new here

[ycaljo]

Hi, I'm new here and I found this place by trying to search for ways to help my guy friend.  I realize his issues with having a smaller than average penis have caused a lot of problems in his life.  He and I have known each other for a lot of years and always hovered on having a relationship.  I've loved this man since I was a teenager and I could never understand why he never allowed a relationship to happen between us and he recently disclosed the fact that he has a small penis and he hasn't felt comfortable with himself and that was the problem the entire time.  I'm so sad that this is what kept us from being together because I truly, deeply, sincerely do not care about his size...I care about him.  I cannot figure out how to help him understand.  It seems like he thinks I'm lying to him and I seriously just want him to understand how unimportant it is to me and how much more there is to a relationship.  Anybody have suggestions?  BTW for background info, he and I have never been intimate (he is still a virgin) and I don't know the size of his penis.

[retsuud]

Hi there! Your love for him shows and that's great. Did he tell you himself he has a small penis? If so, I guess he wants to talk about it with someone and that's where you can try to help him. Keep talking to him and try to make him feel as comfortable as you can. We tend to get really introvert as the years pass by..

You seem like a respectful and honest person and that's probably the reason he told you his situation.

Hope you'll find some way to help him!

[CNL]

I don't know what to say as far as advice goes because, from what I've gathered, the only thing that can provide even a temporary boost in the confidence of a man with a small penis is an experience successfully pleasuring a woman with his penis. Words are useless because the internet and the media in general is too saturated with women who readily admit opinions opposite yours, and so however far a peptalk volleys him toward confidence he's bound to be sent flying right back in your direction by the next belittling remark he hears, and if it turns out that his penis really is too small to pleasure you and you're not there to hit the rebound, he'll just land in a place even worse than he is now.

Maybe you should push for a trial run in which you both agree beforehand that he will not use his penis, that way he doesn't feel pressured; that will do absolutely nothing to help with his SPS, but seeing a physical response from you and knowing that he was the cause in some way, whatever it is, might help bridge the gap between you two at least a little. I don't know what to offer as far as something to say, because I really do think words are useless for something like this. Who on this site hasn't heard a million women say they don't care about size? It does nothing.

[LaLa]

I cannot figure out how to help him understand. It seems like he thinks I'm lying to him and I seriously just want him to understand how unimportant it is to me and how much more there is to a relationship.

I also think talking about it is important, but... what about trying to convince him by "action" instead of words? Have you already tried to seduce him? Or to convince him he should give you a chance to show him you're not lying?

Good luck! I hope it will work out well for both of you... (It seems you're both lucky to have found "a soulmate"; now why not to benefit also from the other aspects of love?)

[someone555]

Hi, I'm new here and I found this place by trying to search for ways to help my guy friend. I realize his issues with having a smaller than average penis have caused a lot of problems in his life. He and I have known each other for a lot of years and always hovered on having a relationship. I've loved this man since I was a teenager and I could never understand why he never allowed a relationship to happen between us and he recently disclosed the fact that he has a small penis and he hasn't felt comfortable with himself and that was the problem the entire time. I'm so sad that this is what kept us from being together because I truly, deeply, sincerely do not care about his size...I care about him. I cannot figure out how to help him understand. It seems like he thinks I'm lying to him and I seriously just want him to understand how unimportant it is to me and how much more there is to a relationship. Anybody have suggestions? BTW for background info, he and I have never been intimate (he is still a virgin) and I don't know the size of his penis.

if its too small, you'll realize in your relationship that you cant be sexually satisfied so even though you love everything else about him, you'll look elsewhere to fill your sexual needs

and thats why girls are not to be trusted

[ycaljo]

Thanks for the responses, I really appreciate you all sharing with me because honestly this is just super difficult for me. To answer some of the questions...he did tell me himself that he had a small penis and he said he felt a huge relief telling me because it's obviously been the reason he hasn't pursued a relationship, for measurement purposes he referred to it as a "little smokie". Also I do not (at this time) live close enough to him to attempt to seduce him. However, I really loved the suggestion of deciding ahead of time to not use his penis the first time we are together. I am planning a trip to go see him around Thanksgiving and my original idea was, since it's his first time, solely focusing the pleasure on him, but maybe that's not a good idea since some of you mentioned he needed to satisfy a woman in order to feel good about himself?

Also, I don't know about anybody's past sexual experiences on this forum but to give you something to think about... I've only been with one person sexually in my life, he was a little less than 5 inches. He and I were together for nine years. We had a very satisfying sex life and I never considered stepping outside of our relationship EVEN THOUGH I never once orgasm-ed from intercourse. He used his hands and his mouth to pleasure me and it was fantastic. Our relationship ended because HE cheated.

[nytaiji]

My first piece of advice to you would be to get it out of your head that you will ever change his mind through words. Here's the bottom line for a lot of men....Does size matter? If it matters to him, then it matters. Telling him that it doesn't matter to you won't change the fact that it matters to him. In my experience, trying to change his mind will only lead to frustration on your part. Eventually you will grow tired of trying to convince him. It will never happen with words. Understand that, first and foremost. I'm not saying don't try to reassure him. But don't try to change his mind about how he feels about it. It's hard to say how to approach the situation without actually knowing his size.

[ycaljo]

I actually really appreciate that advice. I hesitated to say it didn't matter because I don't want to make him feel like his feelings weren't valid but it's really hard to keep from saying that. I will be extremely careful with what I say to him. I'm starting to feel like there is nothing I can say, I'm just going to have to wait until I can see him and then we can work through things in the bedroom. In the meantime I always tell him how much I love that he is not an arrogant man, and he is kind...stuff like that. I want to just have the right words to make all of his frustrations, fears, feelings of inferiority to go away but that's just like having clouds in my head I guess.

Relationships are so much more than sex and I'm going to work my butt off to make him feel like a king.

[nytaiji]

You might want to mention, instead of saying size doesn't matter, that you have no way of knowing if it matters or not cause you've only had one size, and that you have no intention of ever wanting to test the waters. Find out what his size is first though. If your ex was bigger though, don't bring up the ex at all.

[ycaljo]

A very good idea, since I really don't want to "test the waters". Thank you.

[u.r.what.u.is]

I hope you can help him. The women in my life, especially the one I love now, helped me overcome SPS, even though I did not tell most of them about my anxiety.

[ycaljo]

Oh that gives me hope! Any specifics about how they helped you?

[ycaljo]

Oh that gives me hope! Any specifics about how they helped you?

[u.r.what.u.is]

Oh that gives me hope! Any specifics about how they helped you?

Just by being themselves, I guess. I am average in size, maybe slightly below. And I am on the muscular side, so what I have looks a bit smaller - at least I thought it did. I told my first partner about my anxiety and she said I had nothing to worry about. But her lack of previous experience made me skeptical. Later partners of mine were very experienced women in their 40s, and I just approached them like I didn't have a worry in the world, and the sex has been life-changing. And now I'm in a fantastic relationship, much better than my marriage was. I feel like I have a huge one. I'm not the least concerned that it is just "average". In fact I'm grateful. I like how I am.

[u.r.what.u.is]

PS I realize that doesn't say much about what the women did. It just worked out for me once I decided to not worry. That doesn't happen for everyone, though.

[ycaljo]

Thanks for telling me, I feel like with time and patience things will work themselves out.

[nytaiji]

"PS I realize that doesn't say much about what the women did. It just worked out for me once I decided to not worry. That doesn't happen for everyone, though."

It certainly doesn't. My life experience has been the complete opposite. I was always perfectly fine with my dick and my sexuality. The statistical lies that doctors spread actually works to a degree I guess. However, real life experience woke me up to reality. As a result, I have "SPS". I use quotes because it's not a syndrome, and it's not in my head. I kind of find it offensive that the scientific community lies about stats, and then when we discover it's a lie they just dismiss our claims as being all in our head. It's insulting.

[nytaiji]

The medical community has acknowledged that SPS is a serious problem for a lot of men in society. Obviously there is nothing that can be done about the actual size of these men's penises, so is it really that much of a stretch to think that maybe they created this "SPS" issue to try to help? The ONLY way to even attempt to fix this issue is to convince the men that have it that its all in their head. And the only way to do that is by spitting out statistics about how big other men are. Do I think the numbers are skewed? Yes I do. And I think its done because its the only way they can even attempt to address this issue in society. But, again, the bottom line for me is what women think. And women have made it clear that they think I'm small.

[Resolute]

The medical community has acknowledged that SPS is a serious problem for a lot of men in society. Obviously there is nothing that can be done about the actual size of these men's penises, so is it really that much of a stretch to think that maybe they created this "SPS" issue to try to help? The ONLY way to even attempt to fix this issue is to convince the men that have it that its all in their head. And the only way to do that is by spitting out statistics about how big other men are. Do I think the numbers are skewed? Yes I do. And I think its done because its the only way they can even attempt to address this issue in society. But, again, the bottom line for me is what women think. And women have made it clear that they think I'm small.

i don't think they've made it clear; i mean maybe one or two of them did, but the others you were just hyper-sensitive (as you implied in some of your posts), which means you were just seeking an excuse.

[nytaiji]

Are you seriously telling me that you know about my history with women better than me? What makes you think that I was "just hyper-sensitive"?

[Resolute]

Are you seriously telling me that you know about my history with women better than me? What makes you think that I was "just hyper-sensitive"?

you mentioned in at least one post that after one woman made a comment you started paying "more attention" to their reactions and whatnot.

[Guest Klingsor]

Please. Good doctors don't "spread lies". All they can do is educate patients about what the most reliable scientific studies say.

Lol...I thought so. I had you figured months ago.

You're wasting your time, nytaiji. They pulled this shit with me too, and I'm in considerably worse shape than yourself. No amount of anecdotal or logical explication of your personal experience will make one difference here, nor will any of your attempts to explain the absurdities in the statistical reasoning. I have a suspicion that such an attack is viewed as a real threat to RogerJ's vocational integrity.

This entire board is nothing but a place for "bro's" with perfectly tolerable penises to "chill" and compare dick sizes to each other without the discomfiture of homosexual insinuations that come with overt and forward comparisons (visually comparing yourself to other naked men in situations).

We can dispense with the hypocritical notion that men come here because they want to "please" a woman, and that this all comes down to satisfying women. No man here gives a fuck what a woman says or thinks, they're just trophies to show off to other men - SPS is simply a pride issue and begins and ends with comparisons to other men, either directly or indirectly, because sexual prowess and manhood are inextricable identities.

[nytaiji]

There are plenty of scientific studies published in peer reviewed medical journals that completely contradict each other. Just because it's published in a peer reviewed medical journal doesn't make it correct. And I didn't realize that there was such a problem with people being afraid of falling off the edge of the world. Try using analogies that at least make sense.

[nytaiji]

I've said it before....I have been told by about 8 -10 females that I am small. It was not in anger. If you don't believe me about that then there's nothing I can say. But that is a large enough sample size to conclude that I am small in the eyes of a lot of females. I'm not dumb enough to assume that every female that thought I was small actually said something to me.

[nytaiji]

Only one was black. The rest were white.

It's hard to explain what my issue is about. I know women think my size is fine so I'm not overly worried about being rejected because of it. But I have a real problem knowing that they think I'm small.