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So, I've been going to this new therapist since August. I've been pretty candid with her. And in our last session she mentioned "oh, well you can always leave him" with regard to my husband. Which was kind of a shock to me - because none of my goals involve divorce - they involve trying to make me a healthy solid individual in recovery. I'm a rather till-death-do us-part kinda gal (barring abuse, and a few other of those sort of things). So, I was too in shock to say anything last week, but then this week session goes by and I decide to bring it up again. I wish I could remember if I told her if it upset me. But I brought it up and she was like - "thinking about it is scary." And I was like yeah... and I go on to tell her about how a feel about the whole through sickness and health deal - because my husband's been sick. And she carried on the sort of not now (which carried with it this weight of later).

I'm just kind of perplexed. I know I didn't share everything about the session above, but I don't know if I'm overreacting. And I don't know how to bring it up with her next time I see her.

Maybe just to write it out here:

I felt upset still by your comments last session.

I felt misunderstood. Separating was not a consideration for me, I am wondering why you alluding to it?

What I feel like saying, though I think it's too mean.

I feel like you put me into a cookie cutter. I feel less like your empathizing, and more like your going thought your experience and saying - oh - this is going to happen anyway. Might as well just prepare her for it. But guess what lady, I know the statistics for my situation. They are pretty grim. Most people in my situation do divorce from their spouses and I think that is ALL you are grabbing at while loosing sight of me as a person. It upsets me because I love my husband and we have been though crap together and we're still standing - and we're still working though our issues - individually issues and those that come from having a family. The things that upsets me most is that you've made me feel like I've missed some obvious thing in my relationship. You said it so nonchalant. I feel angry at you. And it makes that question of "how was therapy, honey?" really uncomfortable to answer when I trying to be honest. It tears at me. I feel upset with your choice of words.

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hi renewablecloud.

since i know nothing of your situation,i'm not gonna give any advice; i am with you however on not wanting to divorce or separate etc..

and i don't see anything wrong with those statements that you're worried about telling your therapist.

take care. i wish you and your family good luck and happiness.

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Most therapists are feminists and see divorce and even cheating as "the woman claiming her power" so that is my opinion as to why that advice was given. Pretty much "off the shelf" pablum

You have any proof to your claims?

So, I've been going to this new therapist since August. I've been pretty candid with her. And in our last session she mentioned "oh, well you can always leave him" with regard to my husband. Which was kind of a shock to me - because none of my goals involve divorce - they involve trying to make me a healthy solid individual in recovery. I'm a rather till-death-do us-part kinda gal (barring abuse, and a few other of those sort of things). So, I was too in shock to say anything last week, but then this week session goes by and I decide to bring it up again. I wish I could remember if I told her if it upset me. But I brought it up and she was like - "thinking about it is scary." And I was like yeah... and I go on to tell her about how a feel about the whole through sickness and health deal - because my husband's been sick. And she carried on the sort of not now (which carried with it this weight of later).

I'm just kind of perplexed. I know I didn't share everything about the session above, but I don't know if I'm overreacting. And I don't know how to bring it up with her next time I see her.

Maybe just to write it out here:

I felt upset still by your comments last session.

I felt misunderstood. Separating was not a consideration for me, I am wondering why you alluding to it?

What I feel like saying, though I think it's too mean.

I feel like you put me into a cookie cutter. I feel less like your empathizing, and more like your going thought your experience and saying - oh - this is going to happen anyway. Might as well just prepare her for it. But guess what lady, I know the statistics for my situation. They are pretty grim. Most people in my situation do divorce from their spouses and I think that is ALL you are grabbing at while loosing sight of me as a person. It upsets me because I love my husband and we have been though crap together and we're still standing - and we're still working though our issues - individually issues and those that come from having a family. The things that upsets me most is that you've made me feel like I've missed some obvious thing in my relationship. You said it so nonchalant. I feel angry at you. And it makes that question of "how was therapy, honey?" really uncomfortable to answer when I trying to be honest. It tears at me. I feel upset with your choice of words.

I don't think think this is mean in any way. You are just being honest towards how you feel about what she said. She is your therapist, so I think she can handle a bit of criticism (she has to, otherwise it's her bad).

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This is a good opportunity to learn about yourself through your interactions with your therapist. Her comment brought up some strong feelings in you and maybe it would be helpful to discuss your feelings with her and what they mean. Maybe you might print out what you wrote here and bring it to session with you?

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Yeah, and I knew exactly what you mean by feminist. And I think it really does describe her. And I was thinking it was an age difference, but that whole claiming power thing does hit it on the head. Especially because I am looking to be on a more even keel and not cower and shy away from things.

Love you guys lots.

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  • 3 weeks later...

Hi guys - It went well! I simultaneously started to read this book on co-dependency and everything kind of fell into place. Now to just try to keep on breaking my patterns of co-dependency, and I'll be doing pretty well.

I'm in the middle of a mini-dilemma, just now. So I'm just going to write it out and hopefully it will start making sense to me. One of my co-dependent features is to just take care of things with out really considering how it might effect me. Now, my husband just chipped a tooth and so we have to go get it fixed. Dentistry is, of course, gawd awful expensive. And so I told him to go ahead and make an appointment. Now, of course, I'm worried, like oh, I have to make sure I know how we'll pay for it and bla bla bla. So I'm the one that keeps the budget and what not - so it is my responsibility - at the same time I don't want to build up a resentment.

It's like. Okay, what's my responsibility? I know part of me is just nervous because I don't know what the cost will be. It's that unknown. But, at the same time, medical stuff has to be taken care of. Gosh, sometime all this stuff get so confusing.

Thanks for letting me share!

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