Been alone for quite a while...

[EtherealSkies]

Hey... Just wanted to send a shout out to everyone who lives a lonely life like me.

I am pretty drunk as I type this, so I'm gonna take my time and try to spell everything right

I guess I'm posting here because I don't really talk to anyone about this kind of stuff.

To start off, my penis, erect, is about 5 and a half inches and a decent girth I guess. But, I can't help but feel super self concious about it. I know it is basically classified as "average". Somehow, it doesn;t make me feel better about it. I read a lot of posts on here where people say it ruined their life and stuff like that, and I can totally sympathise with that. I wouldn't say that ,y life is ruined just yet, but I feel as though I'm heading in that direction.

I just turned 25 years old and I've only had one girlfriend. Since I was about 13 or so, I thought that my penis was small. I now know, that that is mostly because of porn.

A little info or background about my previous and only relationship so far... Kinda fell in love with this girl when she was my friends girlfriend. I kept my feelings completely secret from both of them. They eventually broke up. I tried to console both of them after the fact, but my guy friend became distant and wouldn't really talk to me. The girl told me that she had feelings for me and I told her that I did as well. We ended up dating.

In the beginning, I was very shy and hesitant to do anything sexual because I was worried about the size of my penis and my weight (I was around 260lbs and 5 foot 11, so not super fat or anything, but self concious none the less). She made me feel good about myself and made me feel loved. We had plenty of sex in the early stages of our relationship, having sex up to 2 or 3 time a day. She eventually moved in with me and it was probably some of the best times I had in my life. I was 18 at the time and had no idea about how the world worked and such. I would go to work everyday and she only had a job for about a month out of the two years we were togeather. My ankle was all messed up so I was half crippled, but I went to work anyway. ( I am flat footed and it went untreated for many years and eventually lead to my ankle structure being all messed up, I dunno, medical stuff). I didn;t have enough money for a car, so I biked to work everyday. I am from Nova Scotion, Canada, so I even had to bike everywhere during the winter. She just played World Of Warcraft all the time and eventually didn;t really seem to care to much about my strugles. Anyway, she eventually became distant and said that I was "desperate for sex". We had a lengthy conversation about my need for sex and I didn;t think that having sex a few times a week was that crazy to propose or whatever. She basically said that I seemed too needy in the sex department. I said fine, I won't initiate sex anymore, I went 3 or 4 months without saying, doing or initiating anything of a sexual manner. When I finally tried to talk to her about it 4 or 5 months later, she complained that that was all I thought about. Note. I hadn;t mentioned anything of a sexual nature for multiple month prior to this. I ended up braking up with her because I felt like I was being used for my money. ( I was living at her mother's place at the time. paying for all of the groceries, the internet/phone bill and part of the mortgage on her mom's house.

Anyway, I ended up breaking up with her because I felt like a tool. While it lasted, I felt accepted, loved etc.. All of that. But after the relationship, I felt like I was used. The entire two years we lived togeather, she worked for about a month. Basically at the end of the relationship, I felt used. She got her hooks in me with her love and kindness, and took advantage of my generosity. She always said that she loved me as I was, my weight, my penis size, everything. But by the end of it, I was left with a sense that she was using me for a place to live/ security or whatever. I felt lied to. She became so distant towards the end and I feel like I became just as her boyfriends before. People who only wanted her for sex, according to her. I knew then, and I know now, that she was a manipulator and wanted me to think those things. I know I am a nice guy and I wouldn;t want any woman to be just a sexual object or however you would describe it. I know I am a hard worker and it's not my fault that she lost interrest in me...

Anyway............It's been over 5 years since I broke up with her and I've been alone ever since. I just wanted to share that with someone and I figured this is as good a place as any. Thank you to whoever read this and I'm sorry if I misspelled some words, for I am intoxicated at the moment. I find alcohol makes me feel good... I have been alone, and without sexual contact for the past 5r years or so.

People tell me that I am funny and charismatic. But truly, I always feel ashamed of myself and self concious. Even when female friends invite me to lunch or a movie or something, I feek ashamed and scared. Hopefully I am making sense right now to someone. I feel so good when I make people laugh, but any mention of sex or sexuality makes me feel depressed. I'm, sure some of you guys know what I mean by that.

I hope to someday find a woman whome I can love and be with. But for now, I live a life of loneliness and depression that nobody knows I live.

[someone555]

ya this chick had nothing to do with your penis size. she's just a bitch. and definitely just a lazy user, should be obvious by the remarks she made to you about the sex. i'm glad you were wise enough to get out of it

I could have married a few different girls by now, and they all said they didnt get enough sex. and my size is smaller than yours! so dont let your PERFECTLY AVERAGE penis size from holding you back

I'm the same way in that i rely on my humor to feel important around my friends, and I am also 25 years old. ALSO CANADIAN (BC, not NS)

dont feel insecure or ashamed or scared about anything. your height is tall, you have a 260 pound muscular frame. and whenever you go out on a date, just remember, 50% of guys in the world have a smaller dick than you

[Guest glennj]

Yeah you're definitely letting your head mess with you. Perfectly normal penis. You didn't say anything in your post that would even suggest why you feel insecure.

Did something else happen in your life that would lead you to feel this way?

[EtherealSkies]

Thanks fellas. Nothing really "happened" to me. I was just very shy as a kid and just liked being alone. Grew up in a pretty small town and I of course loved my friends from school, but the rest of the people I never really connected with. I feel like my father and uncle instilled some good values into me like honesty and kindeness and stuff like that. But as I grew up, I started seeing the selfishness and cruelty of people not only in my town, but around the world. I always just felt like a black sheep around there ya know, like I didn't belong.

Anyway, back on track.. I didn't worry about my penis at all until around 14 or so when I started to watch porn regularly. Kinda planted the thought in my head that mine was too small, but still didn't pay it much mind. I guess that thought grew over the years. My girlfriend assured me that she loved my penis the way it was, and I believed her. For the 2 years we were togeather, I didn't worry about it at all. I stayed with her for about 6 months after she said she was done with sex and we grew further and further apart. She made me think that it was all my fault and the insecurities started creeping back in. I know now that that was not the case, she was just someone who used every man she dated for a place to live, food and internet, really. (Side note, Those last 6 months I moved in with her mother so I ccould help her pay for her house and buy them all groceries while I was on EI. Spent every last penny of mine to help her mother out instead of paying off my student loan. Ah well, I'm a bit wiser now becasue of all of that I think.)

I figured it was easier to live alone, than fear the time it's over (Sonata Arctica quote). After I left her and moved back in with my mom, I realized that she lied to me about so many things. It was a relationship where I gave gave gave gave but didn't get anything in return. It's good that I left for sure but I started to question myself. If she lied about most thing, maybe my penis size was inadequate to her too. But like you guys say, I'm average so I shouldn't feel ashamed, but for some reason I do.

There was one woman who I wanted to date. We were great friends and I found her to be very attractive. We got along great and shared many, many of the same interests. But when I brought it up, she let me down gently. Friendzoned Ah well, I still think she's awesome.

I have trouble organizing my thoughts most times, but thanks to anyone who is reading this. It's nice to have an outlet about these kinds of things. I do feel much better than I did last night.

[Guest glennj]

I seriously doubt she had any problem with your dick. Doesn't sound like she had much enthusiasm for anything.

You should just keep plugging away at it. Find someone who is a bit more in tune with you. The shyness can be a hurdle I know. I face that one myself although I'm getting better at it.

Comparing yourself to porn stars is bad of course. You were young so probably didn't realize the impact it would have.

[u.r.what.u.is]

Dispose of porn completely. I have the same size penis as yours. Mine is also very small when flaccid. But porn is what killed me for decades. Not just because it made me insecure about size, it also gave me ED. Thankfully the ED had gotten a lot better after a number of months away from porn. .. even though I was addicted for 30+ years.

Edit...I read your post more carefully and I'm not sure that porn is such an issue for you. And if you're outside of a relationship i know you need some release. But along with all the other advice you get, try not to look atporn more than once every couple weeks if you can hold out.

[EtherealSkies]

Dispose of porn completely. I have the same size penis as yours. Mine is also very small when flaccid. But porn is what killed me for decades. Not just because it made me insecure about size, it also gave me ED. Thankfully the ED had gotten a lot better after a number of months away from porn. .. even though I was addicted for 30+ years.

Edit...I read your post more carefully and I'm not sure that porn is such an issue for you. And if you're outside of a relationship i know you need some release. But along with all the other advice you get, try not to look atporn more than once every couple weeks if you can hold out.

Thanks for the reply Nahh, porn isn't my issue, I was just saying that I think that that is where the insecurity came from. I've just been alone for 5+ years. I'm so used to being alone and depressed that it's become a part of me ya know. I'm sure I'll eventually come around and get my life together. For now though, I'm just gonna keep on working and living day to day and see what happens.

[Perseverance]

Thanks for the reply Nahh, porn isn't my issue, I was just saying that I think that that is where the insecurity came from. I've just been alone for 5+ years. I'm so used to being alone and depressed that it's become a part of me ya know. I'm sure I'll eventually come around and get my life together. For now though, I'm just gonna keep on working and living day to day and see what happens.

Man, i wouldn't have that day to day attitude. You gotta shake it up brother. Do you go to the gym? hows your diet? thats always a good fix for feeling depressed if you commit to it. When i started lifting and running about 6 months in i started realizing "damn im starting to look pretty good" i def felt more confident.. still i realized my dick is small but i was happier and more willing to talk to girls.. it helps big time.. its a damn shame you're not getting any ass, your sure as hell should be.