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Ok, would you quit?


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Good to hear it! I think weekly sex is more common than the average married couple, so it seems to me that you've got things covered in the bedroom. You wed your dream girl and years later, you guys are working hard to appreciate each other's needs. If that isn't the opitome of a successful marriage then I don't know what is. Keep up the good work!

I wouldn't underestimate the value of your opinion if I were you, anything you say in therapy or privately is bound to be extremely helpful.My guess is that it offers your wife a sense of perspective, and could prevent her from worrying too much or stressing needlessly.

You're doing well. Any thoughts on getting that new flute then? Who would've thought it would cost so much eh? Do you still box or hit pads/a heavy bag? How's the communication between you and your wife now?

Sometimes I feel like it's the epitome of mediocrity. I'm no different than 1,000,000 other small-penised guys out there. Maybe struggling a little more, but that's ok. We've got through some tough times in the past, this too shall pass.

Therapy did ok for me, and I know it's doing her a world of good. She carried a lot of baggage for years.

Yeah, the flutes gonna happen. We're checking on financing through a supply house. Stephanie found one her and the prof likes. It's not as expensive (relatively) as some of the high end models, and still leaves her some room to grow and improve. I DO still work out. I run my speed bag a couple times a week, and have an Everlast heavyweight bag hanging from my floor joist in the basement. When it's bad weather out I have a jump rope I've had for years that I use.

Later edit: How about you Small? Do you still shadow box or hit the training bag a few times? I find it's like a drug I just can't do without.

Sarah and I are doing well. We've learned we don't need a 'safe place' (therapists office) to bring up things or talk stuff out. Our communication is probably better now than at any time in our relationship.

I suppose I owe a begrudging thanks to Ronnie (that guy at her dads funeral). If he hadn't set me off, none of this would have happened. Yeah, just before I pound him, I'll thank him. (I know, I should be nice. That's what the wifes always telling me.)

I hope retr0john doesn't mind us not staying on topic

Not at all. Like I've said, I enjoy reading what you guys have to say. I might really disagree with what someone says, but you guys always make your cases in knowledgeable, articulate ways. (Hell, I've had to look up words in the dictionary. Thanks for schooling me.)

he's too busy with his stone fox wife to mind. ;)

Man, I wish. Both our respective jobs have been driving us crazy. When it's not the jobs, it's my mom and dad, or her mom or one of the kids. We both believe strongly in taking care of family, but sometimes that leaves us exhausted at the end of the day. This Saturday (Valentines Day) we've nothing planned. I'm anticipating a late morning in bed followed by a nice, hot bath together.

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1- financing, for a flute?????!!!!!! and not even a high end model?! can't she just play the harmonica or something, lol?

2- "everlast"? that sounds more like a name for a condom, or a pill for e.d or something.

3- my two cents on communication: sex, is the best communication. you've heard of the phrase "a picture's worth a thousand words", well, a nice roll in the hay is worth at least 25,000 words, which should satisfy even the yappiest of women ;):D .

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1- financing, for a flute?????!!!!!! and not even a high end model?! can't she just play the harmonica or something, lol?

2- "everlast"? that sounds more like a name for a condom, or a pill for e.d or something.

3- my two cents on communication: sex, is the best communication. you've heard of the phrase "a picture's worth a thousand words", well, a nice roll in the hay is worth 25,000 words, which should satisfy even the yappiest of women ;):D .

The flute she wants is a Mirimatsu (spelling?) It's just over $10,000. Look on ebay right now I think it's a Haynes flute that's got $22,000 with a buy it now of $26,000. Yeah it's ridiculous. Her flute will cost thousands more than our baby grand.

Everlast is pretty common in sports. You couldn't have anything in E.D. pills called everlast.....you know anything over four hours and you're supposed to get help. :)

I'm hoping for a nice chance to communicate Sat morning!

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1- I think most marriages feel mediocre? I wouldn't know, so I'm totally guessing lol. But to me, it seems that a "successful" marriage is one that exists, full stop. You guys seem to exceed that benchmark, so credit where it's due; you're doing a good job.

2- Argh! Valentines day. My only kryptonite lol. I guess I have to plan something special too, Blah.

1- you know i can't let you get away with a statement like this: "one that exists, full stop"? many "marriages" "exist", but very few even resemble what an actual marriage should be, let alone be "successful".

2- did you forget that you're batman, and not superman? kryptonite only works on me.

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retr0john,

I hit the heavy bag in the gym I swim at fairly regularly. Nothing to intense, I mostly spend about 10/15 minutes on drills to get the blood pumping before I hit the pool. By the sounds of it you're doing more than me, so kudos. I used to skip a lot when I boxed, excellent for stamina, but these days I'm a stranger to the rope.

I think most marriages feel mediocre? I wouldn't know, so I'm totally guessing lol. But to me, it seems that a "successful" marriage is one that exists, full stop. You guys seem to exceed that benchmark, so credit where it's due; you're doing a good job.

Argh! Valentines day. My only kryptonite lol. I guess I have to plan something special too, Blah.

Bags great for warming up, isn't it? I really wish I was a better swimmer. I envy folks who can just cut through the water.

Yeah, things can get stale fast. We're at a point though where we can just sit together quietly and enjoy it.

Valentines Day, Small! You've got to start considering things like that! :)

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How are your anger problems by the way? Have they been getting better since your relationship with your wife has improved?

I really wanted to deny any anger issues, but I've had three times in my life when I guess I kinda went berserk. But this last time no punch was thrown or landed. I was just shocked by this idiot showing up. Honestly, I don't think Sarah even realized I knew who he was or knew his name.

I remember you told me that you had an aggressive come-forward fighting style. Deep down, you're all fight so there's no wonder that you get consumed with anger when you feel threatened or aggravated.

This is really hard to explain. The first two times I really lost my temper, it wasn't even about me. The other guys were bullies and viciously "f"ing with two of my friends. (The last, he was insulting my friends fiancé'.)

I'm generally easy going. If a guy insults me, I brush it off. I have nothing to prove, it's just not worth it. And I've never really been picked on much. But if it goes personal with family or friends, I get annoyed real fast.

These guys take implicit jabs at you, so your instinctual reaction is to step in and unleash powerful hooks to the body and dome. I'm speaking figuratively of course, but your mental process in the real world follows your physical reaction in the ring, right?

I try to stay calm. We both know the guy that totally looses his cool gets his ass kicked. You have to serve your 'revenge' up calmly and coldly. And you have to be careful physically. I broke the knuckle on my right hand middle finger on a guys cheekbone in 9th grade. You just can't throw full power straight-in punches with out gloves. Even though I've had a few spells, I really, REALLY try to remain calm.

So, the question becomes when have you taken a backstep in the ring? Have you ever used water instead of fire, and why? Maybe to get the tall feller to swing and miss so you could check him with a left hook?

Yep. But in the ring it's not personal. You can watch, look and try to spot any bad habits or openings without emotions getting in the way. You're not out for blood, just trying to score points.

Calculated aggression, is what that is? If bobbing into range and throwing hooks is relentless, raw aggression, then stepping back and goading someone into a checkmate position is likened to channeling your anger into something more cerebral. You're still aggressive, but not the aggressor.

Great description of the ring.

I find that a long, unflinching stare is more intimidating than being mouthed off at. If you stare at this man, you cause him to cower or react. If he reacts, then he's the aggressor, so you have the moral and legal right to pound him. If he cowers, then he'll feel like shit, and will probably look over his shoulder for months.

Yeah, did exactly that in the second case. I caught him out about 2 weeks after "The Incident". He was sitting at a table with some friends. I asked one of them to move so I could sit close to him and talk.

When you give a man room, when you stay back away from him you're telling him you consider him a threat. You're giving him respect. I sat down and slid up close to him, well within arms reach and just "f"ing dared him to reach out to me or take a swing. He was much larger than me, but he decided to pass on the invitation. I was as icy cold here as I was out of control two weeks previous.

You have plausible deniability too. "What, me? I was in my own world, I glanced at him but I wasn't staring". Anyway, I'm not trying to give you advice or tell you what to do. Just my thoughts on perhaps channeling aggression.

Anyway, I understand that sometimes, women tend to exaggerate the sexual prowess of former lovers to set the bar high for their current partners. This way, you feel the need to overcompensate when you cant reach this unattainable goal. They perhaps have no malice when they're doing this, so I'm not suggesting that Sarah was trying to hurt you.

No, really, she was recounting how her first guy had hurt her so bad. The whole story is somewhere back at the beginning of this thread. She didn't tell me his name, or say anything at all about him 'in bed'. He cheated on her, she caught him, so he told her having sex with her was like sleeping with a 14 year old (or something to that effect).

This was before we were married. I heard the whole story with names from one of our friends later. I never dreamed I'd ever lay eyes on this guy, but when she said his name I was stunned.

Have you considered that this could be your wife's way getting you to want to please her? Maybe so she feels special through your jealousy? Perhaps this extra attention holds the relationship firmly together? It flatters her and makes her feel loved?

I really don't know, but if it does it wasn't planned, it just happened.

I think a follow up question is, how have you both aged? Men age better than women, and sometimes, a woman that was once a fox is no longer as attractive. Has there been a power shift where you've gained the upper hand, and she was doing this to feel in control?

Small, I kid you not she's aged so well. She shows her oriental heritage a lot. She looks like an attractive little gal. She doesn't have flabby arms or floppy breasts or butt. 4 years ago a college aged guy hit on her at a Halloween party we were at. She left me alone sexually because she thought I wanted it that way.

Just a few thoughts. Hope you're well.

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  • 6 months later...

Sorry bout this guys. I've P.M.ed Legion and asked her and her friends if they'd keep questions and communications private and not keep bumping this old thread up.

Thanks to the person that e-mailed me and told me someone had been trying to get ahold of me. I do pop in here every now and then but it'd been a while since I'd dropped in.

Hope you guys are doing well.

John

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