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m.allen
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Thanks for the input resolute. I wouldn't even dream of doing anything like this again. I think I'm just going to look for long term relationships from now on.

I've come around to the idea recently that killing myself isn't the answer here and that it's time to stop half-living, so I need to work on moving on and being a better person and really putting in that daily effort to do so. It's just hard for me to feel good a lot of the time. Maybe I have to earn my respect again.

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I just want to say that you should focus on the fact that she was willing to have sex with you just before she passed away. So according to me, what you did, does not constitute as rape. And I am also not saying that that was a right thing to do. Its a grey area, and I understand it can be very difficult to control your sexual urge when you are in a situation like that.

Also, since your past behavior has been tormenting you for years and you deeply regret it, it shows that you have a conscience. And people with a good conscience are most worthy of living a long and happy life. And I am not just saying this, I truly believe in this statement. So get over the incident my friend. You are a nice person; I don't need any other proof.

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I'm not going to lie to you, you did a bad thing, yes, and you should never do it again. But you did not cause psychological harm nor physical harm this girl will never know what happened, and she consented to foreplay. You shouldn't hold onto this, it doesn't make you a bad person, we all make mistakes, and much worse ones than this, a lapse in judgement. A mistake made in a half drunken state in a foreign country with is NOT worth ending your life over. It never will be. You are a good person, and the fact that you feel guilty over something I imagine a lot of people wouldn't bat an eyelid over shows that, you care. You have the chance to lead a fulfilling life, to make yourself and others happy. Sometimes we just need someone to tell us it's okay, and if it helps, I forgive you, I give you permission to forgive yourself, you are a good person who made a bad decision, but the only person who is suffering is you, and it's time to let go. Forgive yourself.

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Sometimes I worry though, did I care at the time?

Right after it happened I thought it was the most shameful thing I'd ever done, but I didn't make a huge deal about it. At the time I did have a lot of other things on my plate though and I was probably scared, but I know that for a long time after it happened I reassured myself that it wasn't so bad and didn't do anything about it, even though I was very ashamed of it.

It wasn't until this past year that I really dug it all up, tried to find her and really contemplated if I deserved to live or be happy.

Given that, do you still think I should forgive myself? I feel like I believe in my heart I'm a good person, but I have doubts sometimes.

yes, damn it, forgive yourself already :P .

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Forgive yourself already. I am sure that she has had men do MUCH worse things to her than what you did.

She was already willingly in bed with you, no ?

There are very few things (maybe nothing) worth committing suicided over, and this incident in your life is definitely not worth it.

Next time, just try to have sex with willing (and awake) women.

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It's a common question, and has the potential for being misunderstood, but I'll use it anyway: If you're wondering what the right thing to do would be, you could ask yourself, "What would Jesus do?"

Personally, I think he'd be on the side of forgiveness.

If you're asking yourself, instead, "What would Yahweh do?", then about all you can do is run for cover, because the lightning bolts are already on their way.

What I'm saying is, you (and really, no one else but you) gets to decide what "the right thing to do" is. Quite often, though, the hard part is then to do what you decide.

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Christians believe that Yahweh and Jesus are of the same substance Malign.

Malign mentioned Christianity, if you are interested m.allen I would discuss my understanding of the good news with you if you private message me.

Being repentant means turning away from ever doing it again, the rape fantasy is of concern because it might indicate you are not really repentant.

Jesus teaches that repentance and forgiving trespasses by others against us is necessary to receive forgiveness for our own trespasses, we also have to believe he is the son of god and that he died for our sins.

I will say that god is love and can forgive anything, his invitation to become one of his children is open to all people while they still live.

For example before St Paul converted he took part in the killing of St Stephen, and despite his flaws he went on to be influential in the faith.

Christianity teaches that if you refuse salvation you will go to hell.

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  • 2 weeks later...

mts I think I can speak for myself and for others on this forum when I say that your posts are appreciated even when they contradict or challenge us. Your views are always welcome. I always like reading what you have to say.

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  • m.allen changed the title to ...

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