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Gay 17 Year Old w/ Anxiety - Lonely Life.


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I'm Corder and I'm a gay 17 year old from a fairly LGBT friendly area. I recently came out to a few close friends, but for the vast majority of people - including my parents, they have no idea that I'm gay. My parents would be supportive, I just haven't found the opportunity to tell them - more on that later. I'm going to explain a bit about myself personality.

I suffer from crippling social anxiety, though I've never seen anyone about it. I find it incredibly difficult to make small talk, I can't go to parties, or really any large event with people, It just freaks me out. I'm incredibly self-conscious and find it difficult to talk to people, especially those my own age. I can speak to close friends - maybe 2/3 people, but even with them I wouldn't feel comfortable talking about myself really. If the people are around my own age, it's considerably worse - school can be a nightmare at times. I have to use the disabled bathroom, as I can't go the toilet in the mens room in the school, I'll just be standing trying to pee for 40 minutes to no success. I'll frequently break down into a nervous sweat if I'm asked to talk in class, and will actively avoid areas I know there are going to be people my age. I've pretended to be sick just to get out of going to events/parties.

I've never been in a relationship, with a guy or a girl. Whilst I have my social anxiety, I want that level of commitment/compassion - however, I'm consigned to my current life on loneliness. I wouldn't feel comfortable going to any clubs/parties, or even a group for gay teens, so it's unlikely I would have a chance to meet anyone - and even if I did, I probably wouldn't notice, as I wouldn't be able to talk to them.

Despite having a few friends, I'm still incredibly lonely. It hurts to see people go off to events, and have to pretend your ill as you can't face going.

Any advice?

Thanks for reading,


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Welcome to our community, Corder. :)

Social anxiety can be so painful to cope with. :( There was a time when I struggled with this myself, but I don't struggle very much any longer. What has helped me?

Challenging my fears, little by little. It isn't easy, but it does get easier with lots of practice. I have found it helpful to begin conversations about subject matters I have some knowledge in. It's a good ice breaker and it helps build confidence. Smiling a lot and projecting confidence has helped too. I used to think people didn't like me, but that was never really the problem. I was quiet and distance, which possibly left others feeling unsure about how to approach me. Also, it helps to know that everyone is human, we all have imperfections and insecurities. The people I had felt so self-conscious around likely were never focused on me, but rather were focused on what was happening in their own lives.

I don't know if any of this might help you, but I hope so. You mention you have not talked with anyone about your struggles. Would it be possible to see the school counselor? Possibly too certain medications might help in addition to talk therapy. Are you able to talk with your parents about this?

I recently came out to a few close friends' date=' but for the vast majority of people - including my parents, they have no idea that I'm gay. My parents would be supportive, I just haven't found the opportunity to tell them...[/quote']

Is this weighing on your mind as well? It's great that you feel supported by your parents. Maybe opening up to them about this would offer you some relief?

Take care.

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I suffer anxiety , especially in groups. Sometimes i consider the following thoughts:

First, you might aswell bask in your anxiety, let all the anxiety in, It will do yourself the favour of not having to get anxious about being anxious.

Next, be proud what you have to offer, if you have something to say, say it and mean it. If you don't have anything to say, which us anxious ppl often don't because we thinking instead, Don't worry about not saying anything. Don't pretend to be anything else than what you are--don't pretend to be an extrovert who talks for the sake of talking, not because they actually have anything to really say

finally, when an extrovert finally can no longer hold in all his or her talking guts --and lets out his or her apparent obligatory need to single you out of the group by pointing out the fact that you are quiet and not talking,, well, this moment is one which often infuriates and exaggerates the anxious mind, but in this inevitable moment, -- you must find a way to take advantage of this moment--although seem as though the group has singled you out and put you down, this moment gives you all the power to give judgment on the entire group, you can praise the group with all kinds of color and encourgemt if you like them, or if you don't like them, you can completely render them illegitimate. Just say what you are thinking, and try to have fun with it.

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