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Please help, I feel so alone and completely hopeless. A combination of being underweight, parent problems, and moving out?


SapphireMoon
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I really have no one else to go to, so I'm resorting to advice from strangers online. Here is the situation in a nutshell. PLEASE don't tell me I need to "get better" and "gain weight", etc, that is not what I need. I've dealt with anorexia for several years. My parents have supported me and put me through treatments. I finished an inpatient treatment 6 months ago and was "restored". I also got serious treatment for my depression. I have never felt better. I feel alive, ready to go back to school, continue with my job, interests, etc. I have, however, lost weight. I am considered underweight right now, but I love it. I am NOT obsessed with food, I don't starve, I don't do any damaging behaviours. It just kind of happened on its own. But I had tests done, I am physically FINE. Why should I gain weight? I don't care if my bones show. I feel great, I love how I look, I can function, I finally feel alive. I am 22 years old, I can decide what to do with my body. I love my parents so much, and I hate seeing them so hurt, but I honestly refuse to go back to rock bottom and become depressed and suicidal again by gaining weight and worrying over food. With that said, I'm looking to move out. It's terrifying and uncertain, and I don't know what to do. I can't go on like this. I love my parents, and know they love me, but they need to know that I don't WANT help, I don't WANT to be force-fed like a child. I've been crying for the past 48 hours...I am so lost....

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Welcome to the community, SapphireMoon. I think it's great that you got help for yourself and now you feel better about life. I agree that what you do with your body is your choice. You also choose whether or not to get more help. Can you express this gently to your parents? Does your doctor have any concerns about your weight?

I'm sorry you are feeling so lost. We are here listening.

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Hi there! It sounds like you have a mixture of feelings and you are a bit confused by it? You are happy with how you feel at the moment, but there are still many things that scare you. Can you tell something more about your life? How you grew up, what your interest are and stuff like that :) If you feel like it ofcourse!

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Hello, SapphireMoon, welcome :).

IMHO, how you feel and how you're satisfied with your life, including health, is much more important than your weight. The limits for "normal" weight are "arbitrary" (they don't "fit" everybody, I know it from personal experience). The exact weight or BMI aren't as much important as your overall health. So if I had to give you an advise, I'd say instead of starting to obsess about food or weight again, be just careful about your health, go to regular medical check-ups (I hope these exist also in the US... although I'm not sure who can have them for free there, probably not everybody :( ) and don't "forget" having enough vitamins, essential fatty acids etc. Perhaps your parents would take this "attitude" as a "compromise" - they surely are in fact concerned about your health, not the weight itself, so if you tell them that you'll be careful about your health, making sure you're not lacking anything essential, they might be less worried (?).

And... congrats to your big success!!! Recovering from anorexia is an admirable achievement :).

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Here's a question that might help clarify things a little:

How would you feel if you lost more weight, at this point? Whether deliberately, or it just happened, would it bother you?

I guess what I'm going for is, do you have a minimum weight you consider healthy for yourself.

Another point is that you attribute "rock bottom" and "becoming depressed and suicidal" to the need to gain weight. How did you end up in treatment, and how do you feel about what the treatment did for you (positive or negative)? It would be understandable that you may not have wanted to go into treatment, but if it didn't change your mind about the dangers of being underweight (and there are dangers), no wonder you're still underweight.

The difficulty is that there is little or nothing anyone (else) can do if an adult woman decides to starve herself, any more than a person can be kept from self-harming or any number of other dangerous activities. But at least if the person realizes there's harm in it, they may at some point seek to change it. The people around them just hope they see it before lasting harm is done.

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  • 3 weeks later...

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