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I have run out of hope. My body is so messed up it is pathetic. Been hoping to die like my only friend I had died about two years ago now. Been trying. I am so post to get the pump in me refilled that puts pain meds onto my messed up painfull back. I am just a 380lb monster. Only woman that has had anything to do with me lives so far away it does not matter. All I have in my life is PAIN. Love? I know what hate is. I have three sisters and two brothers and a mother died hating me. I haven't been taking my meds lately. . now my mind is drawing a blank and gets hard to think. I don't know just dont know

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