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Politics is ruining my life


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I could describe this post in an elaborate manner, with rich and fashionable expressions abound, but I am choosing not to engage in that. It's too much of a struggle for me anymore to find the right word(s) to express myself, much less to form a unified coherent picture in the form of writing. My thinking is too tangential for that anymore.

I haven't posted on here in a while, but anyways, I have been diagnosed with Schizoaffective disorder. This disease affects my ability to think, read, concentrate, focus, and make sense of the world.

For a couple of years now, my mind has been totally devoted to nothing but politics. I'm obsessed about the American government, elections, etc. But I don't want to be this way anymore. My mind is also so extremely preoccupied with gender and sexuality, and I don't want to be interested in those subjects, (politics, economics, sociology, gender, sexuality, etc.) because they are not important to me, and they are not worthy enough. I want to be interested in medicine and biology again, like I used to be before my interest in Islam took a hold. But no matter how hard I keep trying, I just end up getting nowhere. I am now on 100mg Clozaril, 50 mg Topamex, and 30 mg Celexa, and nothing seems to have changed much. I just keep maintaining my old policy of suppressing the political, sociological, gender and sexuality related thoughts in my head so that they do not engross me so that I do not have a much bigger situation to deal with.

My plan originally was to starve these interests of mine, the political, gender, sexuality based interests, etc., into submission, by suppressing all of my thoughts related to them and cutting off any material from the outside that might possibly feed these obsessions. And also I just wanted to bomb these obsessions into submission, but I've employed these tactics for well over 2 years now and they haven't really gotten me anywhere.

I'm even ok if my new interest becomes religion, as long as it's not Islam (no offence but that religion really had a negative effect on me, personally speaking), but I would prefer another religion like Hinduism instead. I just wish I could be a believer in Hinduism even thought I'm an Atheist, not least because I incredibly love Hindu paintings. I just don't want to be interested in the stuff that I've mentioned above.

But even in the face of all that, it feels like my mind is like a desert, like there's nothing within it. I feel mentally empty a lot of the time, and increasingly so. And it's still hard for me to read and form unified coherent ideas in my head like I used to be able to.

I don't know what to do...I just don't know....can somebody please help me? Does anybody out there have real good quality advice that they can give to me, besides just generic semi-motivational mental slogans?

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I'm not sure that I can offer real quality advice, but I do wonder if you might be struggling with obsessive, ruminating thoughts?

You mentioned that your mind feels empty. Does anything feel self-connective? Have you tried deep breathing or any exercises to help you stay present and in the moment? Maybe relaxing activities would help you to loosen and free your mind of the thoughts you don't want (about politics, gender etc. )and just be?

Take care.

Edited by IrmaJean
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I would suggest finding a new area of medicine and biology to replace the obsession, instead of attempting to starve obsessions out. Taking things out of your life (AKA something to obsess over) is always difficult and mentally strenuous. Just find a healthy one to replace it with. I have done that exact thing with programming when I was obsessed with "feeling good." Might I suggest some research on mental states that effect healing time, or maybe probiotics that can be found/made within the home to alleviate mental states? Maybe even lifeforms that are resistant to electricity which can be used for rapid organ or tissue replication? You could also try microbes that express intelligence on a minuscule scale. Just some suggestions.

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