJ22 Posted May 7, 2014 Author Report Share Posted May 7, 2014 forget it.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spitfire101 Posted May 7, 2014 Report Share Posted May 7, 2014 I am having a tough time finding a reason as well. I gave myself until 30yo to find a reason to live and with only a year left I am having trouble finding the energy to survive another year. sorry, no help from me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dvnJ22 Posted May 7, 2014 Author Report Share Posted May 7, 2014 I've got my answer then on what I should do Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smallstar Posted May 7, 2014 Report Share Posted May 7, 2014 What's your answer? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IrmaJean Posted May 7, 2014 Report Share Posted May 7, 2014 I'm sorry you're struggling so much, dvn. :( None of us can make choices for you, but people do care. I hope you will keep yourself safe.Reasons to live? Things can change and improve if you choose life. There are no more choices or chances for positive change in suicide. Depression can cause very negative thought patterns that may make things seem very dark and bleak. And those negative thought patterns can wear a person's will down and push them deeper into depression. Therapy can help. Medications may help. Are you talking openly with your therapist about your feelings? I hope you will reach out for help, dvn. Your life matters. You matter. We all matter. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeep Posted May 7, 2014 Report Share Posted May 7, 2014 You mentioned family, so you have someone who loves you who can give you a good long hug? Go to them and demand it if need be.Physically feeling someone love you with a hug can break through your negative defences and help you where you are hurting inside. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
malign Posted May 7, 2014 Report Share Posted May 7, 2014 Can I give you a reason to live?Short answer: no.Moreover, you already know that, which is why you asked. You know that no reason any other person could give you would make you live. Would you want to be a person who lives because of other people's reasons?I can tell you the reasons why I chose to live; that's about all.When it came down to a decision, and it did, a couple of times, I chose to live because death would be the end of possibilities. I hated my life as it was; I doubted I could change it, or rather, quite fervently believed that I couldn't. But I knew for certain that if I died, that would be my epitaph: "He stopped trying."While there's life, there's hope. Even if you don't think there is.About the only reason to choose death is if that's the only way to prove to yourself that there wasn't any hope. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dvnJ22 Posted May 7, 2014 Author Report Share Posted May 7, 2014 What's your answer?I'm going to commit suicide Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smallstar Posted May 7, 2014 Report Share Posted May 7, 2014 I don't get it, do you want to be talked out of it? I mean I've been in places where I thought without a shadow of doubt that my only option was suicide but I was so wrong. Even now, I'm not in a great place but I just have faith that eventually I will be in a different place. I wish I knew the answer you were looking for, I would happily give it to you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
caninoespacial Posted May 7, 2014 Report Share Posted May 7, 2014 You have to live to eat chocolat and listen to premiata forneria marconi. You have to live to drink good wine and mead. You have to live to see the amazing things in the horizon, to take a long car drive through the entire continent. Have you ever been in south america? In Caribe? You have to live to see star wars 7 in the theaters and you have to live to read dostoievski. Maybe you want to pass a time living in the snow. You have to walk in a desert and eat the 1001 foods from some book of this kind. You have to watch good movies and listen to the thousands of tons of good music that exists in the world. I read your topics before and i know is hard to enjoy these things alone but sometimes companionship is for fiction. People can be very selfish and give you a kick even if you are the most atractive, fine and well-endowed guy. Enjoy friends, be an experience hunter. If it's hard to be confident to be with a girl because of what they can think, be worried with your own feelings and forget about the performance, because this is so ephemeral as the people and their opnion. Be sure that you live once. skyentist 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IrmaJean Posted May 7, 2014 Report Share Posted May 7, 2014 Dvn, please go and get help. I can't tell you what to do, but I do care. Can you confide to a friend or family member, call your therapist? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeep Posted May 7, 2014 Report Share Posted May 7, 2014 I hope you find self acceptance through whatever means you can pursue until then please believe there are people who love you and who accept you as you are. As well as your family we who are responding in this thread are showing you love too, we value you.Why not agree with their/our assessment of your intrinsic worth? Your way only leads to pain, (assuming you are in the same spot I was in once).Like IrmaJean says please seek help. Perhaps phone a depression support or suicide help charity? You don't have to go into specific anatomical details if you would rather not. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skyentist Posted May 7, 2014 Report Share Posted May 7, 2014 I don't know if I'm qualified to give you any reasons to live. I'd spent sometime with that issue myself. One thing I've learnt is that you ought to enjoy the little things, you shouldn't wait for some huge tabloid outside your window telling what's your purpose in life, that won't happen. You won't find out what is the point of being alive and existing until it happens.One good reason, on my opinion? Curiosity. You never know what tomorrow will bring. It can be worse, it can be better or it can be whatever you were meant to do. If this is not enough, think about auroras. Think about seeing the sun rise in an airplane. Have you ever? The most beautiful thing I've ever seen, brought tears to my eyes and I thought "I'm going to live for it and if I die now, I'll die happy".For some time now I've convinced myself that suicide is not worth it unless you are in peace with yourself. Imagine, you'll die angry and sad with everything around you, it will be the last feeling, the last impression of you on Earth. Do you really want people to remember you like this? Is it worth dying when the last thing you'll feel is contempt and anger?As my friend caninoespacial said, and I paraphrase: you ought to enjoy the little things. Drink, eat, read, listen to music, travel, drink again, eat more, read until your eyes hurt, stay up late and watch the sun rise, watch it set down, swim, run, don't take pictures, don't waste your time with meaningless things, break glasses, plates, mirrors. Get fat, go on a diet, get a pet, tell someone you love them, take risks. Suicide is a waste of flesh, a waste of time, a waste of brightness, a waste of opportunities, a waste of love, of art, of energy. caninoespacial 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skyentist Posted May 7, 2014 Report Share Posted May 7, 2014 To quote my favourite TV show in the history of TV shows: 900 years of time and space and I’ve never met anyone who wasn’t important. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dvnJ22 Posted May 8, 2014 Author Report Share Posted May 8, 2014 I don't get it, do you want to be talked out of it? I mean I've been in places where I thought without a shadow of doubt that my only option was suicide but I was so wrong. Even now, I'm not in a great place but I just have faith that eventually I will be in a different place. I wish I knew the answer you were looking for, I would happily give it to you.I don't know if I want to be talked out or not Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dvnJ22 Posted May 8, 2014 Author Report Share Posted May 8, 2014 Dvn, please go and get help. I can't tell you what to do, but I do care. Can you confide to a friend or family member, call your therapist?No I'm not talking to anyone, I won't tell anyone anything. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dvnJ22 Posted May 8, 2014 Author Report Share Posted May 8, 2014 If it's hard to be confident to be with a girl because of what they can think, be worried with your own feelings and forget about the performance, What? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smallstar Posted May 8, 2014 Report Share Posted May 8, 2014 Hi dvn. Glad you're still here Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dvnJ22 Posted May 8, 2014 Author Report Share Posted May 8, 2014 "Besides it will hurt my family."You need more than that? Would you like me to go into the horror and grizzly details of finding a loved one who has killed himself, because I've been there. _I_ am forever changed and so will your family and the change isn't for the better for anyone. I continue to live in this nightmare and so will your family!Yes I do, my family is part of a cult, and I'm under investigation by a religious court. When the ruling is passed down my family will shun me. In the very near future it is possible I won't have my family because I disagree with their religion. Plus living for my family is not enough, I've tried it, and I'm just existing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
octupassrex Posted May 8, 2014 Report Share Posted May 8, 2014 talking will make you feel validated, and will give our brain a nice sigh of relief. its very short term- you eventually have to address the problem. but as a coping strategy, talking to someone should always be your first option. now I cant help you much. I tried to kill myself a few months ago by swallowing a bottle of sleeping pills. it didn't work since, by a fluke of luck, my dog stopped me. and you know what? I was really mad that it failed. and than I asked to go to the psych ward to get knocked out for a few days. and than when I ame back I was much more calm. every 3 months I go back to the psych ward coz I cant control my suicidal impulses and intense anger. and you know what... I got a 4.0 gpa at uoft. I got the highest mark in my intro to linguistics class. I am quite resected amongst first years for my immense, seemingly prodigious knowledge of linguistics. and yet im really suicidal. I don't think my accomplishments are impressive at all- I feel like anyone with half a brain could get a 4.0, and linguistics seems like an easy class. so whats my point? simple- don't expect anything you do to be impressive to you. there is no "reason" to live, because anytime you do something successful, you'll just want to do something even more successful. they say happiness is the thing your supposed to pursue- but I find that to reek of bullshit just as much as you. sadly it is true that most successful people are just losers that are just self content- so if you can somehow make yourself self-content, maybe you can overcome it. but yeah, I noticed no one responded to your last threat, so I want to say that I don't want you to kill yourself. I know im a hypocrite- I cant tell you not to kill yourself since I still fight the impulse to this day. please talk to me or someone and than seek help. LaLa 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dvnJ22 Posted May 8, 2014 Author Report Share Posted May 8, 2014 That settles it, I hate myself so I don't want to live for myself, and therefore I should kill myself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
octupassrex Posted May 8, 2014 Report Share Posted May 8, 2014 You really think there's such thing as a "successful" person? I mean, other than the obvious "im the best me" sense, of course, because as stated earlier that's hardly an objective measure. Personally, I think we're all just "losers" in the most relevant sense- since we never feel like (and usually never are) the best at anything (and in most cases, there can never be a number one in the category anyways). We all die alone as Donnie Darko so elegantly put it, and its practically all for nothing. And please dvnj22 don't kill yourself just yet. regardless of whether this is a cry for help or a serious suicide attempt, your suffering is distressful. why do you hate yourself? lets think more positively- how can you begin to change the things about you that you hate? I was an obese highschool failure with no career, relationships, or even friends. 2 years later Im still horribly miserable, but I lost most of the weight and went back to school. turning your life around after hitting rock bottom is a painfully slow and overall terrible experience- but if you don't do it, you will eventually succeed in your suicide attempts. and that would be very terrible, especially if your an atheist like me, and don't believe anything comes next. Because than no matter how shitty life is now, it would be much much much more boring to be dead. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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