Guest Merkwürdigliebe Posted January 27, 2015 Report Share Posted January 27, 2015 . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Merkwürdigliebe Posted January 27, 2015 Report Share Posted January 27, 2015 . Victimorthecrime 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Resolute Posted January 27, 2015 Report Share Posted January 27, 2015 you know, skynight, it could be just differences between individuals, but to some of us, being invisible isn't acceptable. one person can distinguish himself by inventing something, another through making plenty of money, another by being athletic, another by being healthy, another by being smart, another by being a chick magnet, etc. etc.. but not standing out in any way, not having anything to set you apart from the pack, is unacceptable to some. and to some of those "some" it can't just be anything that sets them apart, it's gotta be something specific, and when they can't get it, or get anywhere near it, their "lives" essentially become hell. competition is a basic human instinct; perhaps not in the way klingsor sees it, but nonetheless, it is human nature, specially in men. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Merkwürdigliebe Posted January 27, 2015 Report Share Posted January 27, 2015 Ice Cream Man! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest glennj Posted January 27, 2015 Report Share Posted January 27, 2015 You either live on Sugarcandy mountain or you're a fucking troll. And if you really do live in MD, I suspect it's the latter.Good luck. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Merkwürdigliebe Posted January 27, 2015 Report Share Posted January 27, 2015 . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Resolute Posted January 27, 2015 Report Share Posted January 27, 2015 Competition is selling yourself short. You're also destined to be a loser if you're competing. Sooner or later it has to happen or you retire which in life, is basically someone opting out of the game. Don't be a gladiator, be the person who invented the colosseum. Success is above the competition, not a part of it. do you honestly think the person who "invented" the colosseum didn't care about recognition, or money, or women, or...? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Merkwürdigliebe Posted January 27, 2015 Report Share Posted January 27, 2015 . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Merkwürdigliebe Posted January 27, 2015 Report Share Posted January 27, 2015 . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Resolute Posted January 27, 2015 Report Share Posted January 27, 2015 Those things came naturally after the ambition of wanting to do something unique. The person who sits there obsessing about those things likely won't make it. I'm not saying not to care about money or women, but you don't need to compete for any of that. Most of the people competing for money and women don't have much of either. So how's it working for them? You think he sat there obsessing about banging chicks all day?i'd much rather bang chicks all day, than build the colosseum or discover electricity or.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Merkwürdigliebe Posted January 27, 2015 Report Share Posted January 27, 2015 . Victimorthecrime 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Victimorthecrime Posted January 27, 2015 Report Share Posted January 27, 2015 I suppose your other choice is to fake the bad boy persona and destroy yourself in the process, just for some sex.Now you're talking! When it come to success, achievement, the trick is to care enough to pursue your dreams but not so much that setbacks prove disastrous. That's what works best for me. Just sharing in case it helps anyone, not trying to be a preacher. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IrmaJean Posted January 27, 2015 Report Share Posted January 27, 2015 When I first decided to go to therapy, my first attempt was to connect with a therapist online. The first person I talked to told me he couldn't work with me because our world views were so entirely different. I eventually found an in person therapist who worked very well with me. There was one theory in psychology...I can't remember the name of it, but it dealt with mental constructs and how each person views things according to their unique and personal experience. There are a lot of different ways to look at things and view the world and "how things are." People will have different opinions and feelings and view things differently. People may also have different needs when they come to the site too.For the sake of pragmatism though, since you've insisted, sharing usually helps us process emotions that would otherwise become toxic if unexpressed.This is an important point, I think. Sometimes, this is my need as well...to express my feelings and feel heard. Others may hope to change thoughts and behaviors. It really depends on the person and what their need is and what works for them. My hope is that there is space for all views and space to try to support and understand each person's views and needs. This is not an easy task, for sure, but hopefully it is one way we can all help one another. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Merkwürdigliebe Posted January 27, 2015 Report Share Posted January 27, 2015 The first person I talked to told me he couldn't work with me because our world views were so entirely different. In what way, please? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest glennj Posted January 27, 2015 Report Share Posted January 27, 2015 That's what I was thinking. A therapist telling you they can't work with you because your world view is entirely different? isn't that like a doctor saying he can't help you because you're sick. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Resolute Posted January 28, 2015 Report Share Posted January 28, 2015 There was one theory in psychology...I can't remember the name of it, but it dealt with mental constructs and how each person views things according to their unique and personal experience. There are a lot of different ways to look at things and view the world and "how things are." People will have different opinions and feelings and view things differently. People may also have different needs when they come to the site too. perhaps small could be of some assistance here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Resolute Posted January 28, 2015 Report Share Posted January 28, 2015 That's what I was thinking. A therapist telling you they can't work with you because your world view is entirely different? isn't that like a doctor saying he can't help you because you're sick. no, it's more like a physician saying "you need a heart surgeon, and i'm an optometrist" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Merkwürdigliebe Posted January 28, 2015 Report Share Posted January 28, 2015 Pointless. Deleted. Victimorthecrime 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Resolute Posted January 28, 2015 Report Share Posted January 28, 2015 To sexually please a woman does matter. If you're with a woman then of course it does. That's not what I'm reading on here through. I'm reading that there are men here who don't just want to sexually please a woman, that want to be some type of sex god who all woman fawn over. That isn't normal, that is a sickness of the mind. I won't be having it that's it's normal for a man to be obsessing over needing to please a woman. To want to please a woman you're with, fine. To obsess about it or to compete with other men about that. Fuck that shit. Then who has the power? The women, not the two fools who are trying to compete with each other who can please the queen the best.And not all men live to dominate. Some men don't want to control or be controlled. The more you try to control or dominate someone you lose control, because you're giving effort to try and prove something to others. The only person to control is yourself and children if you have any. we could keep going back and forth, skynight, but we're not getting anywhere. however, i will say this, you're forgetting (or denying) that there are such things as individualism, genetic traits, different upbringings and childhoods, different value systems (religious beliefs, ethics, morals, principals, etc.), personal preferences and tastes, and so on. i'm not denying the existence of "normal" or "standard" in certain areas, but applying your very narrow definition of "normal" to everyone isn't realistic or constructive. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Resolute Posted January 28, 2015 Report Share Posted January 28, 2015 thanks mate, i'm gonna read about it some, online. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Resolute Posted January 28, 2015 Report Share Posted January 28, 2015 it's such a simple concept/theory, yet makes so much sense. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Klingsor Posted January 28, 2015 Report Share Posted January 28, 2015 Thanks, Small. Small 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IrmaJean Posted January 28, 2015 Report Share Posted January 28, 2015 In what way, please?It was late 2007 so I don't recall the specifics, but I don't think he told me in what way. I had written and expressed myself openly and discussed my feelings and struggles and he said he wasn't the right person to help me because of our different world views. I didn't mention it as in any way to be critical of him...I ended up finding a very good match for me with my therapist so it all worked out well.George Kelly, yes, thank you. I liked the Personal Construct Theory too, I think it makes a lot of sense. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Resolute Posted January 28, 2015 Report Share Posted January 28, 2015 IrmaJean I'm glad you found a therapist to talk to. I briefly saw a psychiatrist and a clinical psychologist when I suffered from schizophrenia. I found the experience fruitless. I musw be honest, I went in expecting guidance, advice and answers. All I received was an ear, and some motivation.I was pretty disappointed at this so I discontinued my sessions. I would like to see a therapist for less debilitating reasons, it would be nice to confide in someone that will understand me on a deep level. I've yet to do this though, and resort to talking to myself in the shower & whatnot. me too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
malign Posted January 29, 2015 Report Share Posted January 29, 2015 What do you tell yourself in the shower? Sometimes our own voices are harsher than anything we actually hear from others.And I know the reason for that, having felt it myself at times: we would rather hear bad things from ourselves before they "really" happen. Only, that makes it certain that you'll hear them, instead of just a risk of hearing them from others. That's a very difficult balance, because you also shut out the "risk" of not hearing them from others ... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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