this sums up how most "normal guys" get SPS

[someone555]

replace all the positive comments with "your big, i like your size", and replace the negative comment with "you're too small"

whether this comment came from a person or media, that is the ONLY one you will focus on. forever. and nothing will ever change your mind. thats how i feel

not so much a question or anything, but ive been trying to find that picture forever to post here and i finally found it. i think it really paints a clear picture of what many of us go through

[Jessie]

great cartoon- very telling of human nature…

ps i have never been told Im big…. meh…

I think my last proper GF said my size was ok- but then I read her diary to find she was (white) lying…. double meh…

[someone555]

Ya I've never heard big either. Even a "I like your size" or a "ya it's average" would be nice lol

[malign]

That's an interesting observation, 'someone'. Especially since the cartoon isn't about penis size, so apparently this dynamic of taking single rejections more seriously that multiple praises isn't limited to the size issue. That's important to me, because despite this being a common human reaction, not everyone handles it equally well. Maybe there's something to be learned from those who handle it better than others?

For instance, it seems likely that not every guy who has been told that he's small has had the same reaction. I think that's true even for guys who are the same size as each other, just to eliminate that variable from the discussion for the time being. Different guys react differently to rejection, even when it's rejection for the same "cause". What makes some guys come through it okay, and others develop a recurring problem from it?

Well, I'm sure some of you might say that it's the delusional ones who manage it alright, but I'm not so sure. At least, it's hard to argue that it's better to become dysfunctional.

Personally, I'm going to guess that the ones who react better are the ones whose experiences, and probably that's going to mean childhood experiences, gave them a more secure idea of who they are. That doesn't mean that guys who didn't get those experiences are doomed. It may mean instead that they might have to work harder to develop that security.

A man is not a penis, any more than a woman is a vagina.

What worries me is that I might have to debate the second proposition along with the first.

[Resolute]

A man is not a penis, any more than a woman is a vagina.

What worries me is that I might have to debate the second proposition along with the first.

yes, they have tits too .

just kidding of course.

[nytaiji]

That's actually true in my case. I don't handle rejection well at all. No matter what it is. I've heard friends make comments after a breakup along the lines of "we just didn't work out" or "we weren't right for each other". I've never thought that way after a breakup (assuming I'm the one being dumped). My reaction is always, "what did I do wrong", "where am I lacking", "why am I not good enough for her"? And I will get down on myself for a long time. It's not just about losing the relationship. It's also about losing self esteem as well.

[nytaiji]

However, I've heard a very compelling argument for the cause of that before. Granted its just a theory. But so is gravity. When children are fawned over by their parents at a young age they can develop a false sense of grandiosity. When you grow up hearing how great you are and how special you are, you tend to believe it. The problem is when they hit the real world and realize there's nothing special about them. Nobody is gonna put them on the same pedestal that their parents did. And its a very rude awakening. I think I read it in regard to the kid in California that killed some students because the women didn't give him what he was "entitled to" (his words).

[Resolute]

However, I've heard a very compelling argument for the cause of that before. Granted 1- its just a theory. But so is gravity. When children are fawned over by their parents at a young age they can develop a false sense of grandiosity. 2- When you grow up hearing how great you are and how special you are, you tend to believe it. The problem is when they hit the real world and realize there's nothing special about them. Nobody is gonna put them on the same pedestal that their parents did. And its a very rude awakening. I think I read it in regard to the kid in California that killed some students because the women didn't give him what he was "entitled to" (his words).

1- i really don't think that the actual existence of gravity is just a theory.

2- yes, if a child keeps getting overly praised, or praised needlessly, that would cause them a problem in the real world. being put down repeatedly during childhood will no doubt have devastating consequences as well.

[nytaiji]

1 - The existence, no. The explanation, yes.

2 - I agree. Balance is important.

[Resolute]

What's worse? Hubris or feelings of worthlessness?

even i don't know .

[modestman]

[deleted as possibly inappropriate for the forum]

Edited November 11, 2014 by modestman

[someone555]

I'm a bit amused to see that one of the speech bubbles in the cartoon that starts this thread is "Top Ebayer A+++"

I used to buy and sell a lot of stuff on Ebay. At first, the positive feedback and comments from other sellers and buyers made me feel good.

That is, until I discovered that they left the exact same word-for-word, seemingly-specific praise for hundreds of others!

In other words, "top Ebayer" is about as genuinely or personally flattering as a store cashier reciting "have a nice day" while handing you the receipt.

thats just politeness. politeness makes anyone feel good