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Advice for a lady please


Bettina
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Not all posts from women are fake. I try to take people at face value absent evidence pointing otherwise.

Regardless of his penis size situation, if he has not had a long-term relationship before, he lacks experience in starting and sustaining one. He is terrified of being humiliated and rejected.

If penis size is a factor, and it probably is, I don't know what to advise you about approaching it.

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Hi again. I am real and really a female. lol. No idea why anyone would write that much 'made-up' detail, but maybe I am naive.

Ycaljo- could you please direct me to where I can find your post and the answers you got? Or your advice from your experience would be great too.

Thanks

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Bettina-I'm sorry I didn't respond with a better answer earlier, I've had a very strange work schedule for the last couple of days but I've got a couple of minutes and I wanted to offer some thoughts.

Our stories are so similar but there are also some differences and I think every person is different and you have to feel comfortable with your thoughts, decisions, etc so please take my thoughts at face value and if you don't agree or desire my advice, my feelings will not be hurt.

From your message, I came to the understanding that you have had sex with your guy before you knew he possibly had issues with his size? My guy actually talked to me about his worries before we ever had sex together and I think it was better that way because we were able to work through stuff together, and I think the biggest thing we worked through was the fact that he was incredibly worried that he could not please me in bed. I'm not sure about your experience, but I wonder if he feels he did not perform well for you. This could be why he hasn't wanted to spend the night with you since.

Also, over the last 8 months or so while working on this relationship, there have been a few times when I just wanted to throw in the towel. He would say all kinds of wonderful loving things to me, but then he would pull away emotionally and I would think he didn't truly care. I think the best lesson for me has been to truly take the words he says to heart and when his actions don't back up the things he is saying, I have to remember how very difficult this is for him. And remind myself of his feelings for me.

I absolutely love him and I'm not sure if your feelings for this man have blossomed into love, but for me love is about the other person's happiness. When I would get frustrated or upset by how things were progressing between us, I would just remember to be patient, because love is being patient and kind and understanding when the other person is struggling and this struggle is very real and very difficult for him.

My biggest piece of advice for you is this...(and this advice was given to me by the guys on this forum and I am forever grateful because it has saved my relationship)...Never de-value his issues by blowing them off or saying everybody has problems. His problems are absolutely real and important to him. If you try to make it seem like it's not a big deal then it is similar to saying you do not care about his problems.

The truth is everybody does have problems and we're all dealing with our own demons but that doesn't take away from how important or debilitating this is to him.

If you love him, be patient.

Best wishes to you and if you ever need someone to talk to message me anytime!!

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Thank you Ycaljo.

Thank you Resolute.

I really appreciate your time and advice. I am going to keep trying.

Great advice on not dismissing. Just don't know how to bring it up now without seeing him again, but also don't know how to convince him to see me again.

Trying to think of a tactful way…. I think its often about timing though - I feel I have to be ready when he is ready to talk. But my fear is that my lack of response or wrong responses initially mean that he wont try to talk with me again. Yes, I do love him, and I also remind myself that no matter how painful it is for me at times, it must be so much worse for him.

I am very happy for you and admire that you were able to make it work. Can you tell me- how is it now for you- he is more secure? Does he still pull away emotionally?

Does being consistent, caring and repeating the same message (i.e. that I want to be with him) over and over again work? Am I really being caring or am I just being a doormat? Can I tell him that I feel hurt when he pulls away?

Thanks so much.

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Can you tell me- how is it now for you- he is more secure? Does he still pull away emotionally?

Does being consistent, caring and repeating the same message (i.e. that I want to be with him) over and over again work? Am I really being caring or am I just being a doormat? Can I tell him that I feel hurt when he pulls away?

Thanks so much.

no, he will always have the fear and thought (so much so that it's reality to him) that you're out getting boned buy some bigger guy. and because of that he will never trust you

true story

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>>snipped<<Further, I think we'd all agree that he doesn't want to know that you're "fine" with his size; either because of his other attributes or your moral standing and priorities. He wants to know that he can satisfy you sexually. So if you can find a way to get that across it might help.>>snipped<<

Gold.

No guy wants to think he's the biggest sexual compromise his lady has made, someone she's 'settled' for.

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No guy wants to think he's the biggest sexual compromise his lady has made, someone she's 'settled' for.

i'll add that this applies to most, if not all physical attributes. of course for some, it applies to other things too, but that's another matter.

ps, nice of you to grace us with your occasional visits, john. ;)

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Gracing's not what I'd call it. I do come by regularly and read what's on you guys minds. I try to keep my big mouth shut most of the time.

come on, we need you here. we don't get many ladies, so you'll have to do (since you have a "big mouth" and write like a gal). ;)

you have to forgive me john, it's just that i have a lot of repressed humor, and i gotta take it out on someone. so who better than you? :)

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