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Introduction: I'm John Lucas & I want to add new perspectives on this issue


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Hello everybody.
My name is John Lucas & I have been studying self-image issues as a hobby for about 15 years.
I have discovered that people's sense of self can either help them fulfill their inherent potential or doom them into an abyss that destroys that potential altogether.
This world is not getting any better until we stop destroying people's potential.

ALL people are valuable & ALL people matter.

Take it from a Black man like myself who has SEEN the benefits of positive self-image in my own community.
When Blacks were viewed (and are STILL viewed) as dumb savage beasts worthy of contempt & subjugation but we had magazines like Jet & Ebony showing our intelligence & beauty.
We had the Black Is Beautiful movement where our natural hair textures & skin tones were celebrated. The power of the Afro.
Bill Cosby was one of many pioneers who put out a POSITIVE media image through his Cosby Show of the 1980s.

IT WORKS & I'm living proof of those positive messages creating a counter-narrative to the steady drumbeat that you're unworthy, unvaluable, & disposable.

Media means message. The medium is the middle. The go-between within two points.
When you play tin-can telephone, that wire in the middle is what transmits the message between speaker & receiver.
That go-between, that middle, that medium is ENTIRELY important.
So it's time to help put more positive messages on that medium, on those mediums, on those media.

So why am I here to talk about the issues that men with small penises face?
Why this issue of all issues to discuss?

It's because I have discovered that this is one of the most difficult issues to solve & that most discussion on this topic is frivolous.
Nobody is really making sense out of this & it keeps you guys in a constant loop of paranoia & uncertainty.
I want to end that paranoia & uncertainty.
I want all the vague nebulous platitudes & half-thought out pep talks to be replaced with CONCRETE DEFINED PRACTICAL SOLUTIONS.

CLARITY. This is what you guys are missing which is why many of you can't quite get past this issue.
And because you can't get past it, your potential is halted. You're not able to live life openly & joyously like you should.

Years ago I thought I had the master key. The ultimate answer to EVERY self-image issue ANYWHERE.
But listening to the accounts you guys tell, I found out that I had MUCH MORE work to do.
And surprisingly it will be through your struggles that I will find the antidote to ALL self-image issues.

See, I used to study women's self-image issues at first. And there are plenty to be had.
When I was a teenager, they used to have all those talk shows on TV with topics about bulimia, anorexia, weight complexes, breast complexes.
Sally Jessy Raphaël, Jenny Jones, Ricki Lake, Geraldo, Donahue, Montel Williams & so on.

I had once thought these women were WEAK to let others put them down like that & then take those put-downs to heart.
At school kids made fun of my nose & I could shrug it off giving the trash talk right back to them like nothing.
I once thought it was harmless teasing & that no one should take it seriously.
So seeing those women & girls distaught over stuff like this made me think of them as weak.

But once I got past seeing things from my own point of view & took a step in another's moccasins, I found out quickly that I was hasty & harsh with my initial judgment.
At the supermarket checkout counters are those endless "women's magazines" with a lady on the cover holding the waistbands of her pants way out in front with a big smile on her face.
And the words all over the front page saying stuff like "Learn Now How To Lose Weight Fast!" "Drop Pounds With This New Diet!" "Guaranteed Weight Loss Or Your Money Back!"

I kept seeing these magazines & I said "Well NO WONDER women have all these hangups about their weight!"
The steady drumbeat of those media messages will weigh down on anybody & have them feeling bad about themselves.
After seeing this it didn't take long before I noticed how the culture in general contributed to women's self-image crises.

Media isn't just those magazines, TV shows, & movies.

Media is also those day-to-day conversations & interactions with other people.

When a friend of yours smiles & congratulates a fellow friend about looking so good when she lost 5 pounds or doing the same as they comment on how that black dress makes her look so slim...

...When that same friend puts on the disapproving quizzical smirk when you savor that cake or doing the same when you want to wear this daring outfit because she thinks it'll make you look fat.

It's not just the OVERT messages but it's also the SUBTLE messages that weigh on a person's psyche.
In fact the SUBTLE ones create the foundation that allows the OVERT ones to topple a person's sense of self.
The Subtle ones are actually MORE deadly.

So once I joined the internet world in 2001, I started studying forums. Lurking & listening to women's experiences through their own words.
Women won't be as honest in mixed company but when they're talking amongst other women, you are able to get a glimpse of the real story in all the gory details. Details that can only be spoken by someone who lived through the pain.
Forums are goldmines of thought in my opinion & are not NEARLY as valued as they should be. They're TREASURES.
I used to listen in at forums like Sister Street & Dimensions Forums absorbing every account & experience women went through with each of their complexes.

At the same time I would also try to come up with original observations & work out original solutions as I heard these stories.
People have the tendency to parrot. To say clichéd things. Monkey see Monkey do, you know.
You hear different people saying the same thing & never quite hitting the mark on their intended words of comfort.
They mean well & they're trying to help but they're ineffective when they regurgitate empty thoughts & empty solutions.

If it's not A then it's B, so I tried to come up with as many C's, D's, E's, F's, G's I could find.
To put something into a perspective no one quite considered which would hopefully inspire new thought & new solutions.
After awhile I got so good at this that I made up a hypothetical life journey of how a woman would feel growing up with a certain complex & a woman on the forum told me that was EXACTLY what she went through & that was EXACTLY how she felt.

For a man to be able to come up with a hypothetical story understanding a woman's struggle is really something.
A man has different struggles than women do so he shouldn't be able to get it that pinpoint.
He may get parts of understanding but he would always be on the outside looking in on some aspects.

That's why I thought I had the key.

I thought that it was all about having each type find their appreciative audience to dispel the complexes.
When you're a woman with A-cup breasts but find a community of enthusiastic A-cup lovers.
When you're a woman with hair on her arms but find a community of hirsute lovers.
When you're a woman 6'9" feeling awkward but find a community of amazon lovers.
When you're a woman weighing 450 pounds but find a community of BBW lovers.

To know that this won't just apply to physical characteristics but mental ones too.

When you're a woman who likes J-pop in a town full of country music lovers but can find that J-pop fan in your town.
When you're an introverted woman in a city full of extroverts but can find that introverted companion who understands.
When you're a cerebral thinking woman in a town full of simple-minded thinkers but can find that intellectual counterpart in your town.
AND when you're a simple-minded thinker in a family of smarties but can find that one who appreciates your humble simple views on the world.

I could apply this rule to ANYTHING & kill ANY complex.

Because it's not about getting EVERYBODY since you can't please everybody but getting a big enough pool of people to choose from to know that you will be valued FOR who you are & not IN SPITE of it.
All I had to do was match types with their proper audience & help them get on that wavelength.
We all need belonging & we all need those people who like us just the way we are without change.

But what happens when you can't find that audience?

That's what I discovered when I started looking at the men's side.
Before I only thought men would have complexes about hair loss & muscle tone.
I didn't think men would have that many complexes really on self-image especially of the body kind.

HA! Shows I what I knew.

I discovered Measurection.com in 2001 or 2002 while I was studying women & the stories I heard there FLOORED me.
This is not an ordinary complex & it also doesn't seem to be one with much useful answers either.
I had to start all over again at Square One & just listen & learn.

What I have learned so far I want to share with you all here.
I'm nowhere near finished creating unique observations & solutions to this particular issue but maybe my thoughts will open up new ways of thinking that will transform how you approach the issue.
It makes me mad to see people rejected so cruelly & so callously with nowhere to turn & no shelter to cover under.

Every negative we put out into the world will boomerang back to us.
When you hurt one another, you're ultimately hurting yourself.
So let's boomerang some positive stuff.

Sexual Issues are merely a subset of Social Issues.
Both deal with the interactions of peoples.
So if we want a world where everybody can fulfill their potential & enhance that world we must solve the Social Issues, the Social Interactions.
And we're not gonna solve the Social Interactions until we solve the Sexual Interactions.

The hippies were right. Make Love Not War.
And as long as we put more money behind Warfare than Healthcare, we're not gonna get that Love.
Sexual Health. Social Health. Humanity Health.

As the world gets smaller & smaller due to technologies reuniting the disparate tribes of the world, we're gonna hafta learn to get along.
We're gonna have to find a better way to resolve our conflicts & differences.
We're gonna have to find a better way to deal with each other.

So that's what I'm here for.
I'm a wordy dude but try to hang in there through my walls of text.
There's gonna be some interesting ideas inside.

John Lucas

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thats a nice message john- all power to you.

As a guy with a small penis I have always thought of myself as a black man in a racist white world…. kinda.

I have been rejected 5 times by women due to my size- no one has been able too overlook it.

I dont blame them- I dont suppose I could overlook something so shameful and unacceptable in a potential partner myself- if a lovely girl confessed to me she used to be a man and she was transgender I would struggle with that- despite my best efforts to be open minded.

But for those guys who are just under average I hope you succeed in your quest- we do need as a society to be less cruel- to men and women alike.

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The thing about the small penis thing is that it doesn't affect our lives beyond the bedrooom...Once we leave our high school gym class showering days behind us, no one else will ever have to know and I think this is the reason so many women openly make insensitive remarks about the man with the small penis because they really don't realize the man sitting next to her may have one. I have mentioned at work that very close female coworker/friends will tell me(a guy with a totally small cock) how size in a man matters. I believe because I am married with children they must think I can't be that guy.

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You sound like you have decent self esteem TimmyStan but for other type of guys it can really impact them outside the bedroom because they feel worthless and deformed.

I don't believe they should feel so bad but the fact is many do. Sad because most that post here seem like intelligent, witty and compassionate guys - the traits women allegedly value. My personal opinion is that it is purely biological, meaning that a guy either turns women on or he doesn't just based on who he physically is. The reason this is not always clear is that women can and do have sex w guys that do not arouse them because of other reasons - money, security, family pressure to get married, they like him for other reasons and just let him do what he wants.

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Reading your comment Lukaz the thought that came up for me, and I am just sharing it in case it helps anyone, is that people would be well served in this world to focus on a few practical things that make them happy and just really immerse themselves in that. One guy might be a fitness buff, another a guitar player, some guys live for their family or career or partying or travel or playing video games; whatever it is just do your thing. That's my problem, I never found my niche. I'm not giving up, I'm just saying that's how it is for me.

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There are no easy answers, that's for sure. Being alone too much is miserable but sometimes hanging w people I look back and say "what a waste of time and energy. Did I really need to hear all that?"

I read something once, I think it was Inc. magazine that really smart people think 4 steps ahead. They anticipate what people are going to do and say and have a planned response. Now that is a bit extreme for my brain but it's not bad advise to look down the road a bit.

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well the author is a black guy with a BBC, so he will never understand

this isnt a social issue. this is a "i cant make my girlfriend scream uncontrollably, but our neighbor while i'm out at work can" issue

i like skinny tall chicks with small boobs. sure i'll fuck any decent average girl, but if that perfection comes along, bye bye average, hello future wife. no different than girls in their size preference

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I run marathons to compensate....but here's my deal. I have what every guy with a small penis wants. I have a wife that is beautifually out of my league. We have kids and I have a good job with my small penis and all. What is my problem then? I have a constant fear my wife will leave me and I will never be able to date again because of my small unit. I feel like if she left I may as well conceede to the fact that I will be alone for the remainder of my life because over the years society has made me feel worthless in the bedroom. That fear and stigma just wasn't there when my wife and I first started dating in the early 80's.

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On 3/31/2015 at 5:19 AM, Jessie said:

thats a nice message john- all power to you.

As a guy with a small penis I have always thought of myself as a black man in a racist white world…. kinda.

I have been rejected 5 times by women due to my size- no one has been able too overlook it.

I dont blame them- I dont suppose I could overlook something so shameful and unacceptable in a potential partner myself- if a lovely girl confessed to me she used to be a man and she was transgender I would struggle with that- despite my best efforts to be open minded.

But for those guys who are just under average I hope you succeed in your quest- we do need as a society to be less cruel- to men and women alike.

Hello Jessie. Thanks for the props.

Yes, one thing I definitely want to highlight is how the prejudice against small-sized men parallels the prejudice against Blacks.
This is how racism feels, Jessie.

You go through these humiliations & devaluations daily, hourly, minute to minute—anywhere & everywhere you go.
You try to tell others of your suffering but only get pooh-poohed with platitudes at best, have your concerns minimized at medium, or outright ignored or dismissed at worst.
And the more you're pooh-poohed, minimized or dismissed, the more angrier & cynical you become at the world at large.
There are differences in the details obviously but the theme remains the same.

This is what happens to ANY group of people on the outside of a favored clique.
Those inside the favored circle seem very unable or unwilling to relate much less help to alleviate the disparity.
Why would someone favored want to change their favor really? That's what it all boils down to.
That's why most people don't help those who dont fit within their bubble.
To help the outsiders is to become an outsider yourself so people hesitate to change the status quo.

And I see someone named someone555 very cynical about my motivations in coming here because I mention that I'm Black.
I totally understand his skepticism & he is well within his rights to be doubtful. I hope to win him over as I deliver my observations on this board.

When you're on the outside looking in so long, it makes you like that. It's a justified bitterness.
Same reason why many Blacks don't trust cops today.

Like you, someone555, & many small-sized men have been negatively treated by women, men & society in general, Black people have been negatively treated by the police & society in general.
You can't HELP but to become angry & sour ESPECIALLY when others add salt in the wound by pooh-poohing, minimizing, or outright dismissing your pain.
Like I said, the details differ but the theme remains the same.

Over the next few weeks I'm going to post new topics that will transform the thoughts on this forum.

For example one post I will make will talk about the problem with the word "Average".
Another will rethink the whole conventions on "The Sizes".
Another will show the importance of "LUST Over Love".
And another will show that today's prejudices are not tomorrow's. That this current negative stigma you face is not necessarily permanent.

It's a lot of stuff I'm gonna talk about.

One more thing I will highlight is not to diminish the real negative experiences small-sized men face.
Your 5 rejections by women were NOT imaginary. They were NOT only in your head.
They were NOT for other reasons than the size of your penis.
And it was NOT just a few women out of many.
This prejudice is REAL. This is NOT a Syndrome. This is a CRISIS.

This subject is not being taken seriously ENOUGH. And many boys growing up in this advanced-communicatiions era we live in today are not being prepared for these pitfalls. The internet opens up forums like these where guys like you can finally share your pains with one another but it ALSO opens up a world where the image reigns even more supreme than it ever did before.

It's more of a meat market today than in any other time in human history.

When I'm done, you won't EVER use the word "Average" to reference size & you won't see "Small" as a liability in the bedroom.

This thing CAN change. Ask me a Black man who saw that change over 50 years ago.
It SEEMS like it's forever but forever is a long time.
As hard as it is to believe, the world today is MUCH less cruel than it was 100s & 1000s of years ago.
The fact that we even HAVE forums like these is proof of it.

All I'm trying to do is take it further.

Stay tuned, Jessie.

John Lucas

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Humiliation fetish, elusive small vagina pixie, strap ons, or a woman who loves your personality (while you secretly remain anxious and wish that she was a small vagina pixie).... let's see what else... my only new one is to get rich and pay women to regularly satisfy me via the numerous fetishes I've acquired since swearing off porn with penetration; at this point my fantasies feel complete without a single vagina, and I don't really care if some bigger guy is outfucking a woman I don't care about, so that method would probably allow me to trade in steady depression SPS for steady irritation SPS. All I have to do is get rich somehow.

Anyway, I'm curious in as much as I want to see if it's even possible to say something new about this topic. .

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I run marathons to compensate....but here's my deal. I have what every guy with a small penis wants. I have a wife that is beautifually out of my league. We have kids and I have a good job with my small penis and all. What is my problem then? I have a constant fear my wife will leave me and I will never be able to date again because of my small unit. I feel like if she left I may as well conceede to the fact that I will be alone for the remainder of my life because over the years society has made me feel worthless in the bedroom. That fear and stigma just wasn't there when my wife and I first started dating in the early 80's.

I'm in the same boat as you as to how I don't let it effect my everyday life. But my approach to relationships is different, I don't fear that my future significant other will leave me, I exepect them to. I'm not one to sabotage a relationship, I just don't expect it to last.

Because of my insecurity, I won't invest 100% of my love/emotion into any girl, I'll give them 90%. I feel I'll need that 10% to "survive", and help me to move on after what I believe will be an inevitable departure.

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I run marathons to compensate....but here's my deal. I have what every guy with a small penis wants. I have a wife that is beautifually out of my league. We have kids and I have a good job with my small penis and all. What is my problem then? I have a constant fear my wife will leave me and I will never be able to date again because of my small unit. I feel like if she left I may as well conceede to the fact that I will be alone for the remainder of my life because over the years society has made me feel worthless in the bedroom. That fear and stigma just wasn't there when my wife and I first started dating in the early 80's.

Screw society. How has she made you feel in the bedroom? Don't worry about what everyone else is telling you. She's your woman.

How does she make you feel? How do you make her feel? That's what's most important, not what everyone else thinks she wants.

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