It's kind of funny how women respond to SPS or any penis insecurity....

[nytaiji]

I asked because I was setting it up to throw it back in her face. We all know what their size preferences are. And its not us. No, I didn't tell her she ruined her chances. I took her out for dinner and drinks instead. Although I was short-changed in the dick department, I wasn't in the looks department. We ended up back at my place and we were making out when I stopped and told her I didn't want to have sex with her because I knew I wasn't her preferred size and I wasn't comfortable with that. Not before she was fully naked and I was going down on her though. She got extremely frustrated and almost angry at me. She tried every way she could to reason with me. She tried to convince me that she happens to prefer smaller dicks suddenly, even though, admittedly, larger dicks feel better. Lol. She left without getting fucked and she wasn't too happy about it. This is the way I've learned to cope. Revenge feels good.

[Resolute]

you know nytaiji,not to encourage or commend this kind of behavior or way of thinking,but perhaps not telling them that the reason is your penis size (or shape,....) might be a better idea.

[nytaiji]

Resolute, that's actually what I usually try to do. I kinda jumped the gun this time. I was a bit tipsy when I was texting her and I brought it up by mistake. It's the difference between making them feel bad about themselves, or making them feel bad for their size preference.

[Resolute]

Resolute, that's actually what I usually try to do. I kinda jumped the gun this time. I was a bit tipsy when I was texting her and I brought it up by mistake. It's the difference between making them feel bad about themselves, or making them feel bad for their size preference.

again,not to encourage etc.,but if you tell them it's the penis,or somehow imply it (or tip them off somehow),they might start treating guys with small ones badly too,or just develop a negative opinion of them (and if they already do,it will reinforce it).

[Guest Klingsor]

.

[Resolute]

The social learning theory hypothesised that humans restructure their behaviour depending on the type of environment they were in. Behaviourism put forward the notion that actions can be carved out using operant and classical conditioning.

These two psychological theories have some level of merit in as actions and behaviours could temporarily be altered. Psychologists soon learned that the effect on behaviours never enhanced people's cognitive schemas (way of thinking) or belief systems.

Meaning that people could adopt certain behaviours or attitudes on a short term basis without it changing their overall outlook on life.

The biggest influences on cognition is almost exclusively innate, shaped in early upbringing. It's fair to say that about 80% of who we are is determined by this. It's mostly nature + early childhood.

Those of you that have had experience with young children can attest to how different they are at a very early age l. They're not a tabula rasa ready to be molded by society. Most of what they can become is genetically predetermined, although the environment can hinder or facilitate some innate tenancies to a significantly small degree.

"Work hard you can achieve anything" is a tactical carrot that western governments dangle in front of their workforce. That's all we are to our countries, a workforce. We're manipulated into working our asses off to climb the corporate ladder vof society to benefit the country in which we reside.

so it's genetics,upbringing,and environment; so no free will at all? no actual choices/decisions at all? we're all just robots or puppets?

great,another determinist.

[Jessie]

you are all correct I guess.

its genetics + attitude + luck

you need all 3.

[Victimorthecrime]

You have an uncanny ability in failing to understand a viewpoint. So once again I'll talk you through it.

[Victimorthecrime]

Oh my God yes. Glad it's not just me. Is he a Troll or just not very bright??

[Resolute]

Psychologists and psychiatrists are both out to make money. They will tell you you're hopeless and you need their help and/or their medications. Most of these people are just studying and believing what someone else has told them, they don't actually know if what they learn is truth, they just believe it is.

in a nutshell,yes.

[u.r.what.u.is]

I just LOVE the "it's how you use it" theory. How the hell am I supposed to "use it" if I can't even get a CHANCE to "use" it? Being self-conscious and embarrassed about having a small penis puts a ridiculously low limit on how many "chances" you get. You have to be an amazingly strong person mentally to put yourself out there to say "fuck it" and approach woman without regards to what could happen when that woman sees such a small package is waiting for her. I certainly don't have that attitude - no matter how I wished I could be that way ...

I understand this. But I was almost thirty years old before I ever took my clothes off in front of a woman - who happened to be a virgin herself. And half that many years passed again before a new woman saw me naked (she was not a virgin). I have not been a player by any means. But to your point, yes, I have that attitude now.

EDIT: I just read your introductory posting with the story of your horrible Valentines Day. I would be no different than you in the same circumstances. I'm just lucky I have a little bit bigger package and have only been with women who have been helpful rather than hurtful.

[Resolute]

Oh my God yes. Glad it's not just me. Is he a Troll or just not very bright??

wow,you again?

i thought i told you to take your medication.

[Victimorthecrime]

I live in Irish/Italian Catholic community and there are still a lot of guys around I have known since childhood. Most guys have pretty much remained the same: if they were popular then they are popular now; if they were insane crazy ass MFers then they are so now, etc. The only time is have seen dramatic change has resulted from a serious medical illness. That is why, for me, the "biology is destiny" thing holds true. Of course there is more to it than that and of course people have free will in choosing their external actions but not in who they are. Just my view, don't mind opposing ones so long as it is based at least a little bit in what I actually wrote and not "no it isn't. Sarcasm, cheap shot, emoncon".

[Victimorthecrime]

I know this one guy, in college all he did was drink, party hard. After college meets a nurse in a bar, goes to law school at night, now he is a partner in a law firm. See from childhood he was a strong, smart kid and he could not change that even when he tried! People usually revert to form eventually.

[Resolute]

4- You have an uncanny ability in failing to understand a viewpoint. So once again I'll talk you through it.

Our genetics and early upbringing provide us with natural and innate tendencies. Our ability of free will largely rests within these. Some of us are born more aggressive, others more intelligent, and so on and so fourth.

An aggressive person can't choose to ignore his aggressive tendencies. His free will is the way in which he utilises that aggression. He can go out and hurt people, he can take up sports, but he will spend his life living with aggression.

For the most part, his upbringing determines how he is later "instinctively compelled" to use this aggression. If his parents were violent his psyche will be conditioned into accepting violence as a way of life. It teaches his most inner self that violence is acceptable and he will carry this with him forever. It will be very difficult for him to later control this violence as his instincts compel him to.

3- Please note here that the subconscious psyche stops learning new things very young. So it's permanently moulded by your early upbringing

His free will or decision making exists only on his conscious level which according to the consensus makes up 10% of his total psyche (This always learns).

This means that throughout his life, he will be using 10% of reasoning to control 90% of his instinct. He can choose to utilise his aggression positively at times but it will very frequently overcome him.

Society provides a set of rules for him to abide (SLT), and will teach him that if he hurts people he will be punished(behaviourism). His inner storm will influence him much more than society does, due to the forces I've described.

To summarise, we're given natural innate tendencies which is the most powerful part of who we are. Early upbringing teaches our nurtures our innate psyches. 2- In later life we can use reasoning to govern our natural tendencies but we can never change them. It's a constant struggle.

1- I find it sickening how uneducated laypersons attempt to discredit theories, models and ideas that have been developed and refined over centuries by the greatest minds in the world because they don't "believe that". Wake up!

1- greatest minds? is that so? these are the same great minds that brought us evolution theories; that humans were once fish and frogs and monkeys and god (sorry,if you don't believe in god) knows what the hell else?

2- says who? those same "great minds"?

3- the same quacks,sorry i meant "great minds" made that conclusion i presume?

4- you have an uncanny ability in not making sense,and contradicting yourself,which understandably,makes it difficult to understand what the heck you're talking about.

[Jessie]

I do accept the science bit completely…. but…

I have changed dramatically over the years…

I am tall and outwardly masculine and used to be outgoing and social and very happy..

I had a wonderful childhood…. blissful really…

Now I rarely leave the house and was recently dismissed from my job…. so people DO change…

and sometimes the shy retiring girl or boy can develop into a very successful and attractive adult.

I know what the stats say but there is scope for change … up to a point….

[Jessie]

resolute,

not being argumentative, (and I know USA is often more religious/creationist than the UK) but are you suggesting the theory of evolution is untrue?

[Victimorthecrime]

Jessie - my thoughts are that you do not need to change you just need to remove the thing that is preventing you from being the "outgoing and social and very happy" guy that you are.

[Resolute]

wow,i don't know where the ^$%* to start.

I live in Irish/Italian Catholic community and there are still a lot of guys around I have known since childhood. Most guys have pretty much remained the same: if they were popular then they are popular now; if they were insane crazy ass MFers then they are so now, etc. The only time is have seen dramatic change has resulted from a serious medical illness. That is why, for me, the "biology is destiny" thing holds true. Of course there is more to it than that and of course people have free will in choosing their external actions but not in who they are. Just my view, don't mind opposing ones so long as it is based at least a little bit in what I actually wrote and not "no it isn't. Sarcasm, cheap shot, emoncon".

i don't wanna get into a fight,so i'll reply respectfully.

just because you haven't "seen" something,doesn't mean it isn't true or possible,or that it doesn't exist.

And you have observed what the vast majority of psychologists believe. It's the absolute truth.

you yourself say "vast majority of psychologists",then you make a statement such as "it's absolute truth",or "consensus" etc.

and you wonder why i can't make heads or tails of what you say.

"Someone else" told them of results that were found in case studies, lab studies, naturalistic studies and meta analysis, that collectively involved thousands of participants.

The findings were then diligently scrutinised using statistical models to ensure that thr findings were not down to chance (P values). These tests would then be repeated by other psychologists to ensure that the conclusions previously drawn were accurate.

Psychologists in training are made to carry vout studies from start to finish under diligent conditions. Even I have carried out studies and I only have a Bsc degree.

So to say they "don't know if it's the truth but just believe it is" is absolutely ridiculous!

even if they tested millions of subjects,it still wouldn't be "absolutely ridiculous" to question their findings. scientists are constantly changing their minds and their interpretations of studies,and challenging conclusions or methodology of previous studies,specially those conducted by "the greatest minds".

remember what i said about logic? the basics of logic (and math etc) have remained unchanged and unchallenged for over 2300 years. now these are the actual "greatest minds".

I know this one guy, in college all he did was drink, party hard. After college meets a nurse in a bar, goes to law school at night, now he is a partner in a law firm. See from childhood he was a strong, smart kid and he could not change that even when he tried! People usually revert to form eventually.

i don't even know what to say man.

[Resolute]

resolute,

not being argumentative, (and I know USA is often more religious/creationist than the UK) but are you suggesting the theory of evolution is untrue?

jessie,you are a breath of fresh air,honestly (except when you post those depressing videos which i never watch).

i'm not suggesting jessie,i'm straight out stating it as "fact" that there's no such ridiculous thing as evolution.

of course if you disagree,i respect that,but i wouldn't mind debating it with you.

[Jessie]

Jessie - my thoughts are that you do not need to change you just need to remove the thing that is preventing you from being the "outgoing and social and very happy" guy that you are.

you want me to remove my penis!!!?????

[Jessie]

jessie,you are a breath of fresh air,honestly (except when you post those depressing videos which i never watch).

i'm not suggesting jessie,i'm straight out stating it as "fact" that there's no such ridiculous thing as evolution.

of course if you disagree,i respect that,but i wouldn't mind debating it with you.

if you are not joshing … are you stating this from a religious standpoint or from a scientific one?

ps many scientists, including those that support the theory of evolution, are very religious..

[Resolute]

you want me to remove my penis!!!?????

good one jessie,but please don't; just find a small-pussied chick abroad,and live happily ever after.

[Victimorthecrime]

No Jessie, just your condemnation of yourself about it.

[Resolute]

if you are not joshing … are you stating this from a religious standpoint or from a scientific one?

ps many scientists, including those that support the theory of evolution, are very religious..

both.

i'm no scientist,but if evolution was anything more than just a theory,not even one scientist would refute it.