Need to know for sure.

[SassyCassy]

So... I just need to get this verified.

(Is this the right board to post this on?)

I think it's just my anxiety, but I can't say for sure. Please help thank you.

(Note: The only mental disorders I have is OCD, anxiety, and depression. All professionally diagnosed, so not self-diagnosed.)

So, I have a fear of delusions, because I remember one time I didn't get enough sleep and I was playing a Pokemon game, and I swore they were "talking" to me, and I couldn't tell if it was real or not, and then I had a panic attack. Later on I realized it as fake, but at the time it seemed so real.

Ever since that day, I have had a fear of delusions.

A couple of days ago, I woke up around 2:40am, (I think I was still dreaming while I was awake) and the walls were pink with hearts and flowers around them, but soon it vanished and my room was normal again. (My room is blue, with a gold ceiling on top, and green dots between the blue and gold.) During that time, I was thinking weirdly. I thought my mom died, but I knew she wasn't dead, but it felt like she really was dead!!! Afterwards, I thought God was talking to me, but I knew He wasn't talking to me, but it felt real... I think I had a anxiety attack afterwards but I don't really know if it counts as a anxiety attack.

After I went back to bed, I woke up feeling fine and I knew they weren't true at all.

So it's weird, because at the time I can't tell if it's real, but afterwards I know it's fake. But they seem real to me, it's freaky.

Sometimes my anxiety (and OCD, I have OCD I don't know if that's playing a part in this but hey it's possible) makes me believe in things that aren't true. Like, for an example, if someone got hurt, I would feel sad, but my OCD keeps giving me that reoccurring thought that I actually DON'T care about this person and I should be ashamed and hurt myself.

I really hope this is just my anxiety/OCD, because if it's actually delusional thinking I'm going to cry. I can't have this it's too scary I can't deal with it.

Sorry if my post offends anyone.

After rereading this, I'm pretty sure it's just my anxiety. Just need to know for sure though.

[IrmaJean]

Cassy, I'm sorry you are feeling distressed about this. We are not particular here about what sub-forum to post in; the important thing is that you expressed yourself.

We can't know from here for sure what you have been experiencing, I don't think. I do think if a worry has become obsessive, the fear could cause a person to believe the very things that are feared. It's possible too that you were not fully awake. I know I have experienced some strange things myself when I was in a half-asleep state. Can you talk with your therapist about this?

In the meantime, try not to allow the fears/thoughts to attach in your mind or give them too much energy. They are only thoughts. I do hear you that this feels frightening. How are things for you otherwise?

Take care, Cassy.

[malign]

Quite often, OCD functions by seizing on some particular thing that we think is "bad" (I've heard quite often from people frightened of being pedophiles or psychopaths, for instance), and wondering whether we're are that thing. So it's significant that of the mental disorders you listed, delusions are the ones you're afraid of having.

You may be having them ... but if so, they're pretty mild. Many people have such passing sensations. Still, it makes sense to check with your therapist/psychiatrist, because even if you're not having delusions, you're activating your anxiety and obsessive tendencies more than you would want.

[SassyCassy]

ImraJean - I agree. It happened before with people. I really hope that's what it is, instead of me being actually delusional. I can't she hasn't called me yet, she was supposed to schedule an appointment with me and she never has. I should call her though.

I'm doing good otherwise!!! Nothing else.

Malign - Yeah, I've read up about it online. It's really sad.

True. I'll mention it to her once I get an appointment with her.

(I really hope i'm not delusional that's scary)

[IrmaJean]

I'm glad you are doing good otherwise!

I think calling your therapist to schedule an appointment is a good idea. Try, if you can, to not get your mind spinning about the possibilities. That's one way anxiety can really flare up. I do that too sometimes so I know it's not always easy.

I hope your session with your therapist goes well. Take care, Cassy.